On Frail Wings of Freedom and Metal
by KurusGiri
Summary: She was brought over the wall when the Scouts had to return to Trost when the wall was broken. They tucked her away so they could deal with Eren. Now it is time for them to find out how she survived titan territory and whether or not she poses a threat to humanity. Problem is, she has a secret and they aren't sure humanity can handle anymore surprises right now. (Levi x OC)
1. Chapter 1

"I can tell you two things."

The silence greeting her bade her to continue.

"First: she is not another human with titan powers like Eren Yeager. And second: she's been severely abused."

The woman stood with a medical report in her hand and an uncharacteristic frown on her lips. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a messy pony tail with strands framing her tense face, the concern in her brown eyes emphasizing the expression. The papers in her hand detailed her report from an examination performed on a girl that had come through the wall a week ago with Commander Erwin's squad. They had gone out on a mission into the titan infested Wall Maria, but quickly had to turn around when Rose was breached. The girl had been found by Erwin just before he declared the retreat and few questions were asked right away due to the priority of return, as well as saving a civilian.

Of course, once they returned, there was a clustered chaos surrounding the boy who could turn into a titan, and they'd been forced to lock her away almost immediately until Eren could be dealt with, saved from certain death, and brought into their ranks.

Now that the girl was the new spotlight, they had been ordered to keep her at their headquarters until Captain Levi could determine whether or not she was a threat to humanity's survival due to her survival in titan territory, which was going to prove more difficult with the state of the court's fear from the previous case.

Needless to say, the man was less than pleased with his work load of late and sat at his desk regarding Hanji with bored, half lidded eyes the shade of steel. He ran a hand through his raven black hair, scratching the buzzed strands in his undercut while trying not to snap at the woman. He was already well aware of the second part of her statement which should have been obvious, therefore annoying him much more than he'd admit.

They'd both been standing over the girl when Hanji pulled the blanket back to reveal her. She'd had a cloth over her chest and pelvis, but the rest of her young body had been on display. Her skin had been deathly pale, while hanging onto a golden sheen that made her glow beneath the harsh light above her. Levi could remember her cheeks darkening in the silence while she grew self conscious. The story written across her skin had locked his jaw tight. Hanji had been unable to stop staring with her mouth hung open catching flies.

Her stomach was filled with scars speaking of battles; knife wounds, brass knuckles, webbing around her hips that could have been whips, and two scars that were unmistakably from arrows being cut out of her. At some point very recently, someone had even bitten her. Every tooth could be clearly seen in purple ink except the one they were missing on the right side of the jaw. The worst part was that the size of the mark clearly stated it was not a titan souvenir; it was a human's much smaller jaw.

Across her ribcage and chest was a littering of fading brown bruises and an infected stab wound that had begun to ooze red after the clotting and scabs were washed away in her earlier shower. Neither of them missed the distinct shape of fingers which painted her legs and arms in purple or brown, depending on their age. Her legs were sliced up as well, some wounds bleeding while others were scabbed and yet more were thin, pale scars. It was if she'd been clawed up by a beast out there, but the only beasts they knew of didn't have claws; only jaws.

"What on earth happened to you out there," asked Hanji in awe.

"It's a long story," the girl had muttered, training her eyes on the ceiling while dark memories flashed behind them.

An irrational spark of fire lit up in him at her response and he knew he had to leave. He had made his escape swiftly, telling Hanji to be quick, thorough, and report back when she was done.

Now she was telling him that she basically had no new information for him, and he gladly informed her of that with a glare. She hurried to continue:

"It wasn't just external wounds, though. There is something hard covering her ribcage that I can't identify without cutting her open. Her left wrist shows signs of a previous break that had not been set properly, leaving the healed bone weak. Her heartbeat is irregular, which can happen to someone when they've been struck hard in the chest multiple times. She has muscle damage in her shoulders that is trying to heal. Her left knee is weaker than her right, and her lower back shows signs of muscle damage mostly healed now, but it is littered in the same lacerations you saw on the front. There are also two thick columns of scarring that run up both sides of her spine. On top of that, she's starving and malnourished-," the woman cut herself off suddenly, collecting her thoughts before stating exactly what he had been starting to think. "Sir I don't understand how she was even physically capable of riding a horse back to the wall, or walking with you to my lab, let alone surviving the constant threat of titans."

Levi took his time repeating the information in his head. He wondered just what kind of hell the girl had to have been living in all this time. More disconcerting still was the question he had to answer by the end of the next couple days, which had just become very difficult to understand: how had she survived all that and the titan threat?

"Where is she now," he finally asked.

"I took her to the canteen, of course. The girl needed some food!"

Levi closed his eyes, frowning. The purple bite mark on the girl's side glared at him from his eyelids. He opened them with a heavy exhale.

"Bring her here. I think it's time to hear her long story," he stated quietly, glaring at the woman when she began to protest. "She can eat in here while we question her, shitty glasses. Now go."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is my first try at fanfiction, normally I am a reader of it or writing original content. I ONLY own River and any extras that will further her story with Levi. I would love to read some feed back because I honestly have no clue what I'm doing; my brain simply exploded with AOT loves and this came out, so if there's some things either out of character or that don't fit the timeline or the world, let me know and I will see what I can do. (Apologies for rambling, but I'm nervous)


	2. Chapter 2

The girl stumbled into the room wearing a blue medical gown with white flowers on it. She was holding a half eaten sandwich in one hand, and an apple in the other. Levi didn't miss the shake in those hands or the quiver in her shoulders. Was that fear, or the weakened body?

He looked down at the medical report, clicking his pen before raising his eyes again. His steel grey met with her cobalt blue as she took a seat in front of him, and he knew that it was fear. Why did that bother him so much?

Levi shook off the rising fire that threatened to return and began his questions, readying the pen over a yellow note pad beside Hanji's report.

"State your name," he began coldly.

"River Arhynn."

Her voice was still strong, despite her fragile state. Interesting.

"Age?"

"Twenty."

This raised his head, as well as an eyebrow. With her long, dark brown curls tumbling about her shoulders, and the vibrant eyes, large with permanent curiosity behind them, she appeared no older than Eren. Although her cheekbones were high and well defined, she had a rounded jaw that brought in a childish pout to her pink lips.

In his hesitation and analysis, though, her face changed with a flash of irritation. She narrowed her eyes in a defiant glare and locked her jaw, squaring it as it tensed. Then he saw it. Her anger aged her. It was the girl's fear and weakness that brought his doubt.

He moved on with nothing more than a 'tch'.

"Can I safely assume that you're female?"

"You saw me pretty much naked, sir. If that wasn't obvious, I would sure hope your role here doesn't require a lot of attention to detail."

So, she had the intellect for full sentences _and_ sarcasm. All while being as frail as a leaf. Interesting.

"I was slightly distracted," he muttered.

Silence fell for almost a full minute as her wounds screamed at him in his mind. The only sound breaking it was her teeth crunching into the apple. She seemed unaffected by his statement, no emotion given to the acknowledgement of her wounds. He opened his mouth for the next question, but was interrupted.

There was a hard knock on the door, and Levi did not miss the way her hand tightened on her fruit and those huge eyes widened a fraction. Suddenly she appeared to be a scared child again. Interesting.

"Enter!"

Commander Erwin entered, immediately intimidating the now fragile girl who watched him with a darkened expression. He was twice Levi's size, and though he had a much more inviting, gentle face, his collected baby blues were constantly running about thirty different plans behind them regarding any possible outcome to every situation he entered, which made a lot of people who noticed this rather uncomfortable. Behind him, Hanji followed as they came to stand beside Levi on either side of his chair. Erwin picked up the medical report in silence. It seemed Levi was the only one to catch the girl's growing discomfort, and he recognised the careful suspicion as a look he saw many times in the Underground. Again, he felt that fire in the pit of his stomach. _What the hell did she go through out there_?

"Eh, shorty, you weren't supposed to start without us," the woman reprimanded him.

"It is not my fault if you can't open that annoying mouth to give useful information like that. I'm not psychic."

To his right, Erwin cleared his throat to stop the oncoming bickering.

"She was supposed to let you know that I was going to participate in the initial questioning. At the same time, you should know that you must have someone with a medical degree present when questioning someone from outside of the wall," he stated smoothly.

Levi frowned, knowing that he was in the wrong. He resigned with another 'tch', and handed the notepad up to his commander.

River watched the whole exchange with that curious gaze, soaking up the personalities and information before her. Levi recognized the analyzing look on her face. She was observant too, he mused, noting that she was growing more calm through their banter. Interesting.

"Now," Erwin drew her attention. "Tell us about your wounds. Who did this to you? You were alone when my team found you."

She chewed her plump lower lip, avoiding the blonde's gaze. Silence hung in the room again, this time it was pure. She'd suddenly lost her appetite for the now bruised, soft apple in her hand.

"Oi," Levi leaned towards her with bored eyes. "We can't let you stay until you tell us everything that happened out there. If you aren't going to talk, you may as well climb back over that wall."

A loud thud hit his desk, causing the girl to jump slightly, dropping her apple to the floor. Beside him, Zoe stared incredulously between the two.

"I always knew you were a cold bastard, but even for you; that was uncalled for," her tone was lethal.

She looked up to the girl and her whole demeanour softened. "We will not let anyone else hurt you if we can stop it, but you have to help us keep that promise. We are not the ones that make the final decisions. Tell us what happened to you out there, and then we have a better chance to protect you."

River closed her eyes, hanging her head. Levi was beginning to get impatient with all these silences. This one was but a pause before she relented and began her story.

"When wall Maria fell, the titans slaughtered the majority of my village. There was no warning, just one moment my mother was laughing and then next there was only blood. But there was this man, our neighbour, and he knew something about me that would protect us from the titans. The commotion was perfect for him to take me captive. At first, all I cared about was survival. During the initial excitement, it didn't matter that I had to help him too; I just didn't want to die. But once things grew quiet, the titans seemed to move on, and it was just him and I... everything changed."

A new kind of hush fell over the room. One made up of understanding and respect. Titans were easy. Kill them and don't get killed in the process. Clear cut, simple, and distinct. But humans were complicated and dangerous. Levi found himself clenching his fists against his knees. Beside him, Erwin's pen scratched out her words before furrowing his large brows and finally glancing up.

"Rewind a moment for me. What protected you from the titans? This secret that the man knew about. Does it have anything to do with the abnormal hardness we found around your ribs?"

She pulled in a long, quivering breath. Then another, and then she stood up. Her legs shook, but she levelled her eyes on the window behind the trio. Levi was impressed with the resolve in the girl. Her body could barely hold her up, and her nerves were so fried that she could hardly breathe being in a strange place with three people that she probably only heard of in stories. Yet her eyes were as strong as steel.

"I have to show you. It isn't something that I can simply tell you. You'll think I'm crazy."

Clearly she hadn't heard about Eren just yet.

"I do not mean any harm," she assured slowly as she began to back up, raising her hands just as slow.

Anguish washed across her face while beneath the gown, there was movement. It was a very slight rustle of the material that the untrained eye never would have caught. Her lip slipped between her teeth to stop the yelp waiting in her throat as they heard the gown rip behind her. A song of metal sighing and shifting together filled the room as if many blades were moving against one another.


	3. Chapter 3

Two glorious, ebony wings extended and she raised her arms out to the sides, guiding the appendages out. The tips of each curved out an extra few inches, the width of her abdomen once they passed the tips of her fingers.

But they were not made of feathers. They were shining in the afternoon light; each individual feather a sharpened razorblade. They sighed with each movement of metal on metal, and slowly, River allowed her arms to fall to her sides.

In total, she had over a ten-foot wingspan of solid obsidian metal that was dripping in her own blood as they had ripped from her back. After gauging the stillness within the room, she carefully came back to her chair, turning it around so that she straddled it with the back facing the desk in hopes of avoiding bringing damage to it. The appendages naturally curved away from her body and with her now finding herself seated, the final few inches curled lazily against the carpet.

But she was not done with her explanation just yet.

She held her hands out over the desk, palms up. Her gaze lifted to observe the trio in front of her. Levi had stood up during the last few moments, now staring intensely with iron eyes; still half lidded, but not nearly as bored. Erwin wasn't writing anymore and she noted that the pen had found a place on the carpet next to his boot. The woman was the only one who did not seem stunned. In fact, Zoe was grinning from ear to ear.

River breathed deep again and looked down at her hands. There was no effort in calling her power, only a will to direct it. Thin black threads lifted off her palms, intertwining with a pale green one half an inch thick. The lights danced together above her hands, twisting collectively as they swayed into the middle of the desk, forming a ball that pulsed and bulged with the green string's radiance. She glanced up at Levi, locked eyes with him, and held out her hand. An inviting gesture, her gaze pleading for trust.

Levi stood motionless.

"I will not harm you, but I need your help if I am going to prove that. I need you to tell him what this feels like. I promise, it is safe," she whispered, flexing her hand to emphasize her request.

"Do it, Levi," Erwin commanded steadily. He'd begun writing again, having regained his nerve and the tool he'd dropped.

As commanded, Levi placed his hand in hers. Her skin was ice cold, almost stinging his palm. The ball pulsed faster, but remained stationary as she moved her other hand to push the man's sleeve up to his elbow. The desk was sparkling with frost growing across the surface.

The green thread separated itself from its darker companions and began to move steadily towards him. The light skittered back and then came forward, blinking in and out of sight on strange intervals as it swayed almost in a teasing manner. It slid down his middle finger, snaking along his palm while it bulged and retracted as if convulsing. The light brought with it a dusting of frost that spread across his hand.

"It's cold," Levi started, letting out a long, slow breath to steady the fighting nerves that considered this a threat. He continued, "the chill feels like it cuts down directly to the bone, yet it doesn't hurt."

The string reached his wrist, chills shooting straight up his arm as it settled to circle there, chasing itself round and round until finally, it connected its ends and solidified into a shining green metal. The cool temperature slowly slid back from where it had reached his shoulder and pooled around his wrist beneath the strange bracelet that now adorned him.

Anxiety was rising in River's eyes as she swallowed a hard lump of fear down. She was shaking again. Her gaze shifted upwards to the baby blue of the blonde in charge.

"Give me an order," she stated in a voice that was much more collected than her gaze would suggest.

"Break the desk and walk to the other side of the room," Erwin didn't even hesitate, taking an immediate assumption of the strength her strange power could hold.

She didn't move, only continued to stare at the man for another moment. Then she smiled weakly, and turned to face the excited brown eyes of the woman.

"Give me an order."

Hanji took an extra instant to think, or perhaps relish the moment of brand new discovery. After a few heartbeats, she repeated Erwin's command in vain. The result was the same. Finally, River looked back at Levi. Her lip trembled in the transition, adding to the suspicions that he was beginning to build. Absently, he wondered if the girl would cry. But he knew better than that. She was not the kind of girl to lose that much control.

Except, he also knew exactly where this was leading, which meant that she was indeed that kind of girl after all.

"Give me an o-order." He did not miss the stutter in her voice.

"Do not defend yourself."

He leapt over the desk, shoving the chair – and her – backwards, and landing across her waist when the piece of furniture was discarded to the side. The small knife he'd pulled out from the inside of his boot was pressed against her neck, drawing a bubble of red from her skin. River's eyes dead panned to the ceiling and her arms fell limp beside her. The deadly wings caught up beneath them sliced at her back, his knees, and damaged the carpet. A hot tear slid down into her hair.

Levi watched for any reaction from the girl. There was nothing. No tense muscles, no struggle beneath him, not even a yelp of surprise at least. Behind them, protests rang out from Hanji alone. Erwin did not order him back. He continued.

He drew the blade up, pressing the tip into her cheek. The wound wasn't deep, but it was enough to bleed steadily. She didn't even flinch against the pain. The trail of scarlet screamed at him the way he was beginning to wish she would. The only reaction he could see was the terror galloping in her eyes which remained fixed to the ceiling above.

He narrowed his steel gaze at that fear, refusing to acknowledge the sharp ice driving into his chest with guilt. Blood trickled from her neck and cheek, staining his office carpet.

"Defend yourself," he finally muttered.

The reaction was instantaneous, catching even humanity's strongest off guard.


	4. Chapter 4

Her hand raised to catch the threads that rushed to her, abandoning their dance above the desk and spilling across her beckoning palm. With a solid black glove now shining across her fist, she struck Levi in the ribs. The crack told him a few of them broke as he was launched sideways into the wall. He knew when he landed that his back would be purple by the time he would get a chance to look at the damage, cursing the pain that spiked down into his legs as he forced himself up.

Intentionally slow to ease the excitement of the moment, River sat herself up on the carpet, choosing to remain low so as not to appear as a threat. She didn't want to cause any unnecessary alarm as she watched Levi make his way back to his desk, hiding a limp that favored his left leg.

"Sir," she called out, drawing his attention. He glared down at her, but she continued softly, "I can heal the damage... if you would allow it of me."

He frowned, turning his eyes down to the green metal encircling his wrist. It suddenly felt as if his hand was dunked into a bowl of ice, but the chill wasn't stinging as it should have been. Now it was beginning to warm slowly, frost turning to droplets of water against his skin. River still hadn't moved, but was watching him closely as he examined her gift. Erwin's pen was stilled once again. Hanji held her breath.

"Tch… If you want to, then do it. I don't care."

His bored expression had settled back into place. He turned his eyes up to Erwin with a raised brow to signal they could move on. The superior was frowning at River, though, processing the information of what just happened and waiting to see if she would in fact be able to heal the captain.

River raised her hand, keeping her place on the ground. Her palm began to glow beneath the skin as if it were reflecting light from water. Inside Levi's wrist, warm syrup built up, rising through the length of his arm. This fluid continued through his body, searching out his injuries and gathering around them. He felt his broken ribs move back into place, but there was no pain, not even when the cracks reconnected. It then moved into his back where he made his impact with the wall, spreading the warm, thick fluid out to pool into the forming bruise. His whole body chilled for a moment, and then there was nothing. Levi's expression did not change as he tried to convey what just happened into words, but River smiled knowingly.

"How did this power come to be in the control of your captor? It appears that you have to willingly give it away," Erwin asked, moving on with business as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

"I can't extend my power to cover anyone without connecting it to them directly," she returned to business almost as smoothly, though her gaze lingered on Levi's wrist a moment before meeting the one who addressed her.

"How do you take it back," this came from Levi while he eyed his wrist too.

"I can remove it during an intimate exchange with the wearer; otherwise it remains until the death of the subject I am protecting."

Erwin made a sound in the back of his throat that could have been a laugh. Levi's lips pulled into a tight line while he shot a steel glare at the metal.

"Let me get this straight: in order to answer our questions and prove your power, you enslaved yourself? Are you retarded?".

"On the contrary. I know that you're questioning me to determine whether I will be a threat to humanity's survival. Putting my powers into the hands of Humanity's Strongest soldier seemed the only rational conclusion I could come to that would allow me to be honest without a threat to my life. I can't hurt anyone unless you will it now, and I am certain that you can be trusted much more than a powerful freak that stumbled in here half dead."

He could see that she was scared breathless by this very action that probably did indeed save her life. Levi could remember all too clearly the skyrocketing of threats to Eren's life in the courts before he'd stepped in to take over. This way, they could come before the law and already have all the answers on the table. No commotion. No panic driven conclusions. She was more intelligent than he gave her credit for.

"So this power is how you survived the titans, but you couldn't turn against the ass that enslaved you. Is that basically the story?"

River nodded once.

"Was he the one that caused all those wounds in this report?"

This had come from Erwin.

The girl paused for a moment before shaking her head.

"Not exactly. He did take advantage of the power he had over me, and while many of my scars come from him, some of it was from fighting. There are some people still alive out there between wall Maria and wall Rose. They live nomadically, usually hiding during the day and moving only at night. Many have become monstrous and rabid, attacking anyone that isn't already in their groups. We came across one of those very groups and he took off, only ordering me to cover his escape. In most circumstances, that wouldn't have been difficult, but this time, one of them got a damn lucky shot in...

"You see, my wings are my greatest weapon because much of my magic requires commands if I've bonded to someone. There's a point on my back that can stop them from emerging for a short time if it's struck hard enough, though, and that was one of the first places I was hit. They overwhelmed me almost immediately. Most of my recent wounds came from that day. The only reason I got away was because there were titans following the group and once they caught up, the group ran off. Most of them died. The chill in my power essentially keeps their attention off me, so I simply hid until it was safe, and then I had to return to the coward that left me to die."

She was beginning to look more confident as she spoke, but the more she shared, the more anger Levi was strangled by. He had to focus on his hands to force them not to clench.

"How did you manage to get away from him," Hanji inquired with an anxious tone.

River raised her chin with a defiant glow overtaking her glacial eyes. Was that a yellow ring circling the iris?

"I seduced him. And then I killed him once the band was removed."

Her voice was a steel whip, yet there was shame cascading behind her gaze. Levi was certain he was the only one to notice. Hanji wanted to move on quickly from the darkness the conversation had been dunked into and spoke up again much less serious.

"So... to surmise all this: as long as Levi doesn't die or sleep with you, you're pretty much stuck with us whether you like it or not?"

With a frown, River responded, "I mean... I would have put it more eloquently, but yeah, I guess that's about right."

"Great! Oh I just know I'm going to have so much fun exploring your powers! This is incredible! Between you, our two captured titans, and Eren, I have so much to learn. Plus, if we can repeat the whole scene with the orders and maybe a less broken Levi at the court, you'll be just fine! They can't order a death sentence if you don't pose a threat."

Her excitement spilled into River's nerves, settling her tense body for the moment. Curiosity led the crazy scientist to approach her, reaching out towards River's wings. Levi narrowed his eyes as they zeroed in on the cuts down her arms from when he'd pinned her down atop her deadly appendages.

"How do those things go back," he wondered aloud.

River was surprised. She'd expected that question more from Hanji, who'd inevitably cut her hand on the sharp feathers and was watching with intense, scrutinizing eyes while nursing her wound. The girl stood up quietly, turning her back to the group so they could watch.

The sighing movements of the feathers created a strange melody as they slowly collapsed upon each other, folding layers inward towards her back. They gathered into two columns down each side of her spine, and then shifted into the downward curve of a shovel, proceeding to slice open the skin. They slid beneath the muscles with surprising ease, releasing a small portion of their shape to reach around her ribs like a protective cover over the bones. All of this happened in less than thirty seconds, and now three pairs of eyes watched the flesh in her back knit itself back together with thick, pale tissue to hide the black metal.

All that was left was a webbing of scars down her back and two scarlet trails dripping to the floor.

"Amazing," Hanji muttered in awe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** This one is quite a bit longer than the rest because there wasn't a great place to cut it up, and I realize that my chapters, being so short, have probably taken too long to move along. I sincerely apologize! I will get this baby moving faster.

* * *

Erwin cleared his throat again, drawing everyone's attention.

"We have to take her before the court in three days and we cannot let any of this be known before then. Levi, you will not leave her side under any circumstances, and will keep a detailed log of everything that happens in these next few days. Between you and Zoe, I expect to have a clear and full understanding of her powers by the time we meet before making our case. Dinner should be served in the next twenty minutes; in that time, I will be working on some protocols and rules that I want you to follow while we wait for the court date. We will go into this prepared and without the difficulty our last case presented. Until then, you are dismissed."

With that, he returned Levi's notepad to the desk, keeping the medical report as well as the notes he'd taken, and he was gone.

"Tch. Of course, I get smacked with babysitting duty. As if I didn't already have enough on my hands," Levi muttered.

Hanji was practically vibrating with excitement, grinning at the girl who was beginning to feel her earlier fears settling back into her stomach.

"Oi, why is this thing getting so bloody cold all of a sudden?" Levi was holding his wrist up with a frown pulling at his lips.

River dropped her eyes to the carpet. "It reacts to my emotions, I'm sorry."

She pulled in a shaking breath, locked her jaw tight, and suddenly his wrist was warmed. His frown deepened, but before he could say anything else, Hanji piped up very seriously.

"Hey shorty, don't you go getting any ideas with this girl. If you take advantage of her in any way, I'll put all of your cleaning supplies in a very high place."

He glowered in response. Levi had no intentions of ordering someone around that didn't actually have a choice as to whether or not they could follow his commands. The whole point of authority is having it fueled by the loyalty beneath it. Forced loyalty was not loyalty at all. He wasn't even going to acknowledge the other implications behind 'taking advantage' because that was simply insulting to his humanity.

When Hanji felt satisfied that her point was made, she then continued to inform him, "I hope you don't have anything scheduled after dinner. I'm already drawing up study outlines for you two. We'll meet directly after we've eaten."

She didn't give him a chance to decline as she made her swift exit. The moment the door closed, Levi's wrist froze immediately and unforgiving. He looked down at the green metal, hardly surprised to see the sparkling frost coating his skin. River refused to meet his eyes when he glanced back up.

Resigned, he leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He let out a very long, annoyed breath.

"Finally, some quiet," he whispered.

River gladly remained silent with the comment. Levi could tell by the periodic warmth on his wrist that she was trying, and failing miserably, to control her emotions. He wasn't quite certain how he could help her with that, but if he didn't want frost bite, he was going to have to at least try to do something to ease her anxiety. Especially considering she'd be spending a lot of time alone with him; he needed her to know that she was safe.

"Listen to me carefully," he stated, leaning forwards and waiting for her vibrant eyes to meet his clouded ones. "You don't know me, so I am going to explain this once. I am no scumbag. I do not abuse my authority as the captain of an elite squad, nor will I abuse the authority I now have over you. I will not make orders of you when you have no choice to follow them. If I do, it will be out of necessity to the situation. That doesn't mean you will be coddled. I will treat you the way that I treat the cadets. You will be given work to do, and I don't tolerate slacking. But, I will not touch you, humiliate you, or hurt you. Do you understand?"

His efforts worked. Hesitantly, the metal bracelet began to grow warm again. Still, he waited for her to respond with her own words before moving on. He watched her intensely, allowing his silence to give her the space to answer. Finally, she nodded.

"Yes, I understand. Thank-you sir."

"Now, keep in mind the study Hanji and I are supposed to conduct with you. Under those circumstances, I will more than likely be commanding you. A promise that I can keep is that I will not make commands without a third-party present. Unless, as I said, you provoke it. Another promise is that I will give you one warning before I do so in that case."

"Yes sir," it was almost immediate this time.

"I need a cup of tea, are you still hungry," he asked, standing up and coming around the desk.

She nodded once, turning towards the door. Seeing the thick ropes of scarring up her spine through the rips in her gown, Levi stopped in his tracks.

"Tch... It might be a better idea to find you some proper clothes first."

Again, her only response was a nod. The sarcastic, confident woman from minutes ago was now gone again; trapped in the shell of a dried-out leaf.

She followed him quietly down the hall to the laundry room. There were spare linens and clothes in a closet at the back of the room. Of course, being a military base, all that was available for her was a uniform. So, she was given tall brown boots ending above her knee and a white button up shirt that she tucked into the brown slacks. Levi even found a recruit jacket with the grey shield and two crossed blades that he told her to keep for her unique chill.

On their way to the canteen, he was beginning to get uncomfortable with her reproach, which was a feeling that he was not used to. Normally, silence was preferred from most people he interacted with. This was no normal situation though, and she wasn't 'most people'.

"I won't be able to keep you busy like a cadet since you're technically not part of the military. Most of their time is spent in training or in classes. You'll most likely be doing a lot of cleaning… there's always something in this place that's filthy," he explained, hoping for even the slightest resemblance of a response.

Still, the silence remained. She made no inquiry about the cadets, or the work she would be sent to do. Just the soft clap of their boots on stone kept them company. He wondered when she would feel comfortable with him, or if she ever would?

"Why was I accepted so easily at face value," she spoke up finally.

Levi gave her a confused look, prompting an explanation to her inquiry.

"I've hidden my power from everyone I have ever known except my mother. Most people would see the wings and have me executed on the spot or dissected. I'm terrified of what will happen in the court when this is revealed and I'm even tempted to beg you to keep it secret because I am more than certain they will kill me. Yet none of you took any action against me. Not even when I struck you."

Her confession held none of the fear that her words claimed, but he could see it surfacing in the way she clenched her fists at her sides and her voice had trembled, lips frowning deeply. He turned away, staring straight ahead, impressed with the level of intelligence and control she had.

"The others knew that was an appropriate response, considering the knife I had on you. You'd have to be stupid to not fight back. But you've missed out on being our first freak show. We just brought a cadet here that can turn into a titan, and I basically kicked the shit out of him to save his life from the courts that wanted to - as you put it: execute or dissect him. We're not exactly surprised by much right now."

His nonchalant tone pulled a chuckle from River. He found a smirk making its way to his lips, but wiped it off when they entered the canteen. The room was filled with the clattering of dishes, and voices shouting, conversing, or laughing together. Levi did not miss the chill that circled his wrist, and he let out a half annoyed sigh. It quickly pulled back to warmth as she controlled her fear with a falsified iron fist, but he knew what it was like to come from a place where crowds generally meant danger.

He quickly reached out to grasp her elbow, leading her to the left side of the room where Hanji sat at a table in the corner, and motioned for the girl to take a seat. A few moments later, she had a tray of potatoes, a bun, and a pile of hamburger placed down in front of her while Levi seated himself on her other side, sipping a cup of tea.

"Permission to discuss our new addition, sir," Hanji asked with widened eyes, as if the twenty-minute wait since she left the office had been unbearable without this topic to explore.

Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion before resigning with a nod. She clapped her hands together with excitement, then pulled out a paper with scribbled questions all over it. River had begun eating already and froze comically at the exchange; her mouth full of potatoes.

Hanji grinned at the girl, which only unnerved her further.

"So, were you born this way," was the first question.

She swallowed her mouthful and leaned back, furrowing her browse in thought.

"Yes. And I'll answer the obvious following question: my mother is human and my dad isn't the man that she married, so you won't be able to track him down if you try to investigate. I don't have any information on him though. Any time I asked my mother, she would divert the question by telling me her current husband loved me as his own and that should be enough."

Levi's wrist grew hot so quickly, he had to give it a solid shake to make sure the metal wasn't going to blister his skin. Was she angry at her mother keeping her in ignorance, or the absent father? He pondered the question while tucking away the response of the metal in his observations. He quickly decided not to remind Hanji that he had access to the girl's emotional responses. River wasn't going to receive a whole lot of privacy throughout the coming days. It only seemed fair to keep this much to himself as long as it appeared none threatening.

Luckily, the crazy scientist was moving on already as she inquired, "how do you control your wings?"

"How do you control your arms or your legs? Or the function of your lungs? It is natural."

"But how do you tell them to come out or go back? There has to be something that triggers the natural signals."

A loud thud hit the table as Erwin set his tray down, shooting strong disapproval at the group.

"We will not have confidential discussions here," he spoke softly, but with an intensity that wiped the smile off Hanji's face quickly.

River peaked at the other tables once she noticed a hush had taken over and there were eyes now staring as they realized there was a new face at the elite table. Levi shot a glare at the room, effectively forcing everyone to take immediate interest in their food or tables. Beside him, the girl ducked her head down, hiding her face in the curtain of her long curls as she finished eating at a much slower pace. It seemed her appetite had faded, her movements becoming mechanical.

"So, shorty, how do you plan to keep her in your sights at all times during your duties over the next few days?"

This came from Hanji, finding a new focus for discussion that wouldn't get her shot by her superior. Erwin watched him curiously for his answer.

"I thought I'd dump all my responsibilities on you and use the extra time and spare hands for cleaning," he stated smoothly.

River seemed to be the only one to catch his sarcasm as she smirked despite herself. Levi's bored gaze returned and he took a long sip of his tea while the frowns deepened on his comrades.

"I'm kidding," he finally admitted coldly. "I'll just have a damn shadow while I work. Might even be able to put her to use depending on what it is I'm doing. If I have paperwork, she can clean the office. If I'm working with the cadets, she can wash windows or take care of the horses in the stable."

"So what about when you sleep, what will you do with her then? Lock her up in a cell?"

Damn, Hanji was annoying him. Ice sliced into his wrist for a flash and when he glanced at River, her hand slightly quivered while she guided it down into her lap. He'd never get any sleep keeping her locked up if this was going to be a regular occurrence, not that he slept much anyways.

"If we want to ensure that she can't sneak around, then yes we will have to lock her up. But," and he lifted his arm to draw attention to the green band, now crystallized in a layer of ice. "Since this thing's going to piss me off eventually if the kid is scared all the time, I'm not likely to be doing that often."

Now River piped up quietly. "Hang on a minute. You can test this to make sure that I'm telling the truth, but your commands can affect more than my... enhancements. If you command me to fall asleep, I will. Even better, if you specify in your command that I remain asleep until you state otherwise, you can guarantee no opportunity for doubts in my intentions. Therefore, when you go to sleep, you can put me to sleep as well and no one will need to be burdened by suspicion over me."

She spoke with that strength that masked a very real terror. Levi watched her icy eyes shift as a memory skittered across them and in response his wrist grew wet. He glanced down to find that the metal was producing drops of water directly out of itself. Interesting.

"And if we did that, you wouldn't resent us for it," Hanji asked.

"Locking me up would be worse."

Erwin leaned forward, interested by this exchange. "Why would an enforced sleep, leaving you defenceless and unconscious for hours, be preferred over simple incarceration?"

River stared at her hands, clasped in her lap. The man beside her began to feel a moisture and chill creep all the way up his arm, stretching into his shoulder. It was as if he was sweating in a cool environment, yet the room was warm and no other part of him was affected by this. What was going on in that mind of hers?

"Lock me up if you really want. But if you command my sleep, then I don't have to dream, and if I don't dream then we're all much safer. Just promise me that you'll keep me protected if you put me to sleep."

She thought her heart was going to strangle her by the end of her request. It was beating so fast that each strike felt as if it could shatter her ribcage.

Levi was finding himself becoming irrationally annoyed with the girl's obvious struggle against her abusive past and the way it was stopping her from trusting in the group. Speaking of which...

"Where's my squad anyways?"

Hanji answered him while mirroring his bored, half lidded eyes. "I told them to keep away from us until Erwin made an official decision on who knows what about our girl here."

"And they listened to you?" He found it hard to believe.

"No, they listened to Erwin's letter."

She stood up, handing over the paper from their superior while pointing with her other hand to another table where familiar faces swiftly turned away from his following eyes. She was about to leave, but stopped, turning back briefly.

"When you two are done here, go out to the west of HQ, there's a bundle of trees over there with a clearing just passed them. We can conduct our experiments without prying eyes over there."

As she left, Erwin finished writing something before passing yet another paper across to the shorter man.

"What is this?"

"Procedures I drew up to deal with situations that could arise in the next few days. I expect her to be kept out of sight as much as possible, but have developed responses should inquiring minds come to light. I also added what will be done with her during emergency protocols, and how to handle threats towards or from her. There will be no confusion, nor commotion until the court meets and we are given further instruction."

Levi scanned over the handwriting, growing weary with the extra work he was going to be dealing with. He was to record everything that she said or did, and if she used her power outside of Hanji's supervised studies, it was to be recorded as well with a reason or cause clearly stated to justify its use. Any commands given were to be recorded as well as her actions after the command has been given.

Their hands were tied if Levi had to do anything outside the compound; she would have to follow. But without fail, he was to avoid contact between her and anyone that was not Erwin or Hanji as best as he could. All inevitable contact was to be thoroughly recorded.

It was well known that she had come from beyond the wall; news does travel fast within those walls, but should contact be made with her, the shortest answers should be given:

Yes, she's from titan territory. No, she is not special or out of the ordinary. Yes, they are being thorough in their investigation of her intentions for humanity. No, there is no immediate threat. No, she will not be joining the military. Etc.

In the event of a titan attack, Levi was given full authority to make the judgement call on her use and accept responsibility for the consequences after the event.

In the event of a human revolt (which they had begun to prepare for since Eren's incident had immediately sparked fearmongering rumors of a sour nature), it is again up to Levi's judgement what happens with her.

In the event of a threat to River's life or wellbeing, she is to be allowed the freedom to defend herself only with bare hands – no magic, no wings. Should either be used, Levi is to command her immediate submission and a meeting will be called to include witnesses and Erwin.

In the event of River's betrayal, Levi is to command her immediate submission, and should the matters be severe enough, he is to terminate her life.

The paper continued to outline his responsibilities, and as he read, he became aware of a weight pressing against his side as River leaned close to view how she was to be treated. His frown deepened as he continued further down, reaching the section of her sleeping arrangements. Commands _and_ lock up. Damn, that seemed so cold, even to him. At the very least, he could make a better arrangement around how little he slept.

She also wasn't allowed to train with the cadets, which he'd already suspected and told her, but the new addition was that he was responsible for training her in hand to hand combat in private. At least with that, he knew that they didn't suspect her of treachery. Erwin would never allow him to teach someone they didn't trust how to fight.

Finally, he folded the papers up, shoving them into his pocket before standing up, looking down into frosted blue eyes.

"Come on, kid, we've got a crazy woman waiting for us in the woods," he muttered in reproach.

"You know, most sane people try to avoid meeting crazy people in woods, sir."

He gave her a very rare chuckle that quieted the whole room.

"Who the hell said anything about me being sane?"


	6. Chapter 6

"First things first," Hanji called from the other side of the clearing as soon as they entered. "Can you fly with those wings of yours?"

River called out an affirmative, which earned a gleeful shout from the other woman. Levi was already wary, knowing he likely wasn't going to leave this clearing without bruises.

"How's about strength, how strong are you without your powers?"

At this, there was a deviant glint in the girl's eye, and she turned to the man beside her.

"Why don't I demonstrate," she shouted in return while her smile asked Levi for permission.

He had a wild guess at her intentions and for a moment considered shutting it down immediately. They would learn nothing, though, if he wasn't willing to cooperate. Plastering his forced boredom into place, he nodded on a frown.

Her wings were already extending, dripping in blood, while she hooked her arms around Levi's waist, pulling the man close enough for their noses to touch. He didn't realize she was almost the same height as him until now. His jaw locked while he ignored the proximity with effort. He did not return the embrace, keeping his arms to his sides.

"Don't struggle. Trust in me, and you won't be harmed by the blades," she whispered.

And the ground fell from beneath them.

There was a rush of wind that pressed against his back, her chin raised to watch their path over his head, and her arms were secure cages about him. He observed the easy smile on her lips, the way her arms tightened but did not shake, and the unlabored breathing. It was as if he were a child she was holding rather than a full-grown man. Granted, he was much shorter than most, but he certainly was built with enough muscle to make up for it.

Moments later, their feet touched ground again. She stepped away from him immediately, casting her eyes to the ground and dropping her arms to her sides.

Hanji was giddy with the demonstration.

"Excellent! Now, I have to ask since we all know Levi isn't exactly difficult to pick up: would you be able to carry our commander with the same ease?"

"Probably not to the same extent, but I could do it for a short period. This distance, most definitely. With Levi, I could fly for miles, though," her sureness was astounding. Once again, she was the strong woman with confidence on her tongue.

Levi was sure he'd have whiplash from her constant mood swings.

"Alright, with that question satisfied, let's move on," Hanji was rubbing her hands together and smiling wickedly. "I have set up three flags throughout the trees behind me. Levi, you will locate the flags. River, you will stay with me. I want to see how precisely his commands can use your magic if he tells you to destroy those flags."

The girl nodded her understanding and without further prompting, Levi wandered into the trees.

"Do you think this will work?" Hanji asked once they were alone.

The girl thought for a moment before nodding slowly. "Not that I have ever had a master that tried it like this, but there have been occasions when I thought I would miss. I have come to trust that once I have an order, my magic hits true."

"How will we know when he has made a command?"

"He already has."

An electric jolt skittered down her arm and she snapped her fingers twice before it released. Four black threads shot from her fingertips, curling about each other to form one thick cord that disappeared into the trees. A moment later, there was swearing and leaves crunching as Levi came out towards them. In his left hand was a green cloth, his right hand was bleeding, and his eyes were storms.

"Uh oh," Zoe muttered.

"Shut up, shitty glasses," he snapped.

"What did I do," River inquired cautiously.

"Your black shit came directly for _my hand_ before going to the flag. It sliced open my palm."

The girl frowned, reaching out to grasp Levi's wrist out of pure impulse. He tried to jerk back, but her fingers locked like a vice. Warmth spilled into his palm, sewing shut the wound with that same thick syrup. She dropped his arm like it was on fire when she finished.

"What was your order," came Hanji again, hardly phased by the man's sour mood.

"'Shoot the flag'."

"Was that honestly all you said? Nothing else?"

Silence returned while Levi glared at her. River's mind was racing while she tried to find a logical explanation.

"Can I make a suggestion," she piped up, waiting for both pairs of eyes to fall on her. "Do a range test on my power in respect to his commands. I mean, send him different distances away, and at each distinct distance, he makes the same command. I might have an explanation if this works the way I think it will."

Hanji agreed to the test and set out to mark the field with sticks every two meters until the treeline. Levi started out directly in front of her. Their target was the top of a tree to the left of the clearing. It was bare of leaves, with knotted branches that were easy to pick out in the flourishing green backdrop.

As suspected, by the time he reached six meters, the power's path started to shift. It went into an arc between the two before going towards the tree. Still, it wasn't getting close to him, therefore they continued. At ten, Levi was bleeding again. This time, he shot River a glare to stop her healing power while he pulled out a cloth and wrapped it around the wound.

"So, how do you explain that," Hanji pondered.

The girl chewed her lip while she chose her words carefully, still trying to interpret her own suspicions.

"I think it follows the shape of our connection as if it is a physical string. When he is near me, the power can move along both simultaneously and rush towards the intended target. But when he is further away, it must move along that connection in order to be launched. The farther he is, the closer it needs to come to him before redirecting."

Hanji was grinning by the time River grew quiet. "That was my hypothesis too!"

"Oi, are you telling me I have to stay by your damn side if I don't want to lose a limb," Levi glowered.

"Not necessarily," came Hanji's excitement, much to their surprise. "I wonder if there could be a way for you to harness her power with that bond! It would be like passing on a deadly baton."

"How the hell do you think we're going to manage that?"

"With a lot more blood and a lot less attitude, shorty."

River couldn't help the chuckle that snuck away from her in the moment, earning an iron hard scowl that seemed to strangle her. She hung her head down, feeling a familiar ache growing in her chest that reminded her of her creeping loneliness. It didn't matter if it was the man who abused her outside of the walls or Levi and Hanji; at the end of the day, she was isolated by her power. Day one of being attached to someone much safer, and already she could feel the weight of shame settling in on her shoulders. After all: she was not like them and never would be. She was a freak. An aching stone grew inside her chest.

She was not going to stand there feeling sorry for herself, though.

If River was to be nothing more than a weapon, so be it. If she could protect innocent lives, what did it matter?

She locked her jaw, forcing that ache deep down to the bottom of her rotten heart. The stone sat there quietly, and when she raised her eyes again, they were glaciers. Levi was studying her in that long moment, wrist wet as the frost droplets melted.

"We'll have to put operation 'transfer of power' on the back burner for now," Hanji interjected, seeming unaware of the strange moment she was taking the spotlight from. "I want to know how much of your physical actions can be controlled without commanding any magic before we end for the day."

The girl nodded her understanding, pulling in a long breath. This part was when things would become frightening, and she was well aware of that.

"Levi, come with me to the other side of the clearing. River, you'll stay here. I don't want you able to hear the commands."

She wrapped her arms around herself as they walked away from her. The pressure lightened as they left, releasing her chest so that she could breathe again. That rock floated up the organ she buried it into, cutting the sides of her heart. She ignored it.

Her arm suddenly raised high, hand waving to the pair across the field. She safely assumed that to be the first command. Then she was jumping. Hands at her sides, landing on the balls of her feet before launching back into the air. She counted, one jump, two jump, three jump, four. She leapt seven times. Next, she was running. Turning and bolting into the trees, branches cutting at her cheeks and arms. She was searching, her mind told her. Searching for one of the other flags still hidden in the trees. Her eyes scanned above in the leaves while her legs carried her over fallen branches and through bushes and crunching leaf beds.

There! Off to her right, high up at the end of a branch was a flapping green cloth. She began to climb. No branches were available to her at first, so her fingers dug into the tree bark, splintering into the wood to create hand holds. The branch she had to climb across was too small to hold her weight, she knew this. Could see it. But she had to reach the flag, and before she could fight it, she was crawling out on the splintering branches. Her spine itched as if her wings would save her. She didn't want to hit the ground from this height. Something would surely break.

She was already so broken.

The crack signalled danger, but her fingers were wrapped securely in the fabric. She didn't have the chance to think, only fall. Not even the swiftness of her wings could save her and she hit the earth with a solid thud, her head bouncing off the ground harshly. The metal within vibrated with the impact, her breath rushing from her lungs. Her abdomen was on fire and she knew that the muscles above her deadly razors had been sliced on the impact. She lay there for a long moment, desperately trying to reclaim oxygen through the weight blocking her lungs, and steady the wild beating of her heart. She was certain something was broken inside. Her skull was throbbing in time with her heart beat and she could see black spots on the edges of her vision.

Long, deep breaths in, hold it, let it out slow. She forced her chest to rise, reminding it that it was strong enough to push back on the metal encasing it. The pain did not ebb from her head, but the colors danced back into place which was good enough for her.

Finally, she trusted her chest would not collapse and she staggered to her feet. She returned to the field, hiding her limp as best as she could; each step shooting lightning up her legs into her spine.

She raised the flag when she came into the clearing, waving it in the air for the others to see. Hanji clapped with excitement. From that far, she could still feel the intensity of Levi's analyzing eyes. He would realize quickly that she was harmed by that order. Instinct told her to better her façade. Don't let them know.

They were coming back across the field, Hanji bolting towards her with her wide, crazy grin.

"Is there any limit to what you can be commanded to do," she asked in a much calmer tone than would be expected in that moment.

River nodded. "You can't ask me to kill myself. I'll just black out."

"But could you be commanded to kill another person?"

She nodded again solemnly. "That's why I needed to make sure I connected to someone wholly trusted by humanity. I didn't want to be an instrument of destruction when this came out. I want to help people."


	7. Chapter 7

There was silence for their return to the compound. Levi led her back to his office where he pointed to the couch off to the left of the room in a motion that was clearly an order. He then moved to his desk, leaning against it while he watched her lower herself carefully, not missing the way she flinched when she bent.

"Why is it that you healed immediately when your wings were withdrawn, but everything else seems to heal slowly," he inquired suddenly, surprising her.

River clasped her hands in her lap, narrowing her eyes at one of the wounds on her arm from her flight through the trees before finally meeting his gaze and admitting, "I don't know how to command the healing unless I am using it on another. My body will heal the wounds that the wings make probably due to the same defense mechanism that won't let you command my suicide. Yet I don't know how to make any other wounds or broken bones heal the same way."

"Were you going to tell me that last experiment hurt you, or try to play it off until it went away," he sounded rather annoyed with her, which seemed strange.

"I didn't think it would matter, sir."

"You are my responsibility. It matters," he stated coolly, turning to cross the room and open a cupboard while he instructed her in the same tone to remove her shirt.

"Sir?"

She couldn't have heard him correctly. Right? Oh, but she had; the order took hold and her hands moved of their own accord, leaving her in only a pale colored bra. Her cheeks instantly lit aflame.

Levi turned with a white medical kit in his hand, raising an eyebrow. "Would you prefer I send you to the crazy scientist to look at your wounds?"

There came no response. She sat rigid, not meeting his eyes and it seemed the man realized exactly what her abused mind would be assuming when she hung her head low. He let out a 'tch' as he came to kneel before her seated form, reaching out to turn her chin back to him. River cast her eyes up to the corner of the ceiling behind him, locking her jaw as if she were preparing herself. Levi was almost insulted that she would still not trust in him. Hadn't he'd made it clear he would not take advantage of her?

"I am _not_ the same as that shit stained pig you're used to," he spat, almost surprised when instead of flinching, the girl's expression hardened.

"Actions speak louder than words," came her acidic response as she leaned close with hard, glacial eyes meeting his steel, "I will believe that when I see it. As it stands right now, I trust no one off hand, bonded or not."

His gaze was drawn to an angry red cut on her cheek when she spoke, his chest tightening with the smallest sting of regret though he would never admit it aloud. He locked his jaw, reminding himself that there was a reason they were in this situation to begin with; he needed to know if there were more wounds caused by him.

"Stand up," Levi ordered.

Her immediate obedience suddenly drew his brows together.

"Was that a command you were forced to follow?"

She nodded, glaring him down as if he'd already betrayed her. Though for betrayal, she'd have to trust him first, but he elected not to bring up this hole in her logic. He could understand the fear and the rage of losing the ability to choose your own path.

"Shit," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and stepping away. He turned his back to her and sighed with irritation. "Okay, I admit, I didn't realize this thing would be that sensitive."

"It's fine… this is going to be difficult for me, too," she admitted.

"I need to know how badly you're hurt and if you need to be taken back to Hanji. Will you let me do that," he asked slowly.

The shift in him was strange, going so quickly from ordering her in monotone coldness to now requesting permission with such care. River could see why he was able to lead the Scouts' most elite squad. It takes more than orders to demand the kind of loyalty that creates a strong team like that. She was reminded in that moment why she chose him to connect to in the first place; all of what was left of humanity trusted him, and she needed to as well.

"Yes, you can look at the wounds."

Levi turned back to her then, bored expression and cool eyes in place. Back to business as quick as her answer. He first wanted to assess if there were physical wounds aside from those he'd already seen earlier. Then he would check for internal damage as best as he could.

Her cheek had acquired two more cuts, but they weren't deep. A few more lacerations on her arms. From the front, it didn't look as if the damage he'd watched her trying to hide would be there. Walking a full circle around her, he stopped mid step when he saw her back, sucking in a breath.

"You fell out of the tree for that damned flag."

"Is it that bad?"

The tips of shorter black razors from the part of her wings that covered her shoulder blades and the sides of her spine were poking out through the skin in some places. Dried blood smeared her back, nearly hiding the purple bruising that painted the top half of it in a perfect outline of where those wings hid underneath.

"Scale from one to ten, how much pain are you in right now," he inquired.

River let out a crazed laugh. "Feels like my back's been lit on fire and the burns were washed in iodine. I'd put it at least to a seven."

Levi shook his head in response considering he was staring at what most would regard as a clear ten. By this point, he'd stopped being surprised at the girl's strength, though and resisted the chuckle that wanted out. This was no joke he was staring at, but he didn't know how to go about fixing it.

"Does this sort of thing happen often," he pressed. Surely this was not the girl's first tumble, he assumed.

"Falling out of trees? Yes. Falling hard enough to wonder how I'm not dead? That one's new. I think the closest I've come to this was being thrown into a wall when a titan smacked me outta the sky, but I didn't have metal under my skin at the time, so it managed to act as a shield instead for the most part. Still cut my back all to hell, but that's nothing new."

Levi had a sneaking suspicion she's never had her back cut through this deep.

He reached out to brush his fingertips across her shoulder blade, smearing the blood. One of the obsidian razors nicked the side of his finger as it passed, but he hardly noticed. Her hiss of pain was harder to ignore, though.

"You say you can't heal yourself, but you have the control to heal me, correct?"

She nodded once and Levi came around to face her again, his lips pulled down. He offered his hand, at which River looked confused.

"I want you to try using me to complete a circle and bring the power back to yourself."

The woman barked out a hearty laugh, raising an eyebrow from the stoic face before her.

"I don't think it works like that, sir," she explained, chuckling quieter.

He narrowed his steel eyes. "And why the hell not?"

"Because as far as I have ever been able to tell, the bond is one way. I can send my power to you because you basically own it as long as you have that piece of metal on your arm. You can't send it back, though. It's an arc, not a full circle. The only control you have is with your commands."

"What if I commanded you to heal yourself then?"

That caught her up short. Levi's lips twitched to almost reach a smirk when her eyes widened with child-like wonder. Irrational emotions swelled into her chest for a moment before she could stop them. Never had she imagined a master would allow her abilities to be used for her own personal benefit.

"I guess it's worth a shot," she whispered with a smile gracing her lips.

"Pull your blades back in and heal the wounds they created," came the order.

Her scream cracked the air with shards of ice that rained down on them, sparkling frost into Levi's raven hair. Her wings had immediately shifted beneath the skin, sinking those peaking razors back under. He walked behind her again to make sure the magic would obey as well, but set his jaw at the sight. Instead of sealing, the wounds that now gaped open were frothing with blood, spilling down her skin in crimson streams faster now they were unobstructed.

River could feel her legs wobble as the gore spilled, her head growing heavy, and she knew any moment the blood loss would take her consciousness.

"L-levi…"

Her knees buckled, sending her down on them with harsh thuds that shot white lightning up into her hips. The man was kneeling in front of her a moment later, grasping her forearm with one hand.

"You were right, the power didn't obey, even though the physical action did," he told her, grabbing her chilled hand with his free one.

She had enough energy to let out what should have been a sarcastic chuckle, but it was distorted by her disorientation. A mumble fell out that sounded close to 'I told you so,' but it tumbled so jaggedly, he barely understood.

"River, if our bond creates an arc, then it stands to reason my proximity can bring the end back to you. Do you understand me," he almost sounded desperate, but she blamed it on her blood loss.

She cast him a glare of ice that told him to get to his point or shut the hell up. Exhaustion seemed pleasant to give into at the moment.

"Focus on my hand," he whispered, pulling her towards him so he could rest her head on his shoulder and move the hand on her arm to her back.

"All this blood is fucking gross," he muttered into her ear, bringing a smirk to her pale lips. "Alright, send that warm shit to the cut in my palm from earlier. Do it slowly. Understood?"

The orders took hold before she could respond, not that she had the energy or coherency to formulate words, anyways. He felt the power drip from the bracelet to his skin, then soak straight down all the way into the bone. Four drops were enough to send it following the shape of his skeleton to reach the opposite arm, spilling into the cut on his palm.

"Don't seal it yet," he was surprised when the order truly stopped the wound from stitching together beneath its makeshift bandage. "Just let it gather in my hand."

As his palm grew warmer, he moved slowly across her back. It could have been a gentle massage if the circumstances had been different. River hissed as he passed over the wounds, breathing heavy while she fought down the pain. Neither of them knew if it was doing any good until with a sudden clarity, Levi realized the bleeding had almost completely stopped. He let out a breath he didn't remember holding.

"Now you can seal it."

As his hand stitched back together, so did the wounds closest to it and directly beneath.

River gave the weakest of smiles, feeling the comfort of black sleep coming for her.

"Thank you," she whispered, barely audible as she let the darkness consume her.

Levi sat there frowning with the unconscious girl in his arms. His hands were stained red, but he was fixated on the black and purple painting across her back. Day one out of three and not only had he almost killed her, but he'd also broken both his promises to her.

That simply would not do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** I know, I'm taking forever now to update... I'm in school right now, in my last few weeks and super behind. Also, one of these days, I'm going to do an overhaul on these chapters and combine a few of those shorter ones in the beginning so it doesn't take so long to get here. Anywho...

Originally, I thought I'd just write out the entirety of Day 2 for you guys so you would have lots to work with while I'm buried under assignments, but I got stuck at the end of this and decided it was a good enough place to stop for now. I'll try to get you the rest of this second day pretty quick, though now it's entering territory of having to recreate some AOT scenes so... we'll see! Wish me luck, and I hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

The first thing that River became aware of when she woke was her stomach demanding to evacuate its contents.

The second was that she was not in a cell, which was only a brief surprise before she bolted for the toilet inside a doorway she found across from the foot of her bed. Her back pulsed white electric heat straight up to her head while she retched, but the pain was hardly her main concern.

She leaned back on the tile flooring, relishing the cold seeping into her bare legs once she was certain her abdomen had no more convulsions to make. Slowly, she peered up at the small washroom, wondering exactly where she was. Last night's events were seared into her brain, but she could hardly guess at what may have happened after she fell unconscious.

Deep in her emptied belly, something tightened into a knot, briefly flashing pain through her ribs. This, though, was a sick feeling unrelated to her vomiting. Fear settled over the knot like a fleece blanket while part of her mind wondered what her new bonded master would have done with a defenseless slave.

But she clamped down on the thought as quickly as it came.

"Get a hold of yourself, damnit," she reprimanded, voice scratching and harsh. "You're bonded to the one man that all of humanity trusts their lives to. And you did too when you were just like them. He is Humanity's Strongest. He isn't the same as an ordinary man."

Finally, she lifted herself, using the small sink for support as her legs shook beneath her weight. How much blood had she lost last night? Her body was telling her the amount was rather incredible, and it was not impressed.

"Sorry," she mumbled, immediately letting out a tired chuckle because she was talking to herself. "You're officially crazy, River. Good job."

When she raised her head, her gut tightened so sharply that River was forced to suck in a quick breath. Staring back at her from the mirror was a small, wild eyed girl who was so pale, she could have been dead.

And all at once, everything came into sharp focus.

She was clean, changed, and bandaged.

Levi had washed the blood from her back, tied back her knotted curls with a leather cord, wrapped gauze around her abdomen to cover what must have been left from the cuts on her back, and even dressed her in a button-down shirt that was only two sizes too big and a pair of boxer shorts. She forced away the following realization that these were probably his own clothes, and pulled in a long, steadying breath.

Then one more.

 _Don't think it._

She came back to the bedroom, locating another door to the left of the bed and safely assumed it was her exit.

 _Don't think about what he could have seen. It's nothing new, he was there when you were examined._

River was prepared for the door to be locked, but the knob turned in her quivering hand. She hardly expected to walk into Levi's office on the other side, though.

 _Don't think about what might have been done..._

The man didn't look up when she entered, he was focused on the paperwork piled up about his desk.

… _with your unconscious body. Don't think it._

Her stomach clenched like it would be sick again.

"I was wondering when you'd get up," he stated.

She quietly came to stand beside the desk, clenching her hands into fists at her sides. After a silent moment, cool grey raised to fully take in the crystalline glaciers that were searching for an answer her lips were too frightened to speak. _Wild eyes_.

Levi understood those eyes, though. He knew exactly what that mind would be thinking when it put the pieces together after she woke.

He put his pen down and leaned back, fully taking in the girl's appearance. Her lips were drawn into a hard line, emphasized by the solid set of her jaw. Though she was deathly pale, nearly transparent under the light of the sun spilling through his window, she stood like a warrior ready to defend. He frowned at this, though.

She should be prepared to attack if she feels threatened. He was going to have to fix that soon.

"Are you afraid of me or afraid of repeating your past experiences?"

Straight to the point, as usual. River was caught off guard, and began to stutter in her response.

"I-I uhm…," she glanced down at her clenched hands, forced them to open, watched them violently shake and closed them again. She couldn't meet his eyes. "The latter… sir."

Levi nodded, pleased with the answer. "Why aren't you directly afraid of me?"

"B-because… there's a part of my m-mind that keeps reminding me you're not a m-m-monster… You're not him."

"Will you ever trust me," the question was hardly a whisper passing his lips.

Her head snapped up and their eyes locked. His gaze was guarded, but hers was a galloping stallion.

"I'm trying to."

Silence held them still while her words carefully danced in the air between them. She wondered if he could feel the bond the way that she suddenly could, though. Behind her collarbone, warmth blossomed and she thought for a moment that she could feel two gentle hands working to tie a bow around her heart. Her power thrummed in her veins, blood cooling yet singing. Something had clearly changed about the invisible tie between her and the man she'd submitted her enhancements to.

Levi nodded again and turned back to his work. The moment ended and he was moving on like it hardly existed. _He didn't notice, then_ , she concluded while he spoke again.

"I cleaned up the wounds, but there's still blood in your hair. I wasn't about to touch that rat's nest. You can shower in that room you came out of and then we'll go get something to eat. Don't take forever, though. Today you're going to meet the other brat I'm babysitting. Hanji has something she wants to test with both of you. Then we're going to have a fight and I'm going to figure out exactly what you can do without your powers, and how much I need to teach you."

"Wow, big day then. I'll try my best to be fast and keep up," she was already turning away as she spoke.

Levi watched her retreat into his small bedroom. His pen was poised over the half-finished report of yesterday's events for his superior. He glanced down at the metal on his wrist, noting that the green color had deepened to a venomous shade and seemed to have tendrils of black smoke dancing across the surface. This whole thing was getting more and more complicated with each passing minute.

The crazy scientist wanted him to learn how to use her power and their connection to hopefully utilize a deadlier weapon for killing titans. He wasn't sure if the strange, black spikes would be strong enough to replace their blades, but the hardest part was going to be teaching her to trust in him first. It was already becoming predictable that she would not be leaving his side, even after the next few days were over and they'd taken her before the court. The report from only the first day held enough evidence to keep her safe, though it also proved he was the only one who could properly put her to use.

But as long as she continued to think like a slave with no choice or individual strength, he was not going to be able to trust her in battle.

How was he going to change an entire paradigm, though?

His door slammed open, jarring him from his musings and once he saw the intruder, he instantly had a scowl take over his face.

"Oi, what the hell is so exciting you have to break down my door, shitty glasses?"

The redhead was breathing heavily, though and appeared frazzled. Almost even frightened. "Where is River? I can't find her in any of the cells."

"Tch, she's right here in the other room. Settle down."

Her brows knit together for a moment of confusion before she understood, letting a wolfish grin pull back her lips. Levi narrowed his eyes at the expression.

"Don't go getting any ideas."

"Let's see here," she held up a hand, fingers splayed and began counting out: "supernaturally bonded together, breaking direct orders within twenty-four hours, _sharing_ your room… I'm fairly certain we're already passed ideas."

"How are you that stupid? You seem to forget that intimacy is exactly what we need to avoid. This metal is the only thing that's going to keep her alive."

"And what makes you think she'd choose to remove it even if you two got hot and bothered?"

Levi let out an audible breath, shooting a cold glare at the woman. Her blatant ignorance not only surprised him, but irrationally angered him as well. No one would choose to be at the absolute mercy of another.

No one.

"She almost died last night. I wasn't about to throw her in a stinking cell. And since you're here, you can do something useful for a fucking change and go check the bruising on her back to see if she's even going to be able to handle your shit today," the whipping flames in his words caught them both off guard.

As if on cue, his wrist froze suddenly, drawing his attention down to the metal that was thickening in frost. He looked to the closed door and motioned for Hanji to remain silent. Slowly, he stood and made his way across the room.

There was a hardly audible whisper of muffled sobbing on the other side of the wood. The water was no longer running. His rage ebbed almost immediately, surprising him with the level of concern that settled into his chest.

"River?"

His hand was on the knob, but he knew better than to invade the room while his charge was breaking down.

"What is it," she called back, croaking the words as if they were strained against something.

As if she was choking.

"We have to get going," he said through the door. "Are you decent? Hanji's out here and I asked her to check on your back. Can she come in?"

Said scientist was watching the entire exchange quietly with wide eyes analyzing each minuscule movement Levi made. While she understood this seemingly cold apathetic man had many sides to him, including a heart of gold buried beneath that ice, this level of gentleness was utterly new and rather difficult to believe existed even as she was seeing it right before her.

"Uhm… I'd rather just come out, it would be more comfortable for you to be present… sir," River admitted impishly, her voice coming closer. "But I understand if you'd prefer I didn't."

Both were rather dumbfounded. Levi was certain that the girl wouldn't want a man coming near her, assuming it had been a memory that broke her so spontaneously. He opened the door, motioning her to come back to the office. She was still wearing the clothes that he'd dressed her in earlier, and he realized too late exactly what that must look like.

As suspected, he turned to the woman at his desk, who had easily returned to her shit eating grin.

River was moving mechanically to stand before Hanji, though she was facing Levi and already unbuttoning her shirt. The level of awkward in the room raised easily by a solid hundred percent, but he pushed it away because his whole arm was growing warm again the way that it had yesterday at dinner. As if it was filled in with moth balls and mist. Water droplets dripped down his hand from his wrist.

Something was horribly wrong with her.

"River, sto-,"

"Levi, if you finish that order right now, I swear I will throw something at you," and just like that, all traces of the robotic aftermath of crippling sadness were gone, replaced only by livid ice.

He glared in response, but surprisingly kept his mouth shut. What the hell just happened to her?

A moment later, River stood with her arms crossed to cover her bared chest, shirt on the floor, and Hanji's jaw hit the floor.

"How did this…," she seemed to answer her own question in her head. "You climbed out onto the branch that flag was on, didn't you?"

The girl nodded, then immediately flinched as Hanji laid her hand against the bruising.

"Incredible… your body can't seem to decide if your wings are a natural part of you, or an intruder."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean," snapped a confused, flustered Levi.

"It means that her body should have adapted itself to accommodate this metal by now so that hard tumbles from trees wouldn't leave bruising this badly. Yet she's still got the same, weak, human flesh that we do."

"Am I going to be okay, though," River asked, looking over her shoulder to the scientist.

Hanji pulled her lips into a hard line while she prodded the bruising with her fingertips. The girl whimpered in response, but bit down on her lip to stop further sounds of pain.

"You should be okay, I think. I'd like to watch your recovery, though, and see if it's different from a human's. You shouldn't try to push yourself, obviously. Don't pull out your wings either. You could bleed out internally for all I know. I can't assess much with them covering your bones, though. If something's broken, we aren't going to know until the bruising is gone."

"So… she's useless for the next few days," Levi concluded coldly. "How the hell are we suppose to gather all the information that we need so we can save her ass if we have to wait for her to heal now?"

It was River who responded to him this time with a roll of her eyes while her words dripped in acid, "we'll just have to study the magic instead of physical capabilities. Isn't that the part that's the most important anyways?"

Hanji had picked up the shirt on the ground, handing it back to River while she crossed the room to stand less than an inch away from Levi. Her expression was serious, eyes pinning the man with the heat of their fire.

"You need to keep your head on or it'll be _you_ that puts her in danger. And I never thought I would have to say those words to _you_ of all people. Now cool that head of yours back to the ice we all know and prefer from you," she whispered with a lethal edge slicing straight through his frustrations.

Then she spun back to River with a flourish, pulling her lips up to gently smile at the girl.

"River, dear, if you wouldn't mind coming with me, we can get you a change of clothes and some food. Shorty can meet up with us when we start today's study."

And neither of them were given the chance to argue as River was all but dragged from the room.

* * *

"Out of curiosity…," Hanji started, hands laced together under her chin. "When you bond to someone, does it have effects on them other than the new accessory?"

The girls had just finished eating, and were sitting together in the empty canteen. Hanji had observed a stiffness in the other's step that she'd tried to hide and was not about to rush her to move on. River was dressed in military clothes once again, but instead of a jacket, she was given a thick grey hoodie that Hanji had apparently found in her own closet and thought would be useful to the girl's chill.

River frowned at the inquiry, trying to remember if there was ever an indication of changes in the owners she'd had. There was Levi, and preceding him was the horrid man from her village, but before either of them it had been her mother that was bonded to her.

"I can't think of any. There's a change in me, though. But I've never seen anything in an owner aside from an ego boost."

"How do you change, if you don't mind my asking?"

The girl glanced down at the table, her cheeks reddening.

"I have to explain something about my bond before I can tell you that…,"

The girls remained in silence while Hanji's smile began to falter, easily seeing the direction this was about to take. They needed all the information they could get, though, and this was a stone that would need to be turned eventually. She thought it better to happen now rather than with Levi around if it would bring the poor girl to fear for him knowing the true extent of his power over her. Not that Hanji thought he'd ever harm her, but River didn't know him the same way.

"Go on," Hanji pressed.

River let out a heavy breath. "Well, it isn't just power that can be controlled by Levi's commands. I've said that before when I admitted that he could command me to sleep, and I would. He could even control the exact length of time I slept, right down to the minute. But it's even stronger than that… He can command even my emotions… If he really wanted to, he could…"

She stalled out. She couldn't say it.

"Force you to do something you didn't want to, and even make you enjoy it while you did," the other woman finished in horror.

The last five years River had been trapped outside of Wall Rose suddenly struck Hanji with such clarity that it felt like glass shattering over her head. There were no doubts about her treatment with the man she'd been bonded to before, but how much worse it all must have been for her own self to betray her for him. Hanji closed her eyes for a moment against the well of emotion that was building within.

There was more that River was leading to, and there was nothing anyone could do to change the torments of her past.

 _Move forward, woman_ , she commanded herself… but first…

"I know this is hard for you. I can't imagine the emotions you're possibly feeling, coming from a monster's hold and now being bonded to yet another man. If it means anything, I can personally assure you that Levi may seem cold hearted and sometimes incredibly rude, but I've known the man for years and he _will not_ put you through that again. If there is anyone I would trust unconditionally with my life, it would be him," she admitted, reaching out to carefully place a hand over River's.

The girl only nodded in response.

"How does this lead into your change," Hanji prompted gently.

Her heart was beating so loudly in her ears with anticipation that she missed the sound of a door closing at the same time the girl started to explain herself.

"I was bonded to my mother first. She said it was to make sure I wasn't found out by any stumbles with my power. I can't even remember how young I was when she taught me how to form the connection. I was fifteen when I lost her and do you know? By the time she died, I hadn't even heard her voice in years. My bond had grown so strong, I could hear her thoughts and she didn't even have to make commands anymore because the moment her heart wanted something, mine responded to give.

"This should tell you that at the very core of my being, I am a servant. Whatever it is that I am, it is designed to serve a master. And because of that, even without orders, I will instinctively do all that I can to protect and comfort the one I am bound to. I will know if Levi is sick, I will feel when he is hurt. I will move to comfort his anger or sadness if it grows too strong. I will use my own body as a shield if there are no other options, and the longer we are connected, the stronger this will become. Eventually, my entire being will solely exist to better his in every way that I can. Whether I want to or not will become irrelevant."

"I can't tell if that's poetic, ironic, or just depressing."

The low voice reached from behind her and Hanji watched her chilled eyes widen with an instant, galloping terror while she turned. Levi stood there with a hand on his hip, his eyes drawn down into that classic bored persona, and beside him was a boy slightly taller but certainly younger. His chocolate shaded hair dangled into fierce green eyes that were currently regarding her with a pity that lit her blood on fire.

Levi twitched his quickly heated wrist, but did not say another word. He simply turned and walked back out.

Everyone followed suit in silence. River choked on the pounding of her heart, which had risen into her throat and rested there for the journey outside.

 _Now that he knows that, what will he do_?

She couldn't breathe.


	9. Chapter 9

"You do realize they're going to need to be let in on some of our little secret if they're going to properly do their jobs watching over Eren, right," Levi asked, nodding towards his squad across the field.

Hanji nodded beside him. "I'd say it wouldn't make a difference if I wasn't testing her magic today. But they're going to see some things they're not going to understand if you don't brief them first… Good luck, shorty!"

Then she looked over her shoulder and called to the two awkwardly walking in silence behind her, "you two are coming with me!"

"Can I ask what we're going to be doing in today's study," River spoke up cautiously.

Hanji grinned, sending chills down the other girl's spine. "I want to see the damage your power can cause to a titan."

"And how exactly are we going to figure that one out inside the wa-," she stopped, turning towards the boy, Eren.

The memory sparked from yesterday when she walked the halls with Levi. What was it he'd said?

 _We just brought a cadet here that can turn into a titan_.

"You're the titan," she concluded on a whisper.

Hanji immediately let out a surprised gasp before exclaiming, "that's right, you two haven't been introduced yet!"

She extended a hand out to the boy, grinning as she declared, "River, this is Eren Yeager, the boy who shifts into a titan!"

Then she motioned towards the girl and turned her eyes back on Eren, "and this lovely lady here is River Ahrynn, the girl who controls magic black stuff and has giant metal wings under her skin!"

It was as if she were an announcer at a carnival. River narrowed her eyes at the scientist, but allowed this moment's comfortable atmosphere to soak into her and push back the roaring terror she'd walked out with. Across the field, she could see Levi talking with another group of people, whom she assumed to be his elite squad. The metal on his wrist was frosted over so thick, the ice was pressing into his skin. Yet he kept that arm by his side out of their view and seemed as if he barely noticed.

She reminded herself once more in that moment of the difference between Levi and her old master. After all, the old one would have ordered her fear away by now and would likely be knee deep in a beating while he forced away her emotions and any will to fight back.

A shutter passed down her spine while memories shook her core, but Hanji's excited voice drew her back into reality before she could repeat this morning's moment of weakness.

"Once Eren is changed into Titan form, we'll be testing the strength of your magic on his body in a few ways. None of which will be cutting the base of the neck, though. Only the parts of the body that can regenerate."

"Wait, titans can regenerate," River asked, dumbfounded at the words. She'd never witnessed this in any of her battles with them, which she stated into the awed silence.

"Didn't you kill the titans you fought while you were out there?"

"Yes, but I don't think they can regenerate against wounds I've made with my magic. I've never seen it."

At this, Hanji's whole face lit up and she jumped into the air, throwing up a fist as well while she shouted a loud, "yahoo!"

By that time, Levi had returned to their group, followed by three men and one woman. Eren was openly staring at River like she'd grown a second head, and the girl's blood was becoming agitated in her veins. Nerves telling her to be ready for attack, but she pushed it away as best she could.

"Oi, what the hell are you yelling about now," Levi asked in the usual monotone.

He actively avoided looking at River, though her gaze was drawn down to his hand, remembering the times yesterday when she'd sliced it open with her spikes. If she was going to be used against titans, she would need to protect him from herself. And Levi deserved to be protected, she told herself. He was still a kind human, and he could have proven otherwise on far too many occasions already for her to deny that.

"Tell them, River! Tell them what you just told me," the crazy scientist brought her back again.

She raised her eyes to find all were on her. All except for the storm grey she suddenly hoped to see. She kept her gaze on Levi's face though as she repeated:

"I have never seen a titan regenerate in the five years I was outside of Wall Rose. It would seem my magic stops that."

She watched Levi's eyes widen slightly, and slowly he turned to meet hers, searching for the truth in her statement.

"Is it possible you were just too stupid to see it," this came from the smug, older looking man that was part of the group that followed Levi back here. "Do you even know how to kill a titan, girl?"

"Slicing them straight down the middle, disintegrating their entire body, or blowing them up seemed to work for me, how do you do it, sir," she responded with more confidence than she currently possessed, not missing her master's twitching lips trying not to smile.

The man stepped forward, putting his thumb up to his chest and declaring, "well, everyone knows the only way to kill a titan is by wounding the back of its neck deep enough. Something _I'm_ nearly flawless at."

"Wow… that's the only place you guys can strike? That certainly would take skill," this time she was genuine in her surprise.

"Are we all going to ignore the part where her claims are completely impossible or am I the only one who caught that," Eren spoke up for the first time.

"They would be if Hanji and I hadn't already seen her power yesterday," Levi defended, sounding annoyed with the entire exchange. "Right now, that's exactly what we need to find out, though; if this lack of regeneration when her power is used is real. Let's get to work."

* * *

"River, why have you been staring at my hand all day?"

It was the first time he'd spoken to her since he'd overheard her confession in the canteen.

They had spent the afternoon trying, and miserably failing, at getting Eren to change into a titan inside of a dried out well. Her role remained as an observer, twiddling her thumbs since Hanji's tests for her were banked on Eren changing form.

Now, his bite marks across his hands were bandaged, and the crew was having a tea break. Eren sat at a table with the other three men on the squad, while River was with Levi, and the one woman on his team, Petra.

River had busied herself with trying to bury her incessant terror beneath her thoughts on how she could continue to make herself useful. Her life was likely going to depend upon whether her use would outweigh the threat of her power. On top of that, she knew the only way she would learn to trust in her new master would be to shift the way she thought about him. Instead of comparing him to the old one, she set to work trying to protect him.

"Can I see your hand for a moment," she asked absently, reaching up with her own so that it was aloft in the air, palm facing Levi. Then she continued, "put it against mine, if you don't mind."

Levi frowned at her for a long moment, analyzing her face as if he wasn't quite sure if he could trust her intentions. He knew she was frightened of what he'd heard and how he may use that information; it would not be difficult to imagine her lashing out.

"Please," River pleaded quietly. "I'm only trying to see if there is a way to protect your hand from my magic. I mean you no harm."

Having to admit those words aloud stung inside her chest, and it was at that moment that she fully understood what she must have been doing to Levi all this time. It wasn't a good feeling to be feared for reasons you have no control over, and especially when your intentions were true. She pulled in a shaky breath, wishing more than anything that she could trust this person who could control every ounce of her being on a whim.

But only time would allow for such a thing.

His warm palm lightly came to touch hers. She allowed her eyes to slip shut, missing the glare from the blonde woman beside him. Apparently, Levi had not told his team much about her outside of, 'don't ask questions about anything you may see or hear. Your job is with Eren, and only him. The girl is none of your concern until further notice.'

To which none were happy with, especially Petra.

"Sir, you will have to make an order for the power to work, but I will tell you what to command," River explained quietly. When she was certain he'd understood and was compliant, she told him, "welcome it to your hand. Let it pool in your palm, and spread. Order me to glove your hand in a protective layer, the same as what you saw in your office yesterday."

She couldn't see Levi's eyes narrow at the instructions, but a small smile came to her lips when he murmured the commands.

"River, send your power to my hand. Gather it first in my palm, and then stretch it across my hand. Solidify it to protect me."

The chill crept in before the black cloud manifested, spilling from her palm to his like a mist that engulfed the entire hand. It thickened in texture, becoming fluid, soaking into his skin, and then finally settled into a leather-like glove that chilled him to the bone. He sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden cold, even as it continued to move until the black was attached to his metal bracelet, and then finally it was still.

River opened her eyes when Levi pulled back his hand, bringing it before his face to observe the new addition. She held her breath, hoping this would turn out well.

Petra was practically shaking beside her captain, instinct screaming at her to protect him, even as logic just barely kept her from moving and reminded her to trust in his calm willingness to partake in this moment that could not make any sense no matter how she looked at it.

Levi flexed his hand a few times. He curled it into a fist and then straightened each digit individually. Finally, he looked up to the nervous girl across from him.

"It's freezing," was all he stated about it.

"Do you want to see if you can catch a spike," she offered, voice slightly quivering through her smiling lips.

"After my tea," he answered, drawing up the cup with his uncovered hand while the other was drawn into another fist.

"I want to get used to this glove first."

River nodded her understanding, beginning to relax.

That was when the explosion erupted.

The sound popped in her ears as a wave of heat spilled over the table, and upon pure instinct, River propelled herself across it to cover her master. She threw herself between the blast behind them, and Levi. Her fists billowed with smoke while her spine itched to release her deadly wings on the chance she had to act without magic. Her impulse control was only slightly stronger, though, allowing her to stop the mistake of pulling them out while she was healing.

Levi gently placed a hand on her shoulder as he walked passed her, seemingly unaffected by the threat.

"It's alright, you can stand down," he muttered softly.

She couldn't settle the agitation in her blood this time, but was caught off guard once again by the way he carefully chose his words so as to not make it an order. That alone allowed her fists to fall to her sides.

Her eyes widened when the smoke cleared a moment later, though.

Levi's squad was gathered with blades drawn, each looking angry and frightened, while their commander faced them. Behind him was Eren, bent over the top of a partially formed titan shoulder, complete with one arm holding the form up by the elbow. There was no skin, and to the side, the column of ribs was uncovered. Steam rose from the red muscles, and Eren's green eyes held the combined terror of everyone present.

It seemed River was the only one to see that fear, though, as the men began shouting at him chaotically.

"Who gave you permission to transform, answer us, what were you thinking," came Oluo from one side.

"No, screw that, first you owe us this! Prove to us that you aren't hostile towards humans like your life depends on it," was another, Gunther.

"Don't you move a muscle, or I will cut you down, don't tempt me kid," the older one again.

Each demanding something from the confused boy and only frightening him more and causing this whole situation to boil hotter and hotter. All the while, Levi was telling them to back off and calm down, which was blatantly ignored by the men while Petra all but begged him to step away from Eren.

 _How easily could that have been me if they'd been in the office yesterday?_

River set her jaw and came towards the group, her hands curled into fists once again, smoke rising, though she was well aware they could do no more than that without Levi's orders.

"Prove to us you aren't a threat!"

"I'll kill you if you so much as twitch one muscle!"

"Are you listening to me?"

Her nerves were on fire and by the redness she could see at Levi's wrist below the base of his glove and metal, she knew he could feel her growing anger. She stomped closer to her master, eyes glittering with crystalline frost and Levi's gaze locked with hers when she'd almost reached him.

"Don't come any closer," Petra warned, her attention instantly shifting from one threat to what she perceived as another.

Her sword was emphasizing the warning, pressed against River's abdomen just enough to feel, but not yet enough to hurt her. The threatened girl didn't acknowledge the words spoken to her, but instead, gripped the blade and allowed her rage to spill thick ice across it even though her palm felt like it was on fire.

"Sir, allow me to lend my services. Give me an order," River offered in cold monotone.

"Go cut him down with your black stuff. Oh, and feel free to strike anyone that tries to stop you," he sounded tired, but there was no hesitation.

"Are you insane? How do we even know that she isn't in cohorts with the titan twerp," Oluo shouted, incredulous.

"She's the only other person right now that's not shitting herself and actually has her head on straight," Levi snapped in return.

River thought it strange to hear him defending her, but she did not halt as she moved to the muscular mass behind him. She used the uncovered ribs as a ladder to bring her up beside the frightened young man. He was watching her with wide, awed eyes, ignoring the continued shouting from Levi's squad.

"You're not afraid of me," Eren stated, as if that observation was the hardest thing for him to believe in that moment.

She knew exactly what that was like. Her chest hurt for him.

"I'm stronger than you," was her only reply, though.

She held up her hand, forming her black ball of dancing threads once again, frost sparkling across her palm. The ball grew until it was the same size as her clenched fist before she allowed it to begin shifting.

A long, solid, double edged blade formed first. It was equal in length to the distance between the tip of her middle finger and the base of her wrist. Then, the metal became more rectangular, with grooves for her fingers to fit into as the handle.

Just as her hand closed around her dagger, there was a familiar, excited holler to their right that caused both enhanced beings to start.

Sprinting towards them was none other than Hanji. Complete with her wolf grin and wide, crazy eyes.

"EREN! Can I touch the arm, oh please let me touch the arm, this is amazing!"

She reached out once she was close, despite the boy's lack of a response, effectively burning her hands on the steaming muscle at the base of its thumb. Then she looked back up, and suddenly realized who else was with him.

"River, what are you doing up there?"

The girl held up the obsidian knife in her hand before yelling back, "didn't you want to know if my power could be used on titans?"

"What does it look like where he's attached," she exclaimed, not fully understanding that River was on direct orders.

The girl grimaced at the question, but acted as if she hadn't heard it. Her command did not leave room for Hanji to do an examination on the specimen before her. She reached down to Eren's wrist, just above where his fist was connected to cords of muscle.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she whispered at the same time that the blade came down.

It sliced through the muscle with a hiss as the blade's chill connected with the immensely heated flesh.

Eren tumbled back off the titan shoulder and smoke began to billow from it. River carefully slid down the hot muscle just before the bones underneath began collapsing and the form started to fade.

"Too soon! I wanted to put it under the knife," Hanji cried out.

* * *

Hours later, River was standing patiently against a wall inside the compound, waiting. There had been a meeting called by Hanji where everyone was taken to discuss the events of today, but she'd left the magical girl out of the report, which meant she was not part of this meeting either.

She didn't mind, though. Levi's team was certainly not impressed with her, especially not now that she'd been called upon to help while they were all reprimanded like children. _She's the only other person right now not shitting herself._ Very classy, Levi.

Instead, she thought on the bruising at her back, wondering about its progress in healing. She assumed it shouldn't have been too bad by now, none of her wounds have ever taken more than a day or two to fully heal.

River turned to face the wall, pressing her hands against it slightly out to her sides. Then she leaned into her arms, bringing her nose to the wall. As her shoulder blades moved towards each other, the dull ache pulsed across her back like a soft drum beat. Not as tender as this morning, but still probably colorful. By tomorrow, she would be able to pull her wings out and assess the bones underneath.

She'd tried that little test in the shower earlier that day to understand her own damage, and the pain had stopped her almost immediately. It had jarred loose memories with the starkness of the electricity shooting across the muscles, and before she could have stop them, they had rolled down on her in heavy waves that drowned her in their pain.

This time, all she had was the chilled wall, a dull ache, and the reminder of her weakness. Titans were easy… Kill them and don't get killed in the process. But humans were monsters.

She pressed her forehead to the freezing stone, hoping to draw this cold into her own magical chill as if it may overtake her and turn her to ice. Shatter her perhaps. Wouldn't that be nice?

 _I can't tell if that's poetic, ironic, or just depressing._

Damnit, Levi. Her eyes squeezed shut.

 _Don't remember, River. Don't think back…_

Phantom hands roamed her skin and she began to shiver.

 _Don't think about the last one to know…_

Lips pressed against her neck, muttering orders that stained her flesh and her soul.

 _He's not the same, River. You won't suffer again._

But how could she be so sure?

Oh, she'd tried so hard to keep the last one from finding out after the titans were gone and they were alone in her ruined village. He'd say, "come here." And as she complied, she would pretend that she'd chosen to. Even sometimes saying, "yes I'm coming."

But that day, she'd hoped he would die. He was only moments away from three titans closing in on him. It was her chance. Her one chance. She ran and she didn't look back, and she almost made it around a corner before the wretched man had called out,

"River, you come back here this instant!"

And her eyes filled with tears and every part of her being ached to listen while her mind battled against the command until her skull felt it would split in half. And still she turned. She came back. She watched his eyes widen as the realization struck hard and then his lips turned up and he forgot there were titans reaching down for him while he demanded, just to be sure.

"Kneel before me."

Cascading shame spilled down her bones as she complied, watching the giant hand come down towards her master and only hoping that this would be over in one more second.

But he was not a fool.

"Save me," he finally ordered. "Use your magic at your own will, but save my life and slaughter these titans!"

And he ran.

She'd spilled her power upwards in a shooting flame of black that tore the titan's arm off at the shoulder, and with a twitch of her hand, the black shot out in all directions like beams. They stabbed into the three closing in, halting them, their smiles creeping up her skin as if they were laughing at her. They knew what would come. They knew. They were so stupid, but of course they knew.

Her power spilled and spilled until they were each covered in a layer of black smoke, and then she clenched both her fists and blood rained down over her, hissing with her chill. Nothing was left but gore.

 _Stop, River. Please, don't relive this. Please._

He'd learned everything that night.

He'd ordered her to hold still.

She did.

He told her to strip.

She did.

Stop crying.

She did.

Don't fight him.

She didn't.

Enjoy it.

She. Did.

The sting in her palm brought her back while crimson liquid dripped to the ground from where her nails had drawn blood. A moment later, she heard the doors behind her open. River turned slowly, hiding her cut palms by crossing her arms over her chest. Levi stood frowning at her while behind him, his squad, Hanji, and Eren remained seated at a long table inside the room. Surprisingly, she saw a look of grave concern across Eren's face. Why the hell would he suddenly care about her?

Levi closed the doors behind him. His hand was still covered in that black glove, but it was dripping in water. The metal had once again betrayed her struggle.

"I told them about you. I had to," he admitted, eyes studying her clenched jaw and the hard line of her lips.

Ah, he probably had to explain why his accessory was creating water directly out of itself and why he'd be leaving. The kid's look made slightly more sense.

River nodded. "That's okay. It's not my place to decide who needs to know. It doesn't matter now that I'm bound."

She cursed her voice for its quiver. The man did not miss it. He reached out to her in a motion that told her to follow him, and silently, the two ventured back to his office.

Once they reached it, and the door was closed, he spoke up from behind her.

"I understand if you want to be alone right now. That room will remain yours until further notice," he explained, motioning towards the door she'd stumbled out of that morning.

River walked through, feeling Levi behind her following her into the small space. She turned to face him, a question on her lips, but the look in his half lidded eyes stopped her in her tracks. He looked troubled. A combination of annoyance and something old, a far off sadness that he'd tried to throw away. She wasn't certain what was expected of her in that moment, but she became like a statue.

"I need you to stop saying 'bound'. You are not a slave. You still have a mind of your own and I would like to see you use it. I'd rather have someone by my side that _wants_ to be there than someone that _must_ be there," exhaustion laced his explanation.

He came to her then, standing too close for her recent memories to allow her comfort, his nose barely brushing hers while he caught her gaze with his storms.

"I can't trust a slave on the battlefield to have my back. I can trust a friend, though. And I want to trust you. You say that you want to help people, well you can't do that when all you think you are is a mindless puppet. Do you understand me?"

She nodded once. He was not done.

"I want you on my team. More than that, I want you by my side as my equal. This partnership can change everything, you realize that, right?"

Again, she only nodded. He moved closer yet, sending every nerve ending off like the sound of shattering glass and her mind began to scream. He was not threatening, though, and River saw nothing in his eyes that hinted at familiar warning signs. They were clouded and calm, as if the storm had already passed and all that was left was gentle silence.

"You are always going to have choices here. I need you to understand that if you're going to remain at my side during less peaceful times."

He took three steps backwards, watched her stumble towards him one step, catch herself, stop, and then Levi turned away. His hand on the doorknob, he looked down at the gloved hand and whispered,

"When you're out there… you have to be quick on your feet and alert. Hit the ground running and don't look back. Your survival relies on the choices you make and the resolve to stick to them with no regrets. You won't survive out there if you are not free to act on your own accord, and to trust in my leadership out of personal choice."

Then he left her in the small bedroom, returning to his business as seamlessly as if he hadn't just ripped open her entire world and shoved a dream inside that was the most unattainable piece of hope she'd ever reached for. He didn't understand how utterly harsh it was for him to dangle such a sweet fantasy before her eyes.

She could never be free. Not even if her master wanted it. River didn't know what she even was, aside from not human. But the one thing she did know beyond any shadow of doubt was that at her core, she was only alive to serve. She would never be anything more than a slave.

Yet it broke her heart that this utter stranger would truly want such a thing for her. Not even her mother as she grew up thought it possible for her own daughter to live as anything different. Protection be damned, if anyone was going to have ridiculous dreams for River's freedom, one would think it would have been her mother. Certainly not a military captain.

 _Why do you think the scouts wear the wings of freedom?_

Ah, but her freedom would only be an illusion until Levi's commands stole it away, either by slip up or on purpose. How frail this strange thing was that he wanted to give her. How laughable.

 _If that's how you'll save lives though, does it matter if he's crazy?_

She supposed it didn't.

River allowed herself to lay down on what she knew was Levi's bed. She closed her eyes, lying to herself about the possibility of sleeping, and breathing in a familiar scent of tea leaves and musk. He was trying so hard to show her that he was good. That he was not to be feared. That he would not take advantage or hurt her.

She mused that night of her coming flight on his ignorant gift. Her frail wings of freedom and metal.


	10. Chapter 10

"What do we have," Erwin asked while the group was seated at a table in the dining hall.

The entire room was empty save for their filled table. Levi passed a short stack of papers across to his commander. Beside him, River kept her head down, eyes on the brown tea in the cup before her. She was focusing on the thudding of her heart and hoping that she could settle it into silence.

"I have two versions of these reports," Levi stated. "One with all of the details, and one which omits her magic. That one had to be… embellished slightly though if we intended to keep her in our ranks without a fuss. I think we can convince them to forgo military training if we drive home the length of her survival alone."

Hanji was smiling across from the two and admitted, "that was the way I wrote mine as well. Just in case."

The commander nodded while he scanned over the papers. Silence pounded through the room until Levi suddenly drew his frosted arm up to the table, frowning at the sparkling mass by his wrist. He turned his grey eyes to the girl beside him, gently elbowing her to get her attention.

"I don't know what you're thinking, kid, but either way this works out you're not going to help our case if you're this frail. Put your steel back on, would you? We need to show them a hardened warrior if you want to stay where you can trust your superiors."

She chewed her lip, not looking up to acknowledge him, though she almost wanted to laugh at the sentiment of trust. Trust does not exist without a choice. Still, she closed her eyes and pulled up the stone in her heart. After all, only a soldier would be safely walking out of that room tomorrow.

"You know, when I told you guys to gather information by exploring her capabilities, I didn't mean nearly killing her," Erwin mused, putting the reports down again.

"That was hardly my intention sir," Hanji exclaimed, earnestly offended.

"We didn't exactly know the orders wouldn't allow her to use practicality if they weren't specified initially," Levi added.

The blond nodded, furrowing his huge brows in thought. River observed the way his pale blue eyes spilled numbers and words and plans across them too fast for her to track. This was the man who would decided whether or not tomorrow would be easy on her.

He caught her eyes, all the planning stilled behind his gaze and she shrunk beneath the intensity of his stare.

"It would be easiest to keep your abilities secret tomorrow. If we can keep this from getting out, all of us would be much safer, not just yourself," he explained sternly. Then he continued after a heavy sigh, "but at the end of the day, you are the one who must live with what happens tomorrow and its consequences. We cannot guarantee success if you don't hide your abilities, but you have lost too many choices already. I will not take your future from you. How do you want us to proceed?"

The question stopped her heart in her chest. Her lungs even stuttered to a halt for a moment, choking her before they gulped down a heavy breath. A chill crept into the room. Levi's eyes narrowed on the girl, though he was more suspicious by the lack of ice on his skin. Instead, the chill seemed to utterly bypass him and permeate the air itself.

River closed her eyes, pulled in a long breath, and slammed down every skittering nerve in her body. She was solid when her lids lifted. Once again, there was a yellow ring glowing about her iris.

"I refuse to hide any longer. I'm sorry, Commander. I know that will make this more difficult than it needs to be, but you don't know what it's like to measure every step you take for fear that the wrong eyes are watching. I can't go back to that. I won't," there was not a single quiver in her ringing voice.

Erwin's gaze hardened at her admission, his frown deepening. "You'll accept the consequences of that decision? Even if it means throwing the entire equilibrium of what is left of humanity off balance? You understand that they have already been shaken far too recently by a surprise that has drawn suspicion down on us for the power we hold over the titan shifter. They may not be ready for another surprise this soon. Are you prepared to take what comes from this decision? Lives could be lost. Good men and women who have families to return to will be under further suspicion if we take another enhanced person into our ranks. Are you prepared for that?"

River's hands were closed into tight fists at her knees, her jaw set. The yellow ring was growing, spilling across her crystal blues. Hanji held her breath. Levi carefully shifted his arm beneath the table; hiding the metal that had begun to glow pale teal. His gaze remained apathetic to the entire exchange, though he was more than ready to pull his hidden blade back out if the girl so much as twitched the wrong way.

When she spoke, her voice resonated through the entire empty room with an authority that would not be challenged.

"I will not let anyone die because of me. I will protect your entire survey core of that is what is required. Do not underestimate my abilities just because I am bound. But I will not hide any longer. If I'm a freak then so be it, but I want to help people and the only way I can do that is if I am free to use my power for the collective goal of defeating the titans once and for all. And if I have to save humans from other humans too then fine. Evil is evil no matter who wears it. I'm not hiding anymore."

"So be it," Erwin replied, immediately redirecting his thoughts to the case for proving not only her enhancements, but her loyalty to humanity. "How will we convince them that she is truly bound to Levi? It would not be difficult for them to believe you are putting on an act, especially after you reveal you have a power they won't even be able to understand."

Levi tilted his head to the side, casting his steel gaze to his commander. "I have an idea, but it relies on the element of her ignorance to the plan."

He turned to River, relaxing his tense muscles when he looked down into crystal blue with no more hint of yellow. Then he frowned, admitting bluntly, "you'll probably hate me for it though, but at least I'm warning you of that now."

Hanji cleared her throat, dark eyes wide. "You're not seriously thinking of repeating what you did to Eren, are you?"

"Of course not," he replied smoothly with an edge of annoyance. "I don't think it'll warrant anything that over the top."

* * *

River did not sleep that night. She did not say a word when the group excused her to talk about Levi's plot, and she did not allow her emotions to swell as she walked back to her room in his office. All she did was remind herself how to breathe.

Pull the air in. Count to five. Let it back out. Repeat.

The metal over her ribs felt heavier than usual, pressing down until she thought she would suffocate beneath them. _Your body has adapted to its weight. Your mind is lying to you. Breathe._

Pull the air in. Count to five. Let it back out. Repeat.

Memories flashed across her eyes. She did not stop the sparkling, frosted tears that leaked down into her hair.

Hands and hands and hands.

Her skin was stained and she wanted it off her body.

She was littered with centipedes crawling across her fractured nerves and she wondered if her curling stomach would reject her dinner again. It would be interesting to see if her legs could hold her weight in that moment. But she had more important things to worry about than getting sick; she had to remember to breathe again.

Pull the air in. Count to five. Let it back out. Repeat.

She did not miss the click of the office door closing. He was back. Her lungs halted. A hush overcame her body as she listened to the scrape of his boots against the carpet. His chair squeaked. He let out a miserable sigh.

Silence.

"River, I know you're awake," came his resigned voice from the other room. "Of all the emotions I've been feeling of yours through this damned thing, I think this is the first time whatever going on in that head of yours has made my bones feel like stone."

It was strange to hear that from him. She could have sworn his breathing was labored out there.

"River?"

She wouldn't reply. How could she when she could barely move the weight off her lungs to allow them to fill?

"You know I hate this as much as you do. You have to know that."

No, she didn't know that, because it would not make any sense. Who would hate owning an entire person? Magic be damned, no one could admit the power would not rise straight into their heads when the chain is in their hands and they could do anything, demand anything, and not face a single moment of consequence or retaliation.

The chair squeaked again. There was shuffling.

"I don't want to take away your ability to choose."

The voice was closer. He was at the door. Would he come in? Was he going to demand something from her, tell her to choose, but make sure to orchestrate exactly what she would choose?

She gulped down a breath that tasted like disgust and dread.

"I meant what I said last night. I need you to understand that I am going to do my best to give you a choice whether you will listen to me or not. Whatever happens tomorrow, just remember that. Forced loyalty is not loyalty at all, and I will not have a slave on the battlefield beside me. I hope some day, you will believe that."

Shuffling on the carpet, he was moving away. The leather couch groaned. Was that where he would sleep?

River cursed that dream of freedom he kept dangling over her head. She was not ignorant to the warning inside his riddle, though. He was going to command something of her tomorrow and it would be necessary, but he would not enjoy it. She caught that message. She understood it.

She would try to remember that when he betrayed her in the court. After all, she did bring this onto herself.

* * *

Rays of light spilled onto her face. When had she managed to fall asleep, she wondered absently. There were voices on the other side of the door, muffled and quiet. She pulled in one strong breath, pushing up her lungs against the weight of her wings. Held it until she could sit up. Then she breathed out and stood.

"Alright River," she told herself, "you can have until the count of ten to be as pathetic and weepy and scared as possible. And then we have to move."

She brought herself to the washroom, counting slowly even though her heart was strangely peaceful and slow. Perhaps it was too tired for fear. She could respect that.

There was a knock on the door and Levi called her name from the other side.

"I'm up! I'll be out in two minutes," she called back, glad when her voice was calm.

The mirror showed a wild girl again, the cut on her cheek already a pale scar to add to the rest of her silver memories. Just another story written into her skin. How many books had been published against it with blood, she mused.

She turned back to the room, reaching for the bag of clothes Hanji had found for her the day before and threw on the first pieces she found in it. A white button down t-shirt and brown slacks. Her hands did not shake as she dressed. She took it for a good sign.

She was ready for the humans she once lived alongside of to decide her fate once and for all.

River walked out into the office, being met by two pairs of tired eyes. It would seem no one slept well that night. Hanji stood, wearing an uncharacteristic frown that mirrored the familiar one on her superior. He held a mass of grey in his hands. River was not ready to acknowledge that they were chains.

"We can't tell them you're a powerful, inhuman being, and have you free at the same time. You have to understand," Levi muttered, choosing his words carefully to remind her of his statement last night.

The girl nodded. She did understand, not that she liked it, but she would comply. Her hands still did not shake when she raised them to offer her wrists to her master. Physical chains were nothing in comparison to the magical one he wore at his wrist. She could handle this.

The silence between the two was pounding her eardrums as they left the compound. She was given her own horse, but it was ponied by Hanji's as they moved. River reminded herself to breathe one more time.

Pull the air in. Count to five. Let it back out. Repeat.

The ride alone felt like hours.

By the time they arrived, there was a snake at the base of her throat coiled so tight, she couldn't breathe and this time it had nothing to do with the weakness of her chest or lungs. It seemed her master was well aware of the constriction; he was actively avoiding her gaze. She could not force the obstruction away. The snake had a mind of its own. She was nearly certain it would kill her.

River felt her collarbone snap once she passed through the doors. She locked her jaw and dropped her eyes to the floor.

"Why is she cuffed," someone asked to her left.

"We haven't had a case like this in history, why not take extra precautions? Especially after that titan boy came through. You can't be too careful, knowing they have allies behind our walls," someone else answered, speculating in ignorance.

She nearly laughed at the sentiment of titans having 'allies', but bit her lip to silence the mirth. This would be a bad moment for humor. For good measure, once she was stopped, she knelt down to her knees. _Don't be perceived as a threat for as long as you can._ She let out a breath.

The sound of heavy thuds hitting wood resonated through the room.

A gruff voice called the court to order a minute later. The whispering circling her halted immediately. Then he began to explain:

"We are gathered here for the case of a citizen found outside the walls. This citizen survived titan territory for five years, as I am led to believe, and we are to hear the case from our strongest soldier of his findings to decide if she can join the survival of humanity. I will remind the court before we begin that we are to observe both questions: how did she survive, and what affect has her survival had on her mental capabilities to connect with society again? Levi Ackerman, you may now present your answers and the evidence behind them to the court."

 _Here we go._ She braced herself.

"First of all, she will not join society like a regular, peaceful citizen after what she has seen out there. The disgust of facing titans on a day to day basis alone for that long would drive any regular person to suicide. She wants to destroy them. Therefore, I personally tested her use for my squad and offered her a position as a soldier," Levi droned, sounding as though he was not embellishing her story and this was not about to take a turn that would shatter the tension already building in the air.

She could feel the weight of suspicion on her shoulders already. It was that moment which she understood finally how the state of mankind was controlled by terror: even if she were just like them, they would never trust her again because she survived. Her survival alone was enough to damn her.

River grew calm so quickly, she felt it snap into place.

"Secondly, her survival is based on her genes. Once again, we have another enhanced person that is not entirely human. Except, before you get excited; she's not like Eren Yeager."

It didn't matter, the whispers were starting up again. Protests ringing out. Some talking about insanity, others screaming about blasphemy. She didn't understand a lot of it.

The loud thuds hitting wood silenced the group again as the gruff voice came back, "and what is your proof of your claims?"

Paper shuffling. He was handing the report over. She drew in slow, easy breaths. The minutes ticked by in tense silence. There were no more eyes on her, she could only guess they were watching anxiously for a reaction. She peaked subtly about the room, recognizing the military police and one of those crazy wall cult leaders. She turned to scan the other side. Hanji caught her wandering gaze when it passed over her, sending River a reassuring smile. It didn't meet her dark eyes, though. River returned the expression. She let her gaze fall back to the ground at her feet.

The voice finally spoke up again, summing up what he read.

"This document claims impossibilities. Magic and wings made from razorblades. If we are to believe this, then it also states that her power is distinctly under Levi's complete control through the metal band on his wrist."

There was a collective gasp through the room. The calm before the terror set in, silence graced her for one more easy breath, and then the protests and threats erupted right on schedule.

"You can't expect us to believe in fairy tales!"

"If that's true, we can't risk letting her live!"

"The fact alone that she survived for so long already tells us enough, kill her!"

"You'll regret it if you let these snakes have her!"

Time to laugh again, this time she didn't bother to bite it back. The sound was missed in the chaos. More pounding to the wood.

The gruff voice returned with an easy request, "if these claims are true, you will have no reason you cannot prove it here and now."

"I was only waiting for you to let me," came her master.

She held her breath. How was he going to do this?

"River, show them your wings," was the first order.

She wondered if he knew the bruising was cleared away enough for that to be safe, or if the order was simply a gamble on his part. Still, they split her skin open and lazily came to curve out from her back, scraping the stone ground with their tips. She did not release a single sound at the flames licking across her torn rib cage and spine.

"Th-th-that only proves the part that we've brought a monstrosity into the walls," a shaking, masculine voice declared. "It doesn't prove that you're in control of her!"

Monstrosity? That was a little rude.

"River, break your chains."

Wait, what?

Her head snapped up to meet his half lidded, steel eyes. The snake returned with a vengeance in her throat as her hands pushed to either side, trying to pry apart the metal cuffs about her wrists.

"What are you doing," she asked, not masking the quiver in her voice. "Without the magic, I don't have that kind of strength!"

Her wrists were already beginning to throb with the force her limbs were exerting. Her whole body ached to obey, and this helpless feeling was far too familiar for her nerves to handle.

She should have known better than to listen to his crazy mutterings about freedom and choices.

She should have known.

"Stop me, Levi, please," she begged, her heart galloping behind her ribs.

The sound of her blood rushing through her head was thunderous and drowning out the protests as confused onlookers watched the creature in their midst try to free itself.

White lightning shot up her arms, and she could not stop herself from crying out.

"Levi it hurts! Stop me. Please, I'll break my wrists," she wailed, thrashing against her bonds in a panic as her fists continued to pull outward from each other.

Purple ink was beginning to paint her skin, some places leaking a steady drip of red down the iron.

"I don't have that kind of strength on my own," she repeated, her throat clogged with terror.

The men all seemed to grow more and more pale as she screamed, but her eyes were fixed on her master, who was staring right back with a gaze unreadable and cruel.

"Please stop me," she begged once more. "Levi! IT HURTS LEVI STOP ME PLEASE IT HURTS!"

The room grew cold, frost building across her skin, sparkling like a kiss to her cheeks. She watched his eyes narrow, pinning her with his glare. River couldn't take that look. She wanted to trust him. Had wanted it so badly, she could taste the bitter truth of her isolation on her tongue. She hung her head. Defeated. Resigned to his order. River pulled on her old skin, built of the same steel he stared her down with.

All eyes were on her when the sickening sound of a bone snapping filled the room; all except for Levi's commander. He was the only one who saw Humanity's Strongest soldier flinch, his face filling with raw shame before it flashed to an all consuming rage that he composed a moment later.

"Use your power, River," he finally allowed.

Tears lay frozen against her cheek as black ooze spilled from the lines of her palm and covered her hands. It extended down the right hand across the wrist, setting the shifted bone like a cast as it passed.

The chains snapped from behind with one easy tug, clanging against the stone when she caught herself from falling face first to the ground. She did not whimper at the ache pulsing through her broken bone.

The room remained silent.

"Come to me, River," her master commanded, oddly soft for the aftermath of her torture.

She obeyed. Her legs shook beneath her weight. She did not look at him.

His fingers came to clasp gingerly about her broken wrist, firm enough to demand her attention, yet seeming as if they were also apologizing. She assumed she was imagining it. What she became distinctly aware of, though, was the blood leaking from his palm. A moment later, she realized her wings were still extended: he hadn't ordered her to reveal them just for the show.

Aloud for all to hear, he made a familiar command, "my palm is wounded. Send your healing power to it. Do not seal it until I say so."

She felt the warm syrup stir within her chest, then leave her. It dripped from the metal on his wrist, soaking down into his hand and spreading to glow pale blue in his palm. She didn't realize her power had a light when it moved in him.

Her wrist began to sing within its shattered pieces.

"Quickly, someone go and feel that bone," Hanji shouted, taking the opportunity to its fullest and hoping this moment would never need to be repeated.

There was jostling and boots clapping against the stone. Then one of the men who threatened her life moments ago was too close for comfort with his rough hand wrapped around her wrist, over Levi's gentle hold. She turned her glacial gaze up to her master, confusion and terror bringing out a deep instinct that sunk her into her servant role at its core.

 _I belong to him and if he wills it, my life and even my body are forfeit. It doesn't matter anymore whether or not I want to fight._

She remained still and resigned. Her bones felt like lead.

Her wrist shifted as Levi's fingers tightened and that syrup seemed to spill from his palm. The man next to her let out an audible gasp, and as easily as her heavy exhale, the bone was healed.

"Do you get it now," Levi asked the court, refusing to turn away from his slave while he spoke. "I am the only one who can control her, and her power is much more than simply destruction. We can save lives out there. We can finally have an advantage against the titans."

Silence followed as the room collectively held its breath. River closed her eyes, she couldn't bear to see grey in that moment.

Finally, they were given a verdict.

"Whether or not she has the proper training is now your problem, but she will not be loose within these walls without your direct supervision. You will take her with you on your expeditions and as long as she lives, you will give a _weekly_ report on _everything_. You will not release her, nor will you have intimate relations with her. She is a tool to be used for the sake of our survival and nothing more. If you can not be trusted to put her down when the time comes, she will be _terminated_ with no further questions. Am I understood, Captain?"

"Perfectly."

"Adjourned!"

Levi's skull felt like it was splitting in half. He was well aware the girl may never forgive him for what he did to her, but he just saved her life.


	11. Chapter 11

The first thought Levi had was that he wanted to be alone, away from everyone, including River. Especially River.

For his entire journey back, he was haunted by the freshly cut memory of her begging voice echoing inside of his mind. He could pin point the exact moment in that court room when all his efforts to gain her trust were wiped away. That look on her face when she finally stopped fighting his order was enough to sicken him. The quiet snap of bone rang louder than any voice had erupted in there; that sound coating him in a layer of filth which spurred the familiar flame licking at his chest.

He looked forward to reaching the compound and taking a hot shower, itching to remove every piece of today's grime from his clothes. Deep beneath the stone exterior, he could feel that fire raging. His senses consumed by its growing flames. He knew exactly where it was coming from, too, but like hell was he about to admit that he pitied the girl. Pity was cruel, even for someone as heartless as him.

When they finally returned, it spat white hot sparks into his head at the sight of Eren awaiting their party. The one thought that took over as the fire spilled upward was if that titan brat touched his charge, he'd personally kill him. No questions asked. End of story.

On the other hand, River hadn't expected that Eren would be waiting for her return, ignorant to his personality as she was. The guy needed to try at least once to befriend any newcomer to the team. He waved to her when she came into view, which pulled her lips into a confused frown. Petra was with him, smiling at the girl's return as well. She seemed to have moved on from the initial mistrust she'd had.

Once River had dismounted, she turned to find Eren right there beside her with a smile drawing up his lips. She realized in that moment that there was a fierceness in his green eyes which she'd never noticed before, and it only seemed strengthened by the sincerity of that smile. His titan power peaked her interest with that look. It was one very few would recognize: the look of a true hero. Someone who was a warrior for the sake of others, therefore finding their strength pulled from those they care about rather than a reserve deep inside. At the back of her mind, she wondered what it would be like to see him fighting.

"What do you want," she asked, tucking all observations away behind her itching paranoia.

"I was worried about you," he admitted easily.

"Why?"

"Because, I was in that court room quite recently and I only survived because I bled for it. So, I know what it takes to convince terrified people that you're not a monster. I thought you might need someone to talk to when you got back."

His smile fell when he saw the dark look that came over her expression, but he wasn't deterred. He stepped forward, causing her misfiring nerves to stumble a few steps back. River cursed under her breath.

"I don't know what happened to bring you back here safely, but whatever anyone may have said in there about you, it's not true. And I'm not going to judge you, or treat you like a monster. I know what it's like to have people fear you before you've even had the chance to prove yourself," he told her, his tone taking on the same ferocity of his gaze.

Something about his determination carved open a pain inside of her gut. He barely knew her. He didn't even know if she was as good of a person with her powers as he intended to be with his own. Yet, here he was, trying to be a friend. She almost wanted to tell herself to laugh. Instead, she burned with fury.

"Why do you care so much," she snapped. "You've known me for all of about ten minutes! We're not about to be club buddies just because we're both freaks. I'm stronger than your titan form, and I can kill you without needing to change forms. On top of that, I most certainly don't do 'friends' these days, either. Understood?"

"Oi, shit heads! Take your quarrels elsewhere or shut the fuck up," Levi snarled as he passed by them, heading inside with his hand pressed to his head.

The ethereal cord between them sang in her chest, demanding she go with her master as it sucked away her own emotions. All thoughts of Eren and rage ceased in the space of a heartbeat. She could sense the waves of heat pouring out of Levi's anger, but it was hard to understand where that could have stemmed from. The knot yanked her forward hard and she stumbled a few steps after him. The forgotten boy was trying to gain back her attention, but she didn't hear any of his words. All she knew was that she had to be with her master. She had to help him. A hand appearing at her wrist stopped her. The fingers gently avoided what was left of the purple painting from her torment earlier, but the hold was firm, pulling her back to face its owner.

"I heard what you told Hanji yesterday and I know it terrifies you. So don't go to him," Eren whispered.

He didn't understand, though. The cord yanked again and she nearly lost her balance at its intensity. How could she explain that? Why did she have to explain herself?

"Don't touch me," she spat through bared teeth. "You don't get it. I don't have a choice; my master needs me. Now, let go of me!"

His hold only tightened while Eren dropped the gentle sadness in his tone, replacing it with something bitter: a warning.

"I may not understand this magical bond between you, but I know treating him like a 'master' and submitting yourself like a slave is _not going to make him feel any better_."

Basic human psychology would beg to differ, but she didn't have the patience for an entire class on what power does to people. All she knew was that Eren needed to let go of her. She focused on her wrist where his hand lay and shot her frustrations into her skin. Tiny spikes of ice rose into his palm, stabbing into the flesh and hissing at his unnatural heat.

"Don't. _Ever_. Touch me again," she warned with a glare mimicking the frost glittering across her wrist.

River left him clutching his hand and strolled inside, letting the cord guide her while she ignored his penetrating gaze following her until she was out of sight. Levi was not in his office as she was used to. She was led passed it, the cord pulling harder and harder until she could hear the thudding of his heavy footfalls down the next hallway. What was he doing?

It wasn't foot falls that she was hearing.

She turned a corner to find the once bored eyed, stoic, cold hearted captain now slamming his fist into the wood of a cabinet in the hall. The sound reverberated in her bones and she could see blood dripping from his knuckles.

"Stop it," she called out immediately, bolting towards him.

He closed his eyes, letting out a heavy breath. His hand stilled as best it could, though it shook with his restrained rage. Her nerves skittered and begged her to run the other way, but the cord was solidifying like a vice and pulling her closer.

"River, what the hell did you do to me," he demanded, exhaustion lacing into his irritation.

She slowed to a halt, confusion silencing every part of her that was screaming moments ago.

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything you didn't ask of me, sir," why did she feel tears welling in her eyes? Stop. Don't do such an ugly thing here. She'd already shed too many tears for that day.

Levi's eyes narrowed on her just like they had in the court room, spearing right through her chest like he hoped to murder her with the look alone. River was too tired for this. His torture was worse than anything she'd faced when the wall was broken. Dangling illusions in her face as if he actually believed in them. Her wrist throbbed with the memory. Trust him, don't trust him, what the hell did he want from her?

Her body was singing to ease his anger, don't fight him. Forgive the court room, he healed her, didn't he? Good man. Yes, he was a good man… One that was angry now because of her. It wanted her to comfort him.

There was only one way she knew how to do that, and it soiled the contents of her belly to comply.

She took a step closer to him, bringing a growl into her voice, "I don't know what's wrong with you. I have only ever bonded to two other people and neither of them were as unstable and confusing as you are. Why do we all have our trust in you? You're just as bloody weak as I am!"

He took her dare. Hook, line, and sinker. In a flash of well trained soldier's reflexes, his hands were on her arms and he slammed her back against the wall that was once beside her. If there was one thing River understood more than any, it was that a man's rage had only two outlets. The first one hadn't seemed to work, if the blood on his knuckles was any proof.

Her core sang with the possibility of helping her master, even as bile rose in her stomach when he drew his face close to hers. She did not turn away from his glare, nor did she allow her limbs to shake. As far as he knew, she was utterly compliant. She knew this dance well, even if she hated it.

"You have no idea what I'm capable of," he whispered with a lethality that danced down the razors along her spine. _Here we go_.

"And I was fine until you came along. Why the hell is this bond making a goddamn fool out of me? Answer me that!"

Well more talking was certainly not what she had expected, but she wasn't about to complain.

His jaw went slack a moment later when he realized the shape of those final words. Her eyes closed, partially for her relief, and part so she didn't have to face him anymore. She didn't have a response to his demand, but he'd ordered her to give him an answer. Instead of the rage or betrayal she thought she would feel, River only found curiosity. What would happen now? She had never been faced with an order she was incapable of performing.

Her lips moved, though, and something deep inside of her spoke with a gentle resonance.

"The cord binds magic to the entrusted soul. The magic stems from the original soul, therefore two will intertwine to form a bond. This enhances the two until they function like one. As the bond grows stronger, it confuses the mind and the body, causing human emotions to stir wildly and bringing exponential increase to what once was subtle or hidden. This continues until they settle into sync like one or rip both into pieces."

Silence followed the strange riddle. Somewhere deep in her subconscious was hidden all the answers to who she was, it would seem. Interesting. She looked up at her master. He was confused, perhaps even somewhat frightened by understanding pieces of the riddle. She knew though, putting the whole together with little effort.

Her eyes widened and her chin trembled. Ice spilled into her veins. She raised her hands against his chest and shoved him away, but he was steadfast. He stared down on her, further confused by this change.

"Why are you so _enraged_ by me," she finally asked, a few octaves short from yelling. "I've done nothing but try and try to work through this. To get used to being bound to someone so bloody hard to understand. To trust in the unstable nature of your amazingly fucked up version of kindness. If _her_ nurturing took over, and _his_ lust did, then _your_ anger was your own first before this shit ever touched it. What could I have possibly done so early on to stir so much rage!"

Her chest was rising and falling dramatically to the exasperated breathing of her own fury. She watched his jaw set before he let out a long breath, releasing all his gathered tension with it. He stepped away, turning his back and running a hand through his raven locks. He seemed to be himself again; the hardened soldier burying all feeling.

He turned his head, looking at her from the corner of his eye and admitting with a strange gentle tone, "it's not even really about anything you've done. It's what you survived."

"What is that supposed to mean," she inquired, tone quivering as she tried to push down her frustrations as well.

Levi exhaled a slow sigh, fully understanding the sensitivity of this moment even though he'd rather walk away. He didn't exactly do 'feelings', but if this strange connection was going to grow, he knew he'd have to start.

"I… I don't know how to deal with that in my head. The wounds I saw pissed me off and then hearing your story added to that. What's worse is that having to continue adding pain on top of those experiences just feels like I'm one more filthy fucking monster for you to deal with. And that is completely unacceptable of my humanity. It is by no means excusable, though, and I know that. I'm just not usually so… animated about my emotions. This whole thing is bizarre."

River chewed her lip, leaning her head back against the cold stones behind her, and raising her eyes to the ceiling. She felt the tension leave as she steadied her breath. Eventually, she whispered, "sometimes I'm not even sure that I did survive. I mean, just look at these last few moments. The last few days. All I know is fear, and the few moments I'm not afraid, it's been overridden with anger or… or something that's not quite sad but somewhere close to it. There's a part of me that will always be out there on the other side of wall Rose with that corpse I left behind. I don't know what's left of me, but I hate its frailty."

The two settled into a silence that subtly asked them both for peace. River cherished the cool stone at her back, soaking it into herself. Levi kept his back to her, letting his gaze wander out the window that spilled its golden, evening light on them. Only the sound of slowing breath could be heard. Over the minutes, some resemblance of calm filtered through their strange bubble.

"How did you find me," he asked finally, his low voice making her nearly jump.

"The bond reacted to your emotions and led me here," River admitted.

He turned to face her again, wearing a deep frown on his lips.

"Is this what you meant when you explained to Hanji that you would do anything for me even without my instruction?"

The question brought a pale thread of anxiety tickling her heart, but still, she nodded. He closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose, as if preparing himself for something.

"Does it make you think you have to use your body to calm me down?"

"Yes." _So, he did notice._

"Does it physically hurt if you fight that impulse?"

"Yes," she sounded breathless.

"I see… This won't happen again," he assured, his steel gaze reappearing and locking onto hers.

He turned to leave her there in the hall, fully intending to find solitude. A moment later, her boots were clapping the stone behind him, though. She was following him quietly. Levi halted again, but he didn't turn to her when he whispered:

"River, this is not a command, but I would appreciate privacy right now. You are free to these grounds as long as you don't start trouble. I can send someone to find you when it's okay to return to my office… at your choice, of course."

She frowned, watching him continue down the hall, but did not follow. _You are free._ A laugh pulled out of her throat at the words, but her chest felt warm. He truly was trying to deny human nature itself. The thought of using her to relieve his anger hadn't even seemed to cross his mind. Her thoughts drew back to the court, hours earlier and the memory of her wrist snapping. His cruel stare while he watched, remorseless and angry with her for begging him to stop. The chill that crept into the air as she had struggled before finally resigning to what would happen.

Perhaps it was only guilt.

River began to walk once the man was out of sight, not knowing where she could go. It was nice, though, to pretend that she wasn't a slave. The illusion fit her like an awkwardly sewn jacket.

She was curious about the poetic answer she had given her master a few moments ago. That knowledge was obviously inside of her somewhere, but she had no conscious access to it. She wondered if she should tell Hanji about this, perhaps the scientist would know how to access it and find out exactly who she was.

She didn't want to see anyone at that moment, though. The only sound in the hall was her boots on stone and the solitude felt good to her tainted skin. She hadn't realized how exhausted she was of company until now, enjoying the ability to loosen her muscles and not worry about when the next disappointment would greet her with pain.


	12. Chapter 12

The chill in the compound permeated into her bones. Eventually, she couldn't tell whether it was her own magic or just the harsh stones. She thought it comforting at first, but soon realized a more sinister change coming at her with unforgiving claws. Something scalding hot dripped from behind her collarbone, steady and unrelenting. It melted the ice over her heart with each step that she took and soon she found her pace picking up. It was as if she wanted that cold organ to come back to life. As if it could.

But it was empty, and she knew that.

The hollowness in her heart pounded like a drum beat that ached inside her bones. Nothing was going to hold it back anymore. The locked door in her mind broke open. No, God no. Being alone only plunged her into a miasma of wandering hands and sinister smiles.

 _Don't you dare cry now, River_.

It weighed down heavier with no distractions and her body suddenly came to understand its trauma fully. Knees turned to jelly, but she found herself taking off into a sprint down the corridor, blind to the few people she passed. _Don't stop or you'll break_. As long as she was moving, the dead man's hands would not reach her.

Five years was a long time to live on the receiving end of merciless power. She'd learned quickly to find comfort in her position and built stone walls around each wound torn into her soul. The pain was finally breaking through, collapsing her careful masonry and racing up her throat.

She let out a wretched sound like a wounded animal and collapsed to the ground, hardly noticing the material at her knees ripping and turning bright scarlet. The wall held her weight and she curled against it, clutching the ground with her fingers as if she would fall into Hades if she wasn't hanging on.

The years crashed down on her in inexorable waves, snapping her bones and bruising her skin all over again. Freedom was a cursed joke. This is all she would ever know.

Of course, she was found. How long she'd been there freezing and shattering by then, she wasn't entirely sure. It was time to laugh again, though, because she was found out and somehow that was hilarious to her. No true rest for the wicked; that damned bond couldn't keep its mouth shut.

He didn't say anything. She only knew he was there by the clap of his boots and the scrape of clothes as he slid down the wall to sit beside her. What was there to say anyways? He had already proven his kindness was only an act led by guilt.

"Is that what you think," he asked with a trace of amusement.

When had she opened her mouth and begun blubbering her thoughts like a fool?

"I don't waste my time on acts. Everything I do is deliberate. There's no point in pretending. That shit is for people with no purpose. No morals. It's only fucking animals that play with people."

She couldn't make her lungs work and the waves still crushed her. He grew quiet, allowing her this torment. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Command it away, Levi. Please," she sounded like a child.

"No."

River thought for a second it was only the wind that touched her shoulder, but she knew it was his answer. Another wall falling to pieces, the memories twisting and galloping in her chest, slithering harshly up. The pressure they pushed through actively pulled away that stained color so when they spilled from her eyes, no images remained. Only salt.

She shoved herself up with frail arms so that she rocked back on her haunches to face him.

"Why not," she nearly screamed.

He wasn't looking at her, rather finding interest in the tea cup he'd brought with him.

"I won't command you again. Plus, you can't bury that kind of pain without it hurting you more later," he smoothly stated, unaffected by her misery.

Her mouth hung slack as the storm inside halted for one solid moment. Warmth spilled over those ethereal wounds in a strangely calmer tide. This one flowed in time with his words sinking in.

"What do you mean... you won't command me?"

Her lips quivered around the question.

Levi turned then to finally look at the tear streaked girl. For the first time, he saw something shining from the blue depths in her eyes and fought down the smile coming to his lips. There was a single thread of hope swaying inside like a forgotten flag on a windless day.

"I mean exactly what I said. You will always have a choice with me."

Heart stuttering, her mind battled against his words. They snapped something open, and she couldn't let that thread hold sway. She feared it. Hated it.

"What about when you ordered me to snap my wrist, did I have a choice then," she bit out with acid on her tongue.

He frowned, opening his mouth to respond.

"Don't fuck with me, Levi," getting worked up again, the bond still dripping its warmth but turning sour on her hollowed, rotten heart. "You keep preaching this bullshit about choices and freedom as if you're not going to turn out like him or even my goddamn mother! Do you even comprehend how cruel you are? I keep trying to believe in you, trying like hell to truly trust that this righteous act of yours is real…"

Spilling over, oh god no, it won't stop, she can't stop it now. Tears and rage and so much agony she was blinded by it. Like a waterfall crashing down on him, she wasn't going to stop, "but no human being can resist power's seductive pull when things get difficult with someone… When a child won't listen to her mother, isn't it so goddamn easy just to command her fight away? Isn't it so much simpler to force her to comply with her bed time or chores than it is to let her throw a tantrum like all the other kids?"

He wasn't saying a word and she was on the verge of hysteria, her lungs collapsing under the weight of the nothingness in her chest. The black hole was going to devour her from the inside out. Her voice quivered, barely above a scratching whimper crawling from her throat.

"Or when you want her teenaged body but she would rather let you die than allow your hands to touch her skin. Isn't it grand that you can snatch away her choice with a few words? Isn't it so easy to turn your own guilt away if you command her body to enjoy you defiling it? If she moans and quakes and begs for more, you don't have to think about the fact that you stole away her innocence. You don't have to think about how you've stained her in a way that no amount of bleach could possibly blot out. You… you're not a monster if no one else condemns you right?"

Suffocating, her throat constricting, she couldn't look up at him anymore. She was going to be sick again.

"You can tell me you saved my life today, but you took the easy way out too. You said, 'do it' and I had no choice. You couldn't even give me the dignity of ordering I do it calmly. You wanted the theatrics. I understand that it probably saved my life. I was damned from the start. You couldn't make them not fear me, so you needed to use their fear to show your power over me. I get it. I do. But that doesn't make it noble. You _are_ a monster too and don't you fucking dare try to tell me otherwise. Don't you dare."

Shoulders quaking, she finally raised her eyes. His were calculating. Empty. No guilt to be seen, nor a single care for the shattering thing in front of him. The storm was still, circling steady and waiting for her to continue. So patient. Fine, she'd give him more.

"I think I hate you the most. The kind of torture you inflict on me is worse than anything I've ever faced. You spin dreams for me and you build up this promise that you are kind, you're different, you're not going to use the chain you hold against me. But at the end of the day, you still yank on it and steal away the very freedom you keep spinning lies about. Today was when you could have proven to me that everything you said was true. And you didn't. You're a goddamn liar, Levi."

Heavy breathing, but finally the flood found its end. Silence wrapped its arms around them like a mediating friend trying to stop this madness. Levi stirred no response, only watched her through bored, half lidded eyes. Like always. She hated him. She hated him. She hated him.

Yet the smallest voice in the back of her mind began to laugh. _You're a liar too if you truly think that._

Levi leaned back against the stone, taking a long swig of his drink. Once he was certain that she was truly done speaking, his cold voice filled the empty hall and resonated deep within the black hole their bond was still desperately trying to fill.

" _Your_ choice was made in the canteen when you chose to be open about your abilities for the good of mankind. _You_ entrusted _your life_ into _my hands_ when you made that choice. And I warned you more than once that the way I could ensure your safety would not end well and even went so far as to flat out tell you that you would likely hate it. I did what I had to in order to protect you and if you despise me for that, fine, I can accept that. But don't you dare act as if I took your fucking freedom away from you. My actions came solely out of my role to play once you made _your fucking choice._ "

River's mind stalled. The emotions halted. The memories, the quaking, even her ethereal wounds stopped bleeding. She came still. His rebuttal could not be denied for its truth. She looked away, ashamed.

"I…," how does one even begin to respond to that? Breathe. Keep it simple. "I'm sorry. I never thought… about it that way."

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the stone. "It's alright. I can't imagine how frightening it is to be in your position. I don't think I would ever be able to put this band on anyone if I were like you… not even if my life depended on it."

"My mother told me it was noble of me to be willing to lend my power to another," River explained, the words tasting bitter in her mouth. She heaved a heavy sigh and admitted, "I want to trust in you, Levi. I honestly do."

"I know. I also know that it's almost impossible given the circumstance. Don't think I don't understand that."

He looked back at her then, slitting open his eyes so only a thread of his steel could be seen.

"We need to deal with this, though, before the next expedition. That doesn't give us a whole lot of time," he muttered a heart beat later, indicating his meaning by reaching out to brush away a tear.

"Yeah…"

She started to agree, but stopped dead when she saw his outstretched limb. The sight of his arm drew out a loud gasp followed closely by her exclaiming, "oh my god!"

His pale skin glittered all the way up to the cuff of his shirt at the elbow. The ice built off his bracelet was so thick, it sliced into his skin and dripped scarlet to the ground. Yet he barely showed any sign of discomfort. In fact, the crazy man actually laughed at her reaction.

"Can't even leave you alone for five minutes without finding an entirely new meaning to the term 'frost bite', you little shit," he mused, gracing her with his seemingly less rare smile.

"You are a very weird, little man, sir… Every time I think that I have you figured out, you flip the coin and do something brand new. I was unaware you even knew how to smile," she bantered back, the bond spilling its warmth into her more freely and bringing a peaceful aura she was glad to settle into.

"Apparently I've got some brat's soul intertwined with mine… nothing can possibly make sense ever again," he quipped as he stood up, turning his back to her, but reaching out to offer her his hand. "Look, I'll try to be patient with you and help you with those ghosts from your past. I only ask that you promise me you won't let those experiences try to tell you what to expect from me. I do _not_ want a slave at my side, and frankly, I'm tired of fucking saying that."

River accepted the offered hand, fully believing for the first time that he meant it. Abilities be damned, she would be useless against titans if she couldn't work with the man she'd entrusted that magic to in the first place. _He is not perverted by power as so many others are. Just breathe._


	13. Chapter 13

Sweat dripped from her brow and blood spilled down both arms. The wind whipped through her dark curls as her powerful wings slipped through outstretched tree branches. Her eyes narrowed in on the form gliding twenty meters from her on his metal lines. His head whipped to the right and soon, he changed course, making a sharp turn in that direction to disappear behind trees. She curled one wing down, spinning on a dime to cut through the trees and follow him.

In the small clearing there stood a wooden copy of a titan, the back of its neck covered in a thick, pink cushion that was made to represent their flesh. It already had one eye shape cut from it, but she extended each hand anyways and pulled her power into them. Two replicas of the flesh pairing blades appeared, one in each hand, glistening obsidian in the afternoon sun. She pushed faster and dropped to rip her swords into the cushion, tearing it down to strike wood at the deepest part of the curves in her own eye shape.

They had yet to prove that her magic couldn't allow a titan to regenerate and to be on the safe side, Levi wanted to be certain that she knew how to kill one their way.

The figure was forgotten the moment she finished her attack, disintegrating the blades and twisting sharply to find Levi on a branch watching behind her. Her arms stung with tiny flames as her wings glided over them in her ministrations. She came to land below him on another branch, a thick puddle of red already forming as her wounds dripped steady streams.

"Did that answer your question," she called above to him.

He was frowning at the sight of the ruined target, ignoring her as his eyes worked gears behind them. She breathed heavily and wiped at the salty liquid shining on her forehead, only to groan a moment later when the scarlet painting her hand inevitably added to the nuisance instead.

Levi turned his grey eyes down to her, his frown deepening at the sight of her gory state.

"We'll head back. I have what information I needed," he finally answered, taking off before he even finished.

They came to a familiar clearing from her first night with the scouts and met with the scientist who patiently awaited them.

When she saw River's state of gore, the woman let out a surprised shout, running towards her and yelling, "why didn't you tell us this would happen? You poor thing!"

"Oh yeah, by the way, human flesh wounds easily," River quipped, amused by the reaction.

The singing in each wound down her arms was one of the most familiar songs she knew, and she was at a loss for explaining how it did not bother her. Then again, her mother had called it a worthy hazard and the monster had enjoyed her pain. Why would she ever consider that her flight could lead to anything other than pain? Why not then embrace it?

A hand appeared with a cloth in front of her face like an offering.

She shook her head, "I'll just hit the showers when we get back. Thank you, though."

"Tch. Gross. Suit yourself," Levi muttered, passing by her to address the scientist.

Hanji stopped fussing upon seeing the narrow slits of his steel eyes and squeaked, "how did the test turn out?"

"Better than expected, but still shitty. Her blades can cut deeper than ours, but she's slowed down by having to create them each time," he droned, sounding as if answering a mundane question about the weather. Then he gestured towards her and added, "obviously we're going to need to do something about her arms too or blood loss will make her useless."

"So… battle armor against metal wings and sword sheathes so she can replace her magical set only as needed. Got it," Hanji concluded, tilting her head in thought, as if there was nothing at all weird about that statement. "If we can find a material that's loose, and versatile, but also thick enough to withstand her razorblades, we could fashion a sort of sleeve for each arm."

She then looked over the shorter man's head to directly address their bloodied metallic angel, as the crazy woman had begun to refer to her. "River, while we're at it, do you want anything made for your back? I assume you don't want to continue shredding open all your clothes."

This was the third shirt to hang loosely off her arms, only held to her by a slip of fabric that remained in tact near the small of her back. One pale shoulder peaked from the clothing, her arm raising to hold the loose material bunched up at her collarbone, keeping the other hidden.

She smiled sheepishly, "that'd be nice. Just make something that's thick along the top of my shoulder blades, and around my waist. My back can protect itself mostly, but if you wanted to go through the trouble, I wouldn't mind a little extra protection if I get thrown out of the air. It happens more often that I care to admit…"

Hanji grinned, "that's exactly why I asked. If shorty didn't have anything else in mind, we can take detailed measurements right away and figure out the exact locations that can't be obstructed."

Both girls looked to the raven-haired man, who appeared miserably bored. He waved his hand in dismissal, and that was all the two needed.

"Would you like a ride back," River offered to the other woman, reaching a hand out towards her.

Hanji's grin split into an unnerving, hooting laugh. "I would love it! If you're not too exhausted of course."

River shook her head, wrapping her arms around the red head, and with no further prompting, they took to the sky. Levi watched them rise and head towards the base. He let out a long breath, turning his face back to the ground.

That girl seemed to have found it easier to settle in now that she didn't have to hide her powers from others. He would even go so far as to say she probably considered Hanji a friend.

His mind wandered back to the other night, when ice had appeared so fast around his wrist, it was biting into him before he even had a chance to register its chill. He was learning what each strange temperature meant; sadness was the moist, muggy invasion that would slither up his arm. Anger obviously lit up the bracelet like it'd been dropped into a forge. That is, unless it is a righteous anger which would change the color of the metal and permeate a chill throughout the room. And fear froze.

He pondered the strange girl's emotions. When someone had to face their tormented past in the way that she did: where she closed it off through the chaos and survived only by continuing to stare dead ahead until finally, she was free and safe… and at memory's mercy… why was it fear that reigned above all else?

Two days had gone by since then, and she did another hundred and eighty-degree shift, which he'd grown quickly accustomed to. She managed to go the entire forty-eight hours without accusing him of having ulterior motives, or eyeing him with suspicion if he came near her. It would seem he'd finally convinced her of his sincerity.

She wasn't by any means any better. He still had to deal with a freezing wrist each night while her thoughts tormented her. He couldn't move too fast around her and loud noises still made her flinch. She didn't suddenly 'fix' herself after the other day.

But at least she was more willing to let him awkwardly try to help her through her breakdowns. Though the fear seemed to be a near constant undercurrent that wouldn't let up and he had no single clue how to fix it.

On top of that, nearly every new cadet was terrified of her, which was _not_ helping. Especially considering the expedition was only days away.

He made his way back to the base slowly, rubbing at his temples as if that could alleviate the pounding in his skull. Since when did caring about subjective feelings become something he did? A dry laugh tumbled out, though, because he knew. It was this bond. Whatever her magic did to him when she attached it had started to melt the ice in his heart and mess with his priorities, which couldn't have happened at a worse possible time.

Levi could see the castle-like building in the distance over a line of trees when his wrist lit up. He flicked it a few times to keep the red-hot metal from blistering while a glare came over his eyes. His pace quickened to a faster walk, but with the girl's short temper, he safely assumed the accessory would cool rather soon. It was likely one of the newcomers made a snarky comment and she snapped back. He'd watched her do it a few times already.

When the chill seeped in, though, he released an irritated breath and took off running. No one other than him could put fear into the girl without physical measures.

And if anyone hurt her, he'd rip their heads off and shit down their throats.

River was far from helpless, but he knew she would willingly take a beating if she thought fighting back would bring a punishment down on her head. Whether her newfound trust in him was a façade or not didn't change the fact that she feared his possible wrath to the point she wouldn't dare defend herself.

Add that to the list of things he needed to change but didn't know how to.

He ran along the side of the compound, now able to hear the commotion that was situated near the main entrance. Ice pressed into his skin by the time he rounded the corner.

That fucking horse faced douche was currently eating Hanji's fist while River stood against the stone wall exterior, visibly shaking as her sticky red arms covered her bared chest. The torn shirt that she'd left the field with was now three feet from her on the ground. A swollen, purple bruise blossomed over her cheekbone.

Four other cadets stood off from the scene, jaws slack with shock. One of them, a young girl, had tears streaming down her face.

Levi balled up his fists, but instead of going to her rescue, he remained still. Observing.

Hanji finally dropped the cadet to the ground, seeming to realize beatings weren't technically her thing. The others standing around immediately came awake and rushed to the boy, calling his name in unison. As Hanji turned back to River, one more familiar face appeared on the scene; a heavy breathing Eren rounding the other side of the compound. He had cleaning duty in the horse stalls, if Levi recalled correctly. The commotion would have been easy to hear from there.

The boy's green eyes widened once they registered the scene and he spared no time in removing his military jacket while bolting towards the girl who was long lost in shock and cold memories. Levi's eyes narrowed, though. The brat was coming in too fast.

The moment he came into the girl's peripheral vision, clarity snapped back like an elastic band and one hand dropped from her chest. It glowed a deep blue as ice spilled up her arm and black smoke poured from her balled fist. He'd seen the smoke before, but the ice was brand new. As was the fire racing through his veins even while the bracelet remained thick with the same chilled substance on her arm. Interesting.

Eren held his jacket in one hand, but was reaching out to her with the other as if he would touch her shoulder before offering the piece of clothing. Levi concluded he was not only an idiot, but also had a death wish.

Her fist snapped up to his jaw as soon as he was in reach and she snarled something under her breath that sounded like a warning not to touch her.

Levi finally proceeded forward, amused with the boy now lying flat on the ground. He had to actively stop himself from directing his attention to the cadets whose lives he didn't feel like sparing.

"River," he called out as he approached, sticking his hands into his pockets and remaining unreactive.

In his peripherals, he saw the entire group tense and look up at him. _You should be running you retards._

River's shivering stopped as if his voice were a whip that turned her to stone. She turned her pale eyes up to watch him coming towards her, her mouth pulled down into a hard frown. Most would look at her and see calculated wariness; someone analyzing for further signs of abuse. She didn't fear his hands, though. It was his words that could harm her.

He grit his teeth and asked, "what did the little shit do?"

His question seemed to surprise her. She visibly relaxed, turning away while her ice guarded hand came back to normal at her side. He did not miss the way it trembled.

"He… they…," she couldn't find the words, fury and shame battling inside her eyes while she bit her lip.

Hanji stepped into stride with the shorter man while they came to stand before the girl. Eren hadn't returned to his feet but he was sitting up, rubbing his jaw and looking up at his superiors.

"When we landed here in the entrance, that group of cadets were returning from their training drills," Hanji filled in, gesturing to the empty space where the group had snuck away. "A girl commented about her fear of River, and the boy in return decided to prove there was nothing to fear. So, he grabbed the flimsy shirt and tore it off from the back as we walked in. When she turned to confront him, the girls started screaming and throwing stones at her. Then I stepped in."

Grey steel turned up to those glittering blue eyes, and with a calculated chill, Levi asked, "did you hit him?"

She shook her head, anxiety rising in her throat. "I didn't, I swear. I let Hanji deal with it, I didn't hurt anyone…," she dropped her gaze to the boy now scrambling to his feet. "… except him… but Levi, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt him. He surprised me, it was instinct, I-"

"Oi! Shut-," he froze, slammed his mouth shut and let out a long breath. Then he started again, "you can stop blubbering, you're not in any trouble. In fact, I'm more pissed off that you _didn't_ defend yourself."

Her jaw went slack and Levi reached for the jacket Eren had intended to offer. He tossed it the short distance to the girl, frowning when her confusion left her frozen even after she caught the piece of clothing.

If he didn't get this through to her now, the shit was going to hit the fan later. That damned expedition was too close. He couldn't babysit out there and he had no patients left for it anyways.

He stepped towards her, his tone quivering with sustained irritation as he explained, "since you obviously didn't know before, let me make it crystal clear now: you have full authority to defend yourself, River. You can fight back if some ass face hurts you or threatens you. Hell, I would even go so far as to say, feel free to make anyone that so much as looks at you the wrong way eat pavement. Do you understand? Because if _I have to get involved_ to defend your sorry ass, that person is going to think what I did to Eren looked like a pleasant fucking game!"

Hanji whistled in astonishment, a smile playing across her lips. Somewhere inside Levi's supposed stone-cold heart, a nerve was struck today and it was a glorious discovery indeed. She never even realized he was capable of being so open about his defensive nature.

River on the other hand, had the opposite reaction. Her wide, icy eyes narrowed considerably and her expression grew dark. It gave the boy with them chills and he stepped off to the side, but the short man only pulled back his bored face as he challenged her.

"I don't _need_ to be protected," she spat.

"Then fucking prove it," Levi growled back.

"Is that an order?"

"Do you feel compelled to listen?"

"Not particularly, old man."

The two glared each other down while Eren and Hanji stood watching; one with confusion and the other with excitement.

Just when Hanji was predicting an outburst, they were interrupted as a clumsy blonde boy turned the corner quickly, coming to an immediate halt when he almost tripped over Eren. The new comer heaved heavy breaths and he didn't seem to notice what he was interrupting, or the half naked girl less than a foot away from him.

"Corporal, sir," he saluted finally, directing his attention to the shorter man. "Commander Erwin needs to see you. It's urgent."

"Hanji, she's yours until I'm done. Keep an eye on her and for fuck sakes, show her how to throw a decent punch," he snarled as he passed by the girl without another glance.

The scientist burst out laughing as he passed. Their messenger seemed to suddenly become aware of River and his cheeks went red immediately as he tried to stutter apologies while averting his gaze.

"Armin, uhm… this is River," Eren tried to introduce, biting back laughter.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight," she demanded with a chill on her tongue.

Eren smiled, even while the blonde boy seemed to shutter. The two complied, heading inside and starting up a conversation that began with Eren explaining that she wasn't as harsh as she appeared, though he still hadn't figured out how to get off her bad side.

"You can put that on now and then we'll go to my office," Hanji told her, the smile still on her face. Then she winked and added, "it'd be best to give shorty the time to do some hunting when he's out of his meeting."

"…Hunting," River echoed with a question written on her eyes, calm again and zipping up the jacket. Her belly and scars still showed, but at least the top was covered.

A familiar, chilling grin split open on her face when Hanji answered, "for those cadets of course."

"Oh."


	14. Chapter 14

By the late evening, River had thick leather pieces cut into crude shapes that would go around her abdomen and arms. Hanji had found the material tucked away somewhere and once the measurements were made on each piece, she had sketched out designs on papers which were attached to them. She sent them off with Moblit to get them finished by a leatherworks shop that was notified earlier in the day that the scouts would need these pieces done within the next fourty-eight hours. Luckily, the shop was in the small town nearby, so much of the time they were gone would be work and not travel.

"Tell me you've noticed it," Hanji requested over a grin to the girl with her, laughing when all she received was a look of utter confusion. "The way captain shorty suddenly shows actual feelings! I mean, I've known him long enough it's not surprising the guy has a heart, I just never thought he'd ever take the thing out of its little locked box."

River glanced away, her lips turned up to a sad smile. "He didn't get a choice apparently."

This drew the scientist's attention and she tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean by that?"

"Do you remember asking me if my previous masters have ever changed when I was bound to them?"

The other woman nodded.

"I guess they did but I never put it together before…," she stopped herself, wondering if it would be wise to tell the woman about the hidden well of knowledge somewhere deep inside her mind. Hanji was the closest she had ever come to trusting in someone though. She pulled in a deep breath and explained, "a few days ago, Levi ordered me to explain why he had suddenly become this angry, emotionally unstable train wreck… it wasn't exactly intentional, he was just… frustrated. It still slipped out, though and I didn't consciously know how to answer, but some part of me did because I still obeyed the order. I then explained to us both that the magic bond was made by tying tiny pieces of our souls together… which screws with regular human emotions and heightens them until we either 'settle into sync, or tear apart both souls.'"

Silence filtered through the room for a moment, but when River looked up, the scientist had a wolfish expression on her face. Her lips pulled back into that sinister, excited grin, and her eyes glowing with the passion of her new discovery.

"That certainly isn't what I was expecting to hear," she finally admitted, sounding much calmer than anticipated. "The extra dose of grumpy makes a lot more sense now, too. But soul ties? Never thought I'd hear that outside of a fairy tale."

That was when the door slammed open, revealing the exact topic of discussion as if summoned by name. River could already taste the dread of his appearance. She wasn't ready to talk about the incident earlier. Tiny threads of shame mixed with embarrassment filtered into her chest and she turned away from his entrance, closing her eyes. Preparing herself.

"Well, speak of the devil and he appears," Hanji declared.

"Glasses," he pointed to the red head and demanded, "out."

"But-," she started, being cut off by his menacing, slitted eyes.

"Get the fuck out or I will throw you the fuck out."

He took a few steps into the room, glaring across at River, who had gotten to her feet. She came around the table, standing tall; a respectful servant greeting her master. Her gaze was turned up to the doorframe behind him, some stupid show of submission he presumed. He rolled his eyes, while Hanji made her slow way to the door.

River was going to learn one way or another tonight. Her life depended on it and once again; he didn't care if she hated him for it.

"Be gentle," Hanji called on her way out, tying a knot inside River's belly.

Once they were alone, Levi stalked towards the girl.

"I'm done coddling you. So, here's what's going to happen," he started, his tone irritated and low. "Either you're going to shit yourself and cower. Or you're going to fucking hit me. It's up to you. But I'm not leaving this room until I've made my point _crystal clear_."

Her cobalt eyes went wide, but she had no chance to move before he lunged at her. His fist found her cheek a moment later and she saw stars when she was thrown to the side by the force of it alone. He shoved her back before she could fall, one hand flat against her collarbone forcing her down over the table while a familiar blade came down. Her cheek stung where the edge split open a small wound as the tip was embedded into wood beside her. He leaned over her, his nose brushing her cheek. She stared into the raging hurricane in his eyes, not sure quite yet whether to be frightened or angry.

"Are you going to still be like this when your life depends on it out there," he growled, hardly containing the volume of his voice. "Are you my teammate or a goddamn child I'm babysitting?"

Anger it is.

"What the hell are you going on about," she shouted, shoving him off by throwing herself against his hard chest.

For a brief second, she saw those eyes widen a single fraction, surprised her shove alone could throw him back just the one step he needed for regaining balance. She stumbled away once he was moved and sucked in a shot of air before turning right into another fist she almost didn't dodge in time.

"How the hell did you survive out there for so long if you shut down at the first sign of violence," he came again.

At least he sort of answered her question.

A shot of rage pooled in her belly while he advanced towards her again. She spat the fire at him: "titans I can kill. People I can't fucking touch and you should know that. They'll have my head on a platter faster than you can swear at me!"

"Oh, bullshit River, you can beat them until they _wish_ you would fucking kill them."

He struck her again across her cheek, sending her down into the direct path of his foot coming round to connect with the fleshy part of her waist, just above her right hip bone. The moment that foot landed, his other struck out like a viper and connected to her belly. She was sent tumbling hard to the ground.

He was specifically aiming where he knew her wings were not protecting her.

"You have the freedom to fight back," he told her with a strained, cool tone as she choked on violent coughs.

She curled in on herself when another strike came for her belly. Hot tears boiled her cheeks and she cursed them for betraying her.

A far away part of her mind seemed to realize the ache from his attacks was softer than she'd prepared for. He wasn't using his full strength. It was unlikely she would even have dark bruises, if she had any at all. Another strike came across her arms guarding her stomach, throwing her off her side so she lay on her back. She coughed again, but the sting across her limbs sang luke warm. The prick couldn't even give her a proper beating. He was horrible at being a slave owner.

She almost laughed, but another half assed kick hit her thigh. This one had even less momentum than the pulled punches.

"For fuck sakes, stop letting me hit you," he declared with one more kick. His breathing was ragged, his voice dropping almost to a whisper. He sounded exhausted.

His boots stood together to her left and he squatted down, frowning at her. The bored expression had returned sometime while she was on the ground. His hand extended, causing her to flinch and close her eyes. Hold her breath.

Knuckles ghosted over the bruise on her cheek. She could feel his warm exhale when he sighed over her, prompting her to peak one icy, crystalline eye open. With the way his slender brows were knitted down, she could swear she saw pain behind the twisting storms in his half lidded gaze.

Levi stood, turning away from her and making his way to the door. Silence pounded in her aching body until he'd almost left her. He stopped in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder.

"You will get us killed out there if you can't fight for your own self. I will always defend your actions, so long as you have fought to stay alive. If you freeze, I will let you die."

He left after that, leaving her to soak in the violence and confusion. She sat herself up, wincing at a dull ache in her muscles. She soon found that the anticipation of his blows had been worse than the actual pain that was left in their wake. He'd been holding back, and if the stories of him were true, it was by quite a lot at that.

Shaking her head, she hoisted herself up onto her feet. The recently bandaged wounds in her arms were bleeding again, torn open during the confrontation. She frowned at the leaking red, but couldn't bring herself to care about new bandages.

"That man is insane," the girl muttered, heading outside into the hallway.

She surprised herself with the level of calm that settled into her veins. It almost made her laugh. A couple of kids managed to incapacitate her just because one ripped her shirt and a few others threw some rocks at her. Yet, the man she was magically enslaved to had just beaten her not two seconds ago, and she didn't even have a single skitter in her nerves to show for it.

Instead, all she had was the fire boiling inside her belly and something curling up in the black chill of her power. It limped through her blood, muttering about centipedes on her skin and tainted memories. _He's right_. It longed to be stronger. It needed to be stronger.

She wasn't ready to deal with her own power turning gluttonous.

Instead, she focused on the magma flooding her chest. If that bastard wanted her to fight back, fine.

River threw open his office door, a cool scowl set into her blue eyes. He lifted his head with ease, leaning back in his chair when he saw it was her entering.

"You have one really screwed up way of communicating," she declared as she stomped towards his desk, slamming her hands down upon it and leaned over to glare into those apathetic eyes. "A simple 'hey River, you won't be thrown into a cell to rot if you punch someone's lights out' wasn't good enough for you, was it?"

He frowned, measuring her up and fighting off a smirk. He could see it in her glacial eyes. There it was. She was no longer afraid of pissing him off. Finally.

"How many times have I told you to stop acting like a slave with no right to your own life? I decided words weren't making it clear enough," he explained in a level tone.

"Who the hell beats someone just to tell them to protect themselves?"

"Someone who had a point to make. You could have easily avoided the brunt of it."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks."

River narrowed her eyes on him, but bit her tongue. She knew the difference between a fist that aimed for pain, and one that aimed for appearing like it would be painful. Twisted and ridiculous, yes, but the tactic worked. She would snap his wrist if he laid a finger on her again and allowed her the freedom to react.

She almost laughed at that word every time it passed through her mind. Freedom seemed a little less far fetched, though, these days. The realization terrified her.

A hesitant, calloused hand pressed down over one of hers, drawing her gaze back up to his settling storms.

"I warned you that you would not be coddled. I would treat you the way I do the cadets, which includes harsh reprimand when you refuse to listen to simple instruction," he reminded, letting out a heavy breath and turning away from her. "That being said, I had hoped it wouldn't have to come to what it did tonight. You simply taking it, though, was what made it worse. Do you understand?"

She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, letting loose a small chuckle that mocked him. "Sure thing: Humanity's Strongest is a volatile dick, but if I fight back, I won't get beaten half as badly. Is that about it, _sir_?"

"I'm trying to keep you alive, you moron," he pulled back his hand like she'd burned him, picking up a pen and returning to the paperwork on his desk. "Anyways. All we're waiting on is your gear and then the scouts are heading out and if today was any indication; you'll be useless to us."

* * *

 **Some Notes from the Author::**

 **First off, don't worry you're not about to read me saying I've given up on this story. Just in case your heart dropped a little, ha ha.**

 _ **Secondly: I really had my doubts about this and the last chapter. Honestly, rewrote these more times than I could count. If it feels off kilter to you too, don't worry. It'll bounce back. I just didn't know how to get passed this hurtle and basically just thought 'how would Levi normally handle it with a non-abused person?' So. Yeah. Sorry but not really sorry cause I still liked it even if it's really mean.**_

 _ **I have another chapter that's just been sitting around in my folder and I'm still trying to figure out where it'll fit (coming soon though, my heart feels it) but it's my favorite thing ever and basically the piece that led to this entire story needing to happen.**_

 _ **Also, here's an important note:: There will likely be a few time skips after this chapter to get through the expedition because their growth together is more important to me than recreating the anime. I just wanted to give my readers a heads up.**_

 _ **And last but not least, if at any time there seems to be a weirdness in this story like OOC or bad timeline, let me know. I may do changes, I may keep it anyways, but as I've said before, I'm not used to writing fanfiction so this is a weird start for me. Just wanted to add that in since this chapter feels like a freaking splash of cold water or something ha!**_

 _ **Thank you for the support and I am definitely still writing, even though it's taking ages and ages!**_


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter is so long!**

 **But I just wanted to tuck** ** _everything_** **together in one go okay. The next chapter, it starts! That long awaited expedition is finally here!**

 **Also, this holds the part that I told you guys about last chapter, see if you can spot it, Ha ha!**

* * *

"River!"

She closed her eyes and let out an irritated breath, recognizing that voice. Turning around, she mimicked Levi's bored, half lidded eyes as Eren jogged up to her.

"What do you want," she demanded.

He greeted her with a smile that twinkled in his green eyes, not even phased by the attitude as he explained, "I just wanted to check up on you after what happened yesterday."

"Well I'm fine, thanks. You can go now," she quipped, turning to leave.

He must have learned a lesson because he didn't reach out to stop her but instead called out for her to wait. She humored him, listening to the instruction and remaining still.

"You look like you just stepped off the pages of a book," he admitted around a laugh when he came to stand in front of her again.

This time, River chuckled and replied, "that's the second time someone's said that to me."

She was adorned with her full battle gear, trying to get used to the feel of the leather sleeves on her arms and the chest piece that was tied at her sides with thick cords. On the outer curve of her right shoulder, the wings of freedom had been imprinted into the material. The pieces that covered her chest and back had been dyed to the shade of green that matched the military cloaks the others wore. An extra layer of the material was clipped to her biceps, forearms, and chest with a scaled design pressed into the pieces. Her back was covered across the shoulders and around her waist with two thick strips coming down to cover the backside of her rib cage to keep her wings from cutting her up. Another strip followed down the length of her spine, but it hung loose, capable of moving when her wings initially pulled out. A long, dark brown scabbard sat at each hip for her magical blades to be sheathed in when she eventually made them.

Her curls had been pulled back into a braided rope of dark chocolate that was curled around itself into a bun. A few stray curls danced around her cheekbones, lighting a glow in her pale skin. The ice in her eyes seemed to have grown more bold as well, or maybe it was simply that they were unobstructed now and free.

"How does it feel," Eren prompted.

"What?"

"Knowing that you're going back out there," he elaborated, then decided to further explain himself. "You survived for five years out in between the broken wall and this one, right? Now you're heading out only a couple months after coming back to safety. Are you ready to face that again?"

She frowned, turning away from him and casting her cobalt gaze out the window.

"It's completely different now," her tone was almost too low, Eren had to lean closer to hear her. "Back then, I was surviving but a part of me was hoping I'd die. I had no purpose outside of protecting one single man who didn't deserve to live any longer. He was nothing more than an animal…"

She trailed off, turning back to the large green eyes looking down at her with blue flakes of sadness floating in them. Her lips tipped up to smile and she continued, "this time, I'm going out there to protect people. I'm protecting you, and Levi, and Hanji, and the rest of the scouts to the best of my ability. I'm bringing hope to humanity's future. It's not the same at all."

"Well, I'm glad that we have you," he told her, wearing a toothy grin that reminded her of how young he was.

He held out his hand to her, which earned him a look of confusion.

"Supper has started in the canteen, why don't you come eat with me and my friends," he offered, adding in a lower tone, "you can meet some of the people you'll be protecting."

Levi was waiting for her to return from visiting Hanji, she'd been away from him all day almost and the bond itself was agitated with his absence. She chewed her lip, debating. Part of her wanted to ensure that there would be actual faces in her mind to keep her on task, but another part found a thread of fear dancing. This guy was dangerous. With his boyish smile and intense hero's eyes and empathy. He could get under her skin if she let him and it was already getting hard to keep Levi out. Granted, he had a head start due to the bond.

River made up her mind, shaking her head and lying, "I already ate on my own earlier, and I had something I was on my way to do."

His smile only faltered by a fraction, but it told her he knew better. Still, he nodded and let her go saying, "it's alright."

She wasn't quite sure what prompted her to stop him from turning away, but she reached out as he made to leave. Something glimmered in his gaze when he glanced back at her, as if he knew what she would say as she mumbled, "I have to go the same way as you for a bit, though… if you want to walk together."

Eren repeated his earlier action, offering his hand out to her while he accepted her proposal. "I'd like that. I had hoped to be able to talk to you before the expedition."

They started walking together, though she refused to take his offered limb and instead continued the conversation with a nod. He didn't seem phased and fell into step beside her.

"What did you want to talk about," she prompted, an edge of uncertainty creeping in.

He didn't reply right away. The only sound in the hall was the clap of their boots on the stone floor. River wondered at his intentions, but did so rather absently. Was he seeking friendship? She barely knew how to function with her master and the scientist. 'Friends' just seemed tedious to her. Or was it a curiosity? Perhaps he wanted to bond over their status as freaks and study in depth what exactly made her extraordinary. That thought lit up a fire in her throat.

"I'll be honest, River," Eren started, drawing back her attention. "At first I was confused by you. I thought you were insane, and then I thought Levi and Hanji were on drugs for believing your claims."

Her lips tilted down, and she glanced over to see his brows knitted like he was having a hard time choosing his words. She decided to bite her tongue and let him continue.

"You can't exactly blame me, though. Magic? Seriously? It just didn't seem real. But then I saw you when Levi's squad were all scared of my transformation. I saw your anger and that black smoke, and I watched you climb up my titan body with no trace of fear towards me… These days, that last piece alone stands out to me."

"What's your point," she urged out of him.

He let out an irritated breath, closing his eyes briefly while he decided on what to say next. "I get that you don't trust people. Whether I was meant to or not, I saw your scars yesterday. It doesn't take a scientist to put together the kind of history you must have had, so I get it if I make you nervous…"

Her throat coiled up tight enough to choke off her ability to breathe, but she waited still.

"… I just want you to know that I've got your back. Whether you asked for it or not, I'll be here to cover you if you need help."

That was nowhere near what she expected to hear from him. He stopped walking and put a gentle hand over her wrist just like he'd done before. This time, she fought the instinct to flinch or yank her arm away, but instead, she turned up to look at his serious expression.

He finished with a single warning, "and if the captain ever oversteps this thing he has with you, I'll be there to protect you. Even from him. Alright?"

Out of all the times she'd been assured about how Levi would never do such a thing, this was the first time that someone thought to give her an alternative _just in case_. She found her respect for the boy rising, but also had to laugh to herself. After last night, this moment felt dry and ironic. Not to mention pointless.

"Thank you," was all she said though.

Eren gave her a gentle smile, taking his hand away from her.

She continued to stand there, awkward and silent, waiting for him to be on his way. Possibly hoping he would ask one more time if she would join him. Not that she would.

Wordless, though, he turned and left her standing in front of her master's door. How had he known? They must have gone a full circle around the castle. She let out a long, slow breath before entering with a gentle knock to announce her presence first.

Levi glanced up from the report in his hand, his jaw locking at the sight of her. For the first time since her arrival, River looked just like the warrior her hardened eyes usually tried to declare her to be. He almost let himself smile.

"Is that amusement I see," she inquired, coming to stand before his desk.

"Tch. Are you sure you're not from one of those fairy tales kids read about," was his response. "Could almost swear I saw a drawing of you when I was a kid."

It was as close to a compliment as she was certain she'd ever hear from him.

River let out a chuckle at his words and replied, "that seems to be the consensus. You people need to find some better books."

That pulled a short laugh from the man, which in turn allowed a brilliant smile to light up on her face.

He leaned forward, putting the paper down and hardening his grey eyes, though. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

The light burnt out, her smile falling away and she nodded.

Something sparked in the back of his storms, but he nodded at her answer and leaned back. He didn't relax, but he tried to appear as if he had.

A loud knock came to the wood behind River. This time, she didn't flinch at the sound. Levi took it for a good sign.

"Enter!"  
She turned to see Erwin walk in, finding it strange how she saw no numbers or plans rushing across his expression today. Then again, all the possible planning that had to be done was over. Now they only required action.

The commander came to stand beside River, addressing her with a smile that made her wary.

"How does the new gear fit for you," he asked with sincere curiosity, adding an explanation, "I came to ensure you would be ready for the morning. If adjustments need to be made, now would be the time to let us know."

"It feels strong. A little strange, but I'll get used to it. It won't affect my flying nor my powers, so I'm fine to leave when you guys are."

He turned then to Levi, not speaking, but rather communicating with a thick, raised eyebrow for confirmation. The shorter man nodded, which seemed to satisfy the commander.

"If the two of you have any preparations to make with this bond of yours to be ready for this, I suggest you do it now. We leave in the morning," he instructed.

"Yes sir," River responded automatically.

Levi remained silent, a hard glare failing to hide the hurricane that woke inside his gaze. He was not angry, she could tell by the lack of response in their connection, but she had no guesses as to what bothered him in that moment.

Erwin made his exit just as swift, leaving the two in strained silence.

"Sir…," River started, pulling his attention back to her. " _Do_ we need to prepare anything specific for this?"

"That's a good question," he replied.

He raised his eyes up to the ceiling, flexing his hand on the desk surface as if alleviating an ache or an itch.

"Do you think you're ready to go back out there," he finally asked, turning down again to lock his gaze with hers. "Can you trust me?"

She worked her jaw for a moment, debating with her own heart whether she could submit herself out there once again. Not that she had a choice, but at least she could be honest.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to someone like you holding my chain," she admitted finally, tilting her head in absent thought. "I can't say that I don't trust in you since I am more than willing to follow your commands out there, but I can't say that I do trust in you either. In short… I'm still afraid, Levi. But at the end of the day, I gave you that metal band and I will accept the responsibility of serving you."

He nodded at her answer, quietly thankful for the honesty even as he denied a swiveling thread of disappointment. "If we can avoid needing your powers, we will. Those blades you can conjure should be more than sufficient."

"I won't argue with that," she agreed with an easy smile.

The man frowned though and added another guideline, "I want you to avoid flying when we're in formation for as long as possible. Just remain on your horse like the rest of us and don't leave my side. Understood?"

"Yes."

"One last thing," he whispered, crossing his arms over his chest. "If another soldier works against you out there, or pulls any shit with you, I am telling you right now you can consider them an enemy and defend yourself accordingly."

River didn't respond right away, staring at him with wide, cobalt eyes astonished and confused. "What are you expecting to happen out there," she asked with gentle care.

Something dark lay nestled behind his half lidded eyes, a blooming memory growing out of something bruised and discolored. "I expect everything that can possibly go wrong _to_ go wrong. Do me a favor, and don't make your death one of those possibilities. Got it?"

Her answer was a simple nod, but confusion knotted her belly into a coil. What was he not telling her? She found herself thinking back to his rage last night and the mocked beating he gave her. Perhaps his meeting with the commander held news that was eating at him. The thought just about made her laugh aloud, though and she shook it off.

"You should go get some rest," the man urged her.

She relented with a touch of reluctance. River wanted to discuss more about what they would soon face; she wanted more time to figure out what he was hiding.

But she had to be willing to obey when she was given the freedom to, and now was the perfect time to show she would.

* * *

Her mother's laugh rang in her heart as she watched the children outside playing. The morning sun lit up her face in a glow that almost appeared from beneath the skin rather than over it. She had her maple brown hair braided behind her, dropping like a rope down her back.

The glitter in her pale eyes stung River's chest as it faded to black, shadowed by the grinning titan peering in through the window. Her mother couldn't scream; by the time her mouth dropped open, the window was shattered.

Black took over and River saw nothing as her chest twisted in on itself like it would chomp down on her collarbone. Hot tears spilled down reddened cheeks, but no sound left her frozen lips.

Blood dripped down her legs, staining her delicate skin. How many wounds carved into her thighs to keep him away, how many ignored while he came down on her still? Hands gliding through the scarlet substance, spreading it across her flesh as they reached for a place that she hated. Brushing over lips like they should be kissed and plunging deep. She cried out, but still no sound came.

Her vision returned, tinted red like the gore coating her arms and slipping past crimson fingers clenched around his throat. A sick laugh tumbled from her lips as he choked and sputtered, his short black hair splayed about his head. A glance down showed her the chest cavity dripping more red fluid as the air dried his stained bones which were sticking up like fingers. Beckoning her.

"You'll never touch me again," she declared, fist rising as she turned back to his frowning, cool face.

She would take what remained of his peace. She would destroy those storm washed eyes.

That narrow, calculating stare irritated her heart, but she paused. Hadn't he made her stomach curl with mud brown eyes that took too much in one slimy gaze? This was one which somehow soothed the pounding of her suffocating heart; where was the monster that should have been glaring up at her in panic?

Centipedes skittered across her skin, but she couldn't make her arm listen to her command anymore and the agony of fighting this stillness felt it would rip her open as well.

"River," he said in a soft tone that should have made her sick.

Beneath the blood soaking into his throat, she could see pale skin peeking at her like a shy child. When had he lost his tan? Confusion coiling into the mixture, tasting like copper in her throat, now raw with scraping pieces of glass plummeting out in irritated growls.

"River," he repeated, raising his hands to either side of his own head as if she would take his surrender and give him mercy.

"No," she began, shaking her head and tightening her grasp on his throat as her nails dug into skin and black smoke rose like dancing snakes. "No, no, you destroyed me! You murdered me!"

Her throat snagged on her words, they were meant to scream, but no more glass could escape the blockage of jagged edges. The mass was stuck trying to tumble out all at once.

"River," one more time, it came out on a slow exhale.

His voice was all wrong.

The vale lifted off her eyes and the black magic faded as River released an ugly sob. She jumped back from the man laying beneath her with only a thread of consciousness left in his pale eyes. Her legs weren't ready for her weight and she fell to her knees beside the bed, bringing her hands to her face without even a flinch towards the pain in the limbs folded up beneath her. Open sobs ripped out of her chest as it bucked in a violent attempt to fill with the air racing away from her.

He sat up, rubbing at the red marks blooming across his throat, his eyes hard as stones watching her break apart into tiny pieces. The gore and bones she'd seen moments ago was closed up, just a rumpled white shirt where she thought she'd torn open his ribcage.

"N-n-nightmare," she asked, trembling.

Levi nodded, his lips drawn down. Her heart picked up, racing with anticipation. She had just threatened not only a military superior, but her own magic bound master. Her throat constricted around its bundle of jagged glass. She gulped.

"Riv-"

She didn't give him a chance.

"Please don't do it," the girl begged, her voice choked and pathetic. "Please don't, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. Please, please, don't hurt me."

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a heavy breath. When they opened, they were silver slits glaring down at her. "I swear you have shit for brains, kid… I don't know what you're thinking I'm about to say, but it is not an order," he explained, no irritation present despite the harsh beginning to the statement. Her silence gave him permission to continue. "I was just going to say, you're safe and you can calm down. I'm not going to hurt you, and you are not in danger. Okay?"

She nodded slow and pulled in a long breath, demanding that her dancing nerves settle, though they fought her. Her lungs almost forgot how to do their job. She reminded them in her mind, actively forcing them to let her breathe.

Inhale, count to five, exhale, repeat.

Their dear old friend, quiet, held the two close inside comforting arms, willing her to settle down. Levi remained unreadable, watching her begin to relax into normal breathing. Her cheeks sparkled with tears and frost, but her eyes had dried.

"Will you ever trust me," he breathed, the tiniest curl of misplaced amusement sneaking into his voice.

River thought back to the first time he'd asked her that. She had come out of his room, terrified and wild eyed, walking to his desk that morning with fists clenched at her sides. The question on her tongue couldn't find the confidence to escape, but he knew. When he looked at the girl with the dark, bloodied hair and bruises under her eyes and shoulders just quivering enough to be visible; he knew she was terrified he'd done something inhuman and abominable to her while she slept. But he was innocent to her suspicions, a gentleman who had only intended to help.

This time, though, _she_ was the monster, and there would be no innocence found.

"I could have killed you," was all that she said.

How could she talk about trusting him when this time, it had been her who proved unworthy of that very trust?

Her head snapped up when he scoffed, leaning back on his elbows as he watched the confusion curl in her eyes.

"I thought this bond stops you from being able to do that," he prompted, but moved along before she could reply. "You were dreaming of him. Right?"

Jaw locked hard enough to sprinkle pain up into her head, she nodded. Levi came forward again, slow and thoughtful as his hand reached out like an offering to her. Her nerves pulled away, but she held still, analyzing the motives of the movement.

"It makes sense, you know. You escaped something bloody and traumatizing in a way that no one will be able to grasp… and now you're walking right back into those memories in a few hours," the words came from somewhere far away inside his chest, like he knew exactly what it felt like to return to the garish scene of a waking nightmare.

His hand stopped its descent just before his fingertips could brush her chin. He was looking down at her with the most serious gaze she'd ever been pinned beneath as he whispered, "can I help you with those memories?"

Her exhale warmed his palm and she looked away from his calculating gaze. Each movement he made was deliberate and controlled. She almost loathed his care.

"I… don't know how you could without using a command," her throat felt raw and her voice scratched as she admitted it. "I wouldn't mind if you did though. You could take him away from my mind altogether, let me find some sense of peace again…"

"Do you honestly think that's going to solve this?"

Red acid dripped down her throat once more. She narrowed her eyes to icy slits. "How else do you suppose I'll forget every finger print that's embedded in my skin? Other than burning it all off."

Levi tilted his head to the side, looking away from her and breathing out a heavy breath. "You have to deal with this like everyone else. Either learn to live with those memories and thoughts, or learn to move on. It's your choice."

River could have laughed. He'd said that word again. 'Choice'. She could feel the coil in her chest rising once more. Bubbling emotions heating up, but she was so tired.

"The one time I'm willing to let you use this authority you have without getting snapped at, and you still refuse," she couldn't help but find herself amused. "You never cease to amaze me, sir."

His hand was still out stretched, and he flexed it to bring back her attention. His fingertips ghosted across the left side of her jaw, sending lightning across her shattered nerves.

"I don't even want this authority, you little shit," he muttered. "But I do want to help you. Now, will you let me?"

She let out a long breath that pooled inside his waiting, calloused palm.

"Tell me what you'll do," River demanded, her inhale quivering.

"I'll protect you."

"…how?"

"That's entirely your choice."

He opened his arms then, kneeling down and wrapping them secure around the woman who tried to kill him not ten minutes ago. It was an awkward embrace, his hold loose as if waiting for her to push him away. Ready to release her at the first sign of protest. He didn't pull her against him and in fact remained hesitant to draw in close to her. His only contact was with the brush of his bangs against her cheek and his spidery hands flat against her back.

Lightning skittered across her wings, cold terror slinking down her spine. But warmth chased it, spilling out from the hole in her chest. It was like cooling wax from a candle dripping across each frayed nerve. She could feel his breath shake beside her ear, his exhale filling the shell, slow and deliberate. Careful. Oh, so gentle.

That was the moment she felt her heart tearing itself into pieces.

"It's okay," he whispered as fluid dripped down his wrist instead of her eyes.

Her own hands shook as she tried to lift them. To push him away or pull him closer, she wasn't quite sure yet. They were like lead at her sides. She pressed her face down into his shoulder instead, pulling in a breath that stuttered and swayed.

"You're stronger than him," Levi came again, his slow hand tracing up her spine, following the length of her exhale. He chuckled in the quiet dark and added, "hell, I'm almost convinced you're stronger than me."

His fingers ghosted back down the spine, her inhale following it as if his hand was a lever that controlled her lungs.

"You're not at anyone's mercy, River, and you won't be again."

The way he breathed her name against her hair made her heart shutter and dance like a wild animal pounding on her rib cage. She needed to release it, or it'd snap her bones.

"From this point on, you're in charge," his tone hardened, and he placed a hand to her cheek, pulling her head up so she had to look at his stoic face. "You choose what happens next. In this moment and the next and so on. I'll follow _your_ lead."

"But… I can't use my powers without your commands," she reminded, gulping down the understanding of what he was truly telling her.

It was so much more than just freedom to act in battle.

It was an invitation to believe in him. To give into something that was stained once and to cleanse it if she wanted to.

And a tiny voice in her head sang that he would do it right. He would remove every last piece of grime her past had left her with.

She was certain her heart had stopped beating, but when he spoke, its pounding made his words easy to miss. There was no way he could have said, "if you need my commands, you'll be the one who instructs how I give them."

His eyes were almost black in the darkened room, but she could make out a silver thread in them still as he regarded her with careful sincerity.

"I don't want you to die," she blurted out.

They both remained silent by that confession. She would rather remain enslaved than see him die. It was hard for either of them to comprehend. The girl's walls started thickening again in response. How could she admit something like that?

River blinked back her tears, pulling out of the man's stunned arms and wiping at the fluid drying on her cheeks. He watched her start to close off the well of emotions, her vibrant eyes cast down to the carpet to try avoiding his reaction.

"I didn't plan on dying any time soon," he muttered, shocking her further.

He got up from the ground, brushing off his pants as if they could have actually gotten dust on them in _his_ room. River didn't move. Her mind raced as the weight of the moment fully crashed down over her shoulders.

Her head snapped up at the sound of the doorknob turning in his hand. _Stop him._

She couldn't make her limbs listen.

 _Click_.

He was willing to set her free. Literally. _If she chose freedom, he would freely give it._

What would that even be like? Nevermind the insanity of believing she could ever choose to give herself to another man. What would freedom mean for who she was? The angelic servant who could destroy an army of the beasts outside these walls with one command from her master.

Strokes of fear clawed up into her throat.

Would she even be capable of helping humanity if her powers were bound inside her? Or would they be hers to command of her own volition? That was something she needed to know if he was really going to break her ethereal chains. How could she accept such a gift at the cost of losing the ability to save lives?

As much as she wanted to be, she just wasn't that selfish.

Part of her hated that fact. The other part was still convinced she hadn't actually woken up yet.


	16. Chapter 16

She _was_ generally useless for the most part. Exactly as Levi had predicted, but not because of any ability lacking on her part.

Between their position inside the formation and the instructions to refrain from flying, River had absolutely nothing that she could do. It didn't necessarily bother her though; she enjoyed the sun shining down on her back and the galloping horse beneath her. The silence was deafening though. Each signal flare being shot off seemed louder because of the hush they continued to shatter, and every time she heard one, her heart would sink.

By the time they saw the black flares go up, her fists were already sprinkling frost across the reigns inside them. Another rider came to their group to bring an oral report to confirm her hatred of the quiet, but the words were washed away by the pounding of her heart in her ears. People were dying over there. All this time as they rode through the silence, people have been losing their lives.

She was supposed to be a part of what stopped that.

"Captain, let me go scout out the damage," she demanded with a desperate tone just after Levi had ordered Petra to pass on the original report.

He glanced over at her with a frown, not responding right away while he returned to look ahead.

"It's disgraceful," he finally mumbled. "We've let them get pretty deep inside the formation."

River glanced back at the replying green smoke billowing into the sky, locking her jaw tight. The ice inside her eyes seemed to glow with a rage that gave the captain an unconscious chill down his back. He glanced down at the reddening bracelet on his arm, cursing under his breath for a moment.

"You can go, River," he relented. "But whatever you see or do, remain close to the ground and don't engage. I don't want you drawing any attention, just see what's going on and then report back. Understood?"

"Yes sir!"

Blood splashed across her saddle and the grey of her horse's back end as her wings extended out behind her. The metal song sighed into the unsettling quiet, like a promise overtaking it. She tumbled off her horse, bending sideways so that she could do as told: fly close to the earth. Her fingertips even brushed the grass as she went.

Levi watched her go until she disappeared over an incline right before some trees. He wondered absently at the plan hidden inside their formation, if she would have still gone if she knew this was expected. In all honesty, he could admit he wasn't sure that she would.

He ordered Eren to send off the green flare from their group, glaring ahead. His wrist told him she made it to the scene. It didn't freeze solid the way her memories could cause, but it simply frosted over like a cold kiss to his skin. The chill permeated up his arm, though. He wondered what she was seeing; if the one they were after had truly shown themselves?

Something inside his mind snapped open in the next instant, dropping the feeling down into his abdomen where their connection rested. He felt the physical weight of the thick cord tied into his chest as it tugged, sending lightning up into his skull before a settling warmth bloomed behind his eyes.

 _It's just like him…_

"What the fuck?" he barely managed to keep his voice down.

That was River's voice. Inside of his head. As clear as if she'd spoken out loud right next to him.

 _It's like Eren. It's intelligent!_

Shit. That didn't take long at all. And that thought ran alongside both her discovery, and their connection's sudden growth. That crazy scientist would have a hay day if she found out he could command even the shape of the connection itself. He elected to avoid telling her at all costs; hell, he was still in the process of understanding what exactly was going on.

 _What does she want?_ The girl continued to ponder as she watched. Levi caught flashes inside his own mind of the carnage she was witnessing. Her gaze focused in on the broken back of a man being spun round and round by the wire of his ODM gear as the blonde haired titan marched towards the last retreating soldier.

It was all muscle instead of skin and stood more like a graceful acrobat than a mindless, bumbling beast. The curve of breasts gave away the creature's difference to other titans, but he watched through River's gaze as she found herself transfixed by the titan's eyes.

Clear blue like an undisturbed lake on a silent, windless day. It was River who recognized the sadness entrenched inside the waters, stirred and hidden by solid _intelligent_ rage.

Something inside of her understood those eyes better than anyone else. It brought a look of pity to rest on the retreating soldier, pushing his horse faster than hope could chase.

 _She's going to kill him too._ River understood too well that no one would leave that clearing once the intelligent titan knew of their presence. Her fists clenched, watching the desperation and terror wash over his features when that remaining soldier realized this too.

"Don't you fucking dare," Levi grumbled under his breath.

She froze solid in the same instant that his wrist grew… warm? It was luke warm and dripping in the honey-like power that he grew familiar with when she would heal him. But this was different. This was something that seeped into his skin and remained there. Almost like it was a coating. It reached and reached until he could damn near feel the physical pressure of her fingertips against his face, pressing into his cheeks and rising to caress his temples.

 _Levi,_ she breathed his name like a prayer behind her eyes.

He held his breath. River closed her eyes when the titan sent that final soldier and his horse flying into the air in a violent arc. She turned her back to the dead and took flight again.

"That's a good girl," he found himself praising.

She had to commend her horse for not breaking stride when the ethereal song of metal settled down onto his back again. As she took up her reins, she folded the metal back under muscle and skin. Her hiss of pain did not go unnoticed, nor would it ever.

"Sir, it's intelligent," she reported under her breath, hoping only he would hear.

He nodded, glaring ahead as they barreled towards the oncoming forest. Its trees towered ahead of them like a brown and green wall. His lack of surprise only fueled her memory of his darkened, disturbed looks the night before. _This is part of what you met with Erwin about._

River turned her attention to their destination. She recognized this place. It had once been a spot for tourism but now it was tainted… and not just by the presence of titans. Her heart sank down into her toes. She wondered if she would be sick as her belly twisted into knots. _Not here._

Levi's wrist chilled all over again, bringing a familiar pressure to his skin. The ice appearing with a sudden urgency that begged his attention on his charge.

He glanced back, fully intending to swear about whatever could possibly have bothered her in this moment but was halted. The hollow look in her cobalt eyes drew the color out until only pastel grey stared ahead at the oncoming trees. No questions were necessary at that point. He understood:

This was part of the stage of her nightmares with _him_.

Levi turned away again, gritting his teeth. He almost hoped they might chance upon evidence of the man she left out here. That she would know that he was melted inside the belly of a titan or picked apart by the insects on the forest floor. Let her find some resemblance of closure, knowing he would never return.

Shadows fell over them as they entered. River locked her jaw, barricading her mind from the echoes of silent screaming. She had a purpose for returning and her past had no part in it. Instead, she kept her ears trained on the clops of their galloping horses, pulling the sound into her chest. Her gaze remained fixed on her master's back as he glared ahead.

She was the first one to notice when the ground shuttered.

 _She's coming._

For Eren.

It didn't take much to understand the female titan's destination. She'd practically made a B-Line for their position and who knows what kind of agenda another intelligent titan could possibly have?

"Levi, what are we doing in here?" River demanded with deliberate care.

He glanced back at her, eyes narrowed and studying the girl. She glared back, sending a thought across their bond. _It's all part of some kind of plan. Isn't it_? For the fraction of a second, surprise filtered across his features. He clamped down on it, but she had already seen it.

"Just keep your eyes ahead, River," was his response.

Right. Definitely a 'higher ups' only situation. She glanced behind instead, catching Eren's darkened eyes. They matched the shadowed leaves above the group. He was picking up on their pursuer too.

One by one, she saw each soldier recognize the thuds of heavy footfalls. She was closing in on their right. River eased her wings into position down her spine, poking the tips out through skin and biting her lip against the white-hot agony. She had to be ready.

It seemed a stillness came over them like a dome. She couldn't even hear the horses anymore. Just an easy hush lying about peace in the air. And then it shattered.

The lithe acrobatic body of solid muscle dove out from the trees, catching herself and sprinting towards them. The lake in her eyes was like a warm summer's day, trapped in a time that didn't exist in this world of monsters. It tugged at River's heart. Not that it would save whoever was inside, but it gave her a moment to recognize that this was a person and maybe they were thinking this was necessary in some way. If there was one thing she'd learned about fighting people, it was that someone fighting to survive was much different from someone fighting for the sake of causing pain.

She turned back to her captain. His back was tense, but she doubted anyone else would notice. His gaze remained steadfast.

"Sir, let me at her," River all but demanded.

"No."

What? "This is the entire reason I'm here, Levi!"

"You're here because you bound yourself to me and I can't leave you behind at the compound," he bit back, almost sincere in his anger if it weren't for the strain behind his tone.

Her mouth closed. She narrowed her eyes. _What are you hiding_?

"What are your orders, captain?" came Petra's shout behind them.

He didn't respond to either of them. The ground bucked under the titan's footfalls and she listened for the sickening crunch of soldiers trying to deter her. Why were they here? Why wouldn't they fight? Wasn't that the entire reason they came into this godforsaken place?

"You're wrong," he replied for her ears alone.

"Everyone cover your ears," came his command a moment later.

He raised his gun and released a round, but this time there was no colored smoke. It was just a high-pitched squeal that echoed through the trees. _A signal, but to whom?_

She was growing weary of the secrets. Why were they here in this place and why not fight the female titan slaughtering their soldiers and what purpose could all of it serve if so many lives were lost in the mean time? Whips of heat sliced at her collarbone.

Levi snapped his head around to glare daggers at his charge, the high temperature on his wrist biting into his skin.

He didn't get a chance to yell at her, though, because a commotion was coming from the rest of the team. River turned when someone shouted Eren's name.

His hand was raised. He wanted to transform. She wasn't the only one out of the loop, then.

 _I'll go if you do_ , she assured. Not that he could hear her unlike somebody else.

"You promised us you wouldn't transform unless your life was in danger," Petra was yelling.

River almost laughed. The intelligent, angry titan was closing in and the most elite squad of the scouts was doing nothing about it while other fellow soldiers were dying. His life was forfeit the moment Levi refused to fight. _But that makes no sense._

 _It does if you realize we don't know the extent of her intellect._ A smoky voice filtered in behind her eyes.

Oh.

She glanced up into the lakes. They were foggy, misted by her rage. She grabbed someone's wires in her large fingers, locking her gaze with the ice in Rivers as she yanked the soldier forward, squashing him between her shoulder and a tree as if he were no more than a fly.

Right.

Deep breath. She relaxed her wings back inside, trained her eyes to her master's back. And ignored the boy who fought with ignorance to try turning this into a confrontation. He would get more people killed if he acted. _So what were we doing here?_

Levi was directing his attention to Eren's internal struggle. Giving another speech about choices. Except at least this time it was directed towards someone who was free to _make_ choices. A dry chuckle tumbled from her lips.

"…Choose… will you trust in yourself or me, these guys, and the entire scout regiment? I don't know the answer to that. I never have. Whether I trust myself or the choices of my dependable comrades there was no telling how things would turn out. So, just do the best you can and choose whichever you'll regret the least."

Trust.

Her heart clenched somewhere in between the footfalls of the giant closing in.

At the end of the day, that's all it boiled down to out there with the titans. To trust those around her, or to trust in herself alone. That was where the irony glared at her though, she couldn't trust in only herself. Her power was bound to Levi's commands. She had to trust him. She had no choice.

 _Click_. The memory of him exiting the room last night came like a thunderclap into her mind. Her eyes widened a single fraction and she gulped. _But what would happen to my magic then_?

"Hurry up and decide already," Levi snapped, glancing over his shoulder at the boy.

River held her breath, easing the thuds of the giant into her bones. Everything seemed to pause while the group waited for him to make up his mind. Inside that quiet, she decided at the back of her mind that she would still act on Eren's judgement. To trust Levi's lead, or her own freedom wasn't something she could figure out all on her own. The entire decision was frightening to the point of strangling her.

"I'm with you guys!"

Her heart sank into her toes and she closed her eyes. _Alright then_.

"We're going to outrun her," he declared, much to River's surprise.

 _Are you in the same forest as us_? She mused, shaking her head. Her chest somehow loosened, though. The creature closing in no longer occupied her worries. Even if logic told her Levi was insane, the bond melted to his assurance.

It all happened too fast after that.

She became distinctly aware of strange contraptions as they rode and soldiers standing next to them with triggers. She caught the flash of a familiar wolfish grin from a particular red head. Then they had passed already, like a blink and it was just trees.

The next thing she knew, the air was exploding with hundreds of gunshots.

 _It was a trap_ she finally concluded, snapping back to confirm her thought.

The female titan was locked into a position with her arms raised up to cover her weak spot. _Smart woman. Whoever you are._ Not quite smart enough, though. She was held in place by wires that had sunk into her muscles by huge arrow heads.

"Hitch the horses further ahead and switch to your ODM gear," Levi's orders brought her attention back. "I have to leave for now. Eld is in charge. Keep Eren a suitable distance away and look after my horse. River, you're with me."

Of course. She slid out her wings and took to the air, following Levi back towards the trap. When he landed next to the commander, she kept her distance and found her own huge branch to perch on. Her heart was twisting inside her chest, demanding attention, but she wasn't sure what for?

They fired a second round of wires into the titan. The explosions reverberated down her spine. She wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold, walking up and down her chosen branch.

River glanced up at the sound of ODM wires. She came still, though, meeting the titan's eyes. Terror was swirling there. It was like a living organism dancing inside the lakes. The recognition of it sent a quiet hum through her blood. Her memory knew that kind of fear like an intimate lover.

"What kind of mission could you possibly have?" River wondered aloud. "What is so important that you are willing to kill for it?"

Movement from above drew her gaze up before she could recognize the widening of the titan's eyes and the extra fluid that shot into the corners.

Levi was landing on the blonde's head, his face bored. He gestured for River to join him up there, which she did without hesitation.

"Can you cut through that?" he pointed down the titan's neck.

Her mouth dropped open with a pop. Glittering blue crystal had coated the large hands protecting the operator of this beast beneath them.

"I've never seen that before," she admitted with earnest.

"I'm not asking if you have seen it," he corrected, drawing her gaze back to his half-lidded steel. "I'm asking if you can cut though it?"

She gave a shrug, drawing out the magical blades at her hips.

"Let's find out," was all she said as she hopped down.

She flew towards the ground first, then pulled up to head back for the crystalized hands. Building speed, pulling the blades up to ready the attack.

The first blade bounced off. It left a hardly visible crack, though, which the second blade struck head on.

It sank in and she almost let out an excited Hanji-like whoop of laughter.

But it stopped.

Then the crystals shifted against it, covering over the obsidian metal and threatening to rise up for her hand.

"What the hell?" she muttered, releasing the sword and pulling back.

From above, her master called down, "you cut it! Try it again with more power."

She nodded, gathering the magic into her palms. That tight coiling inside her chest began to pound and pulsate. Her guts curling.

The screaming of the titan didn't catch her off guard as it did for the rest of those around them. It rang in her ears, picking at jagged pieces of her memory with a madman, but it didn't make her jump. It only gave her a solemn sense of de-ja-vu. Recognition dropped her heart to the forest floor. They were wails of a beast giving up what was left of its reserves.

It was the shriek of a murderer.

Somewhere near the other side of this forest lay a shack where that sound had shredded the back of a young girl's throat.

Her hands shook, and she flew up to land with her master; the bare minimum of comfort that her memory could allow. She didn't miss the irony in the notion.

The following silence weighed in on her shoulders. Levi stomped down on the blonde head, demanding to know what she just did. Swearing at her.

River pulled in one long breath. Then one more.

Her mind dripped with red.

"Levi, something's wrong," she muttered around the clog in her throat.

It shouldn't have surprised her by this point that he whipped his attention straight to her when he registered the words. It did. But it shouldn't have. He even reached out and grasped her arm behind her elbow. Steadying her.

"What are you talking about?" he all but demanded.

"That scream was calculated."

She'd done it before too, except she was no titan. She was just a scared little girl back then with a secret that she was leading beasts to clean up for her.


	17. Chapter 17

He narrowed his eyes into slits, but he didn't get the chance to say a word. River cast her gaze down to the wisps of hair beneath her.

The ground bucked with the vibration of a thousand heavy footfalls. She snapped her head up, glancing all around.

"Defend the female titan at all costs," came Erwin's command just as the first of the smiling creatures could be seen through the trees.

"Shit!" River worked her jaw as she analyzed the hordes coming for the titan.

Her calm demeanor surprised the man beside her. He didn't understand that this was an easy part for her; with titans, she didn't have to be careful. She could slaughter them with as much violence as his commands would allow.

Soldiers flew into battle all around her, but to her amazement, Levi was still right next to her. He was watching her decide her next move. When her frosted gaze finally turned to meet his, he frowned in question.

 _What will you do_? He didn't have to send the thought for her to know.

"Order a barricade, and give me the freedom to kill," she instructed, lifting into the air before she could even hear his orders.

One arm was already coated in ice up to her elbow while the opposite limb became jet black with smoke and ink.

River's iced hand was balled into a fist with two fingers straightened and pointing towards the ground behind the female titan. The power from her master's words kicked in, shivering inside her blood stream and welling at those extended fingertips. She made a simple circular motion with them, then snapped her fingers until the bloom of power finally released.

It snapped out from her skin, forcing a gasp out of her throat. A wall of jagged ice rose from the earth, letting out a crackling screech in its ascension. Titans ran headlong into it, some bouncing off while others beat against it with open palms. Some of the soldiers came still in the air, staring at the wall with a cascade of awe settling across their faces. Levi had shot his attention back to his charge out of reflex alone. His were the only eyes on her.

She pointed her blackened fist as the smoke slithered through the air and shot out for the mass of giants. A concentrated stream of ink spilled down on them, soaking over their bodies until the goo covered all in sight around their clearing. It even splashed against some of the trees, but it had dived around all the humans. The power itself was calculated and intelligent as she commanded it.

With the simple gesture of opening her fist, the black ink ripped away and rained gore down, tearing the titans apart.

The ice was still rising higher and River released a victorious hoot. Her brilliant smile could have stopped a man's heart.

The steam and blood cleared. The ground was still shaking. Her excitement faltered.

Those who were killed were simply replaced with more which barrelled into the barricade with their full bodies. As they hit the wall, the vibration through the ice had a physical reflection in her blood that she hadn't noticed with the first wave. She ignored the way it crackled inside her, pointing her fist for another beam. It barely managed to splash onto a dozen titans before the magic was cut off, though. The ice walls were cracking with the force of the mindless beasts and at the same time, white lightning spidered into River's chest. It snaked up her throat, burning it, and flashes of light stabbed inside her head. Her skull was going to split in half.

A wretched shriek ripped out of her as the walls came crumbling down to the ground. Their pieces fading and the magic returning to her; slicing into her skin. It was entirely ignorant of the armour, fading through it like an apparition through walls. A gentle dusting of frost sparkled across her cheeks.

"River!" Levi had still been watching.

Her master came for her without a second to think about it as she began to fall from the air. A trail of crimson glowed down her lips, dripping from her nose and snapping the fire in her master's gut back to life.

"Levi, her wings are too dangerous," Hanji shouted after him.

He could hardly spare her a glare, but the brief glance turned his gaze into awe when he saw her shooting her wires towards the winged girl. For one second, he thought his heart would stop in his chest. _What the fuck does she think she's –_ They missed her, hitting a tree, but he understood in one more second. He slammed on the trigger for his own a moment later.

She landed against the wires and the whine of protest in them sent a dark wave of terror through the two soldiers; wondering if the wires would hold her weight? If they could withstand the sharp metal of her sighing wings?

The wires came still, holding her unconscious above the horde. Steam billowed from the female titan off to the left as the smaller ones reached her, gnawing on her, and tearing chunks of muscle from her body. Erwin signaled the retreat, which further irritated Levi.

"We could use a hand down here," Levi called out to his commander, snapping his chin up to glare at the man.

The blonde frowned at the girl suspended by the two soldiers, but he only gestured for Levi to turn his attention back. Hanji was already on top of the situation, much better than Humanity's Strongest. Again.

She was motioning for two others around her to mirror what she'd done. Once their wires were secured beneath the metal angel, Hanji detached and walked across the makeshift netting. She hooked River's arms around her neck, yanking the girl up onto her back. It helped that her wings had a natural way of curving away from the body. It wasn't until Hanji had to hook her own arms under the girl's knees that the blades bit at her. Not that she was about to complain.

"Levi, refuel and stock up your blades," Erwin instructed. "Hanji, get her out of here."

* * *

Blood is drying against her face. One wing singing as it curls before her. A cloth in her hand; methodically wiping down each deadly feather. Her sin on the other side of the room, his mouth frozen in a scream. She keeps her jaw locked hard, shooting colors up into her head with the intensity, even as a stone settles over the guilt.

 _After everything he did to you,_ her mind reprimands _. You can't sit here feeling sorry for this._

But the weight of a life is harder to bare than the shame of the last five years.

The acknowledgement alone makes her hand shake. She closes it into a fist. Breathes in deep. Exhales slow.

Continues to wash the evidence from her curse.

Her skin is billowing with black smoke while she works. It has engulfed her body; spilling away into the room and even creeping out of the broken window. She tells her wing to give a shake, satisfied when no more drops of red come off it.

Then she is standing, her bones creaking with protest. She is not graceful as she exits the little shack, nor is she quiet when she wanders through the forest. Her black smoke is tainting the trees as she walks and at all sides there are grinning faces watching her. They want her. They follow her. Reach for her.

But the smoke melts their hands each time they come too near. It eats at them, latching on and slithering across the titan bodies all at once until the giants are just squirming masses of shining ink.

Her hands raise into the air as her eyes flutter closed.

Can titan's scream?

Her mind remembers agonized shrieking as they are skinned alive by her sticky power rising into the sky.

* * *

The first thing that River became aware of was the connection panicking. Her eyes shot open and she was sitting up before she told her back to lift. Shooting desperate glances to either side, she took in the tall trees, the scrape of her wings brushing the wood of the cart she inhabited, and something was wrong, but what?

Where was her master? Why was her chest tight?

The cord was going to pull her collarbone backwards through her spine. She choked and spluttered, coughing out violent shards of ice. What had happened?

"We weren't sure if you would wake," a soldier riding to her left drew her attention.

He was eyeing her with a combination of concern and suspicion. She narrowed her gaze for a moment, deciding if he deemed it good or bad that she did.

He seemed to become aware of himself, shifting his gaze forward before telling her, "you probably saved many of our lives back there. Even if you didn't stop those bastards altogether."

It was the closest thing to a compliment as she expected to receive. She couldn't respond, though, as a heavy groan tore from her mouth. The cord clamped so tight in her chest that it took her a long, foggy moment to understand that it was _not_ physical and would _not_ snap the bone it was tied around.

River pulled in a few heavy breaths, distinctly aware of the soldier's eyes boring into her.

"Where is Levi?" she demanded, crying out once more.

Whether he understood their connection or not, he didn't hesitate to point behind them and answer her, "he took off again behind us after we heard something like a roar."

Her wings were extended before he finished, and she was in the air. She followed the cord, diving through branches with her jaw locked. _Don't you die on me_!

She pushed faster as the cord began to settle, either by Levi's resolve or the shortening of their separation, she wasn't exactly sure. The panic wasn't easing in her blood, though. A chill seeped into her muscles from within her veins. She clenched her fists as ice began building up on her knuckles. _That is not normal_. No time to spare, though, her master could be dying. Or doing something that _would_ kill him.

Stupid heroes.

"Oh god…," it tumbled out of a mouth thick with nausea.

A body dangled from their ODM lines. His eyes hadn't closed. He was from Levi's squad.

She continued at a slower pace further into the trees, careful of lingering threats and terrified of the silence. Soon she came to find three others laying frozen in red stains. She found that if she regarded them as an artist's paintings, they didn't sting her chest as badly as she expected death to do. The chill in her veins hardened while her mind worked the trick, forcing the ice coating her skin to spread up her wrists. She gulped down chilled air as she stopped her mind from recognizing them.

It worked until blonde hair caught her eye.

"Oh, Petra!"

River's breath caught, and she let herself land in the grass behind the woman's body. Her chin against the tree, tilting her head up so her vacant eyes could run up the wood. Above her, the bark was painted with rough strokes of red; an enraged artist abusing their brush.

Her master was in good hands when this woman was around; such care she'd had for her captain. Such voluntary loyalty.

Served to the end of her life.

River felt her chin wobble, but the ice was still rising and she balled her hands until her palms pulsed in protest.

They were all dead. Levi's whole squad. All murdered. With no reverence. No hesitation. Just calculated slaughter.

Something skipped in her chest and she searched the gore with a breath of desperation. _Eren had been with them_. He couldn't die on her now. Not after he'd promised her that he'd watch over her. Not now that her heart was frozen with the decision she'd allowed him to unknowingly make for her.

No matter how many times she scanned her surroundings, she couldn't count another body, though. A shaking, relieved breath left her lips. He was not among them. She wondered if his was the roar that pulled her master away from the retreat? Locking her jaw, she turned from the blood.

She rose into the air again, taking off with a desperate surge after the pull of their connection. Until she saw otherwise, she would function like he was in pursuit of the murderer. _Don't die on me up there, don't you dare die_.

If she were thinking clearly, she might have laughed at the sentiment. Clear was not exactly the state of her mind at the moment, though. Desperation. Panic. Those sounded much closer to what was happening in her heart. Clarity was drowning under the chill rising into her throat.

The cord gave an excited and relieved tug that almost pulled her from the sky when she finally saw him.

He was a whirlwind of blades. Slicing up the female titan's body in somersaults sped up by the pull of his wires as he traveled up and down her giant arms and legs. River's breath caught just long enough for her to assess the situation.

The blonde titan was leaned against a tree, blood and steam pouring from her body at Levi's assault. Her hand was again raised to protect the back of her neck, her lake-water eyes hidden, clenched shut and bleeding.

Her arm fell, though. The muscles too torn to hold it up any longer. Her master was going to win.

Another woman flew in from behind the tree, going straight for the uncovered neck. They would win. Short lived justice for lives that couldn't be returned. She felt no joy, but she wasn't exactly unhappy with the notion either.

It wasn't until Levi's indecipherable shout that River distinctly remembered the intelligence in this magnificent creature.

She didn't give herself the chance to think about the course of action. Her body moved of its own accord. He didn't know she was there and wouldn't have the time to command her. But the titan's hand was raising, and the other woman was going to get herself killed.

 _Not while I'm here_!

River barrelled ahead, her left wing outstretched fully to bring the blades against the titan's jugular for good measure. The other wing bent and flattened against her back, avoiding Levi who was landing on the rising hand in hopes of deflecting it. Heat raced up her leg, crackling fire across the muscle with a sudden urgency that had her crying out. It was not her pain, though, and the understanding enraged her.

She caught the descending woman around her waist and yanked her back towards the tree, rising up even as fists came down on her shoulder in protest. _Your ignorance wounded my master, you little shit_. She stopped herself from saying it, though.

"You won't be a hero," she whispered instead, placing the woman down on a branch above. "You were just going to die!"

"She has Eren," the woman protested, clocking River across the jaw.

She saw stars and was already yanking back her fist to retaliate when she froze. The girl had jet black hair and dark eyes with a loyal rage that threatened to shatter every bone in River's body if she got in the way. There it was again. Voluntary loyalty. What did that feel like?

"Not anymore," came the voice of smoke correcting the girl's statement.

River watched as the anger settled like a switch flipping inside the other's mind, both women turning to face Levi above them.

Eren was clutched under one arm, unconscious and covered with yellow mucus. She could smell him from there, a musk of saliva and salt. Beside her, the girl muttered his name in what could only be described as adoration.

"He's alive," Levi told them. "Filthy, though. Don't worry about anything else. We're pulling back."

Steaming blood circled his eyes, dripping down his cheeks. River turned back to the immobile titan, her mouth pulled down. Levi was still talking, but she understood the rest was for the girl trying to throw her life away.

"Is it more important to get the revenge you desire?"

She almost snorted.

Revenge was for children.

Her mind flashed back to strangling Levi, thinking he was the man haunting her dreams. What was it that she'd screamed at him?

 _You murdered me_ …

Right. But she murdered him too; the one she was truly yelling at… She'd taken his life long before the nightmares plagued her. She'd given him a release from any further torment. He'd never face guilt over what he's done… he would never face justice. Instead all she'd accomplished was almost killing the one master who wanted her freed more than she did.

Revenge was useless in the end.

It took her a moment to come back and realize she was alone. The cord tugged twice to remind her to follow her master, who was heading towards the retreating soldiers again. She frowned at his back, extending her wings.

Her arms were frozen as she took off after him.

* * *

"What's happening to you?" he asked as they dropped down from their horses.

River didn't respond. She couldn't. She didn't know. The ice was cresting over her shoulders.

The soldiers were gathering together on the crown of a gentle hill in the prairie they were riding through. Some were crying, others were hardened; vacant eyes watching their work as they loaded up comrades wrapped in sheets.

Someone started shouting. River turned a dull gaze over to the man with tears in his eyes, harassing the commander. He wanted his friend's body. She turned away from him, pulling in a long breath. If she hadn't failed them, his friend may still be alive.

"Don't do that to yourself, brat."

She heaved a sigh, the side of her mouth tilting up. "Why not? I could have done more."

Levi was watching her with a hard, unreadable expression. Their connection told her his chest was heavy and his shoulders were weighed down by iron. She frowned at him, wanting to apologize for not protecting his team. She was there to turn the tides, but she'd been too weak to accomplish anything.

"You don't remember what knocked you out," he stated.

River rolled her eyes, turning away from him. "It doesn't matter what I did, it wasn't enough. Memory or no."

Her skin jolted when a hand rested on her shoulder. He stood next to her, watching the treeline they'd left behind.

"Your ice powers are somehow connected to your physical body, River. You took the full force of a horde of titans beating on you in order to give us a chance." He turned to look down at her, catching her gaze with something cold and broken inside his own. "You did more for that man's friend than I did."

River had to turn away again, casting her gaze onto her boots. She gulped down hard stones in her throat, fighting back the urge to begin weeping. Her master needed her to be strong. Because he was strong and hurting too. She inhaled a shaking breath.

"It's time to go," he stated, all emotion tucked away into a neat closet.

Right. Time to go. Leave the dead. The horror.

One more deep breath before she pulled herself up into her saddle.

* * *

She thought the thudding was imagined at first. Her mind was twisting around Levi's words and trying to remember what happened before she woke up in the carriage. Vibrations spilled across her chest, but it was the closest she came to remembering the event.

It wasn't until someone was shouting that she realized it wasn't a memory at all.

She glanced over her shoulder and her eyes widened.

Two men rode towards the group, a battered body draped over the one's back. Two titans closed in on them. Her widened gaze narrowed, spearing the skinny titan behind them with a look of death itself. They'd gone back for their friend.

"That stupid son of a-"

"River," Levi interrupted, "we can't use our gear out here, there's no tall trees or buildings."

His scowl was easy to hear in his voice.

She let out a laugh. "So, you're all sitting ducks then," she mused.

Someone riding nearby pulled in a sharp breath, probably taking her statement for the solid truth.

Forgetting she was there for this exact reason. Again, she didn't wait for Levi to give her permission before she acted.

The ice climbing her skin had almost reached across her entire abdomen, so when she took flight, Levi found himself sucking in an involuntary hiss. She was like liquid gold, rising into the sun with her metal wings and a frozen glittering ocean spilling across her body.

A goddess of war.

That was the children's book character she reminded him of.

The black smoke was rising off his banded arm again, though. He frowned at it, casting analytical eyes back and forth between the limb and the woman in the air. Something was wrong with her, but whatever it was, it was making her stronger.

One titan dropped hard to the ground, sending shock waves through the earth and bucking the body off his friend's back. She rose into the air again, a silhouette against the glow of the setting sun.

"She's like an angel," someone whispered.

Levi almost laughed.

These were the same soldiers who'd been terrified to trust her as a comrade in battle. The shift was understandable, though. Actions speak louder than words. It was one thing for Levi to _say_ that she would be a good addition to their team. An entirely other story for her to _show_ that she would not let them down.

It was because of their awe that no one saw the third titan coming towards them from the side. It just seemed to appear, skittering like a spider across the grass, an abnormal with glistening teeth.

No one realized until it was too late.

Not until it had Levi's horse caught up in its awkward hand with his wounded leg trapped between a giant finger and his steed's ribcage.

His blade was yanked from its sheath, but when he moved to slice at the inside of its wrist, its other hand was already closing around his torso. The world came still. Soldiers all at once frozen with the realization and terror that their hope was going to die.

 _How had he missed it_?

Because he was distracted. Their bond had his priorities in a twisted knot.

Another wave of vibration went through the earth as River's target hit the ground.

He felt her intake of breath in his own lungs. His blade was caught against his body, cutting into his abdomen as the rancid breath encircled him. He grit his teeth.

"Oh no you don't," he heard her yell from above.

No one could possibly explain what happened next.

Not Levi, not River, and certainly not anyone who watched.

Covered in a layer of ice with only her head and legs free, she began to exude wisps of black smoke from all across her body. She made a gesture. That was all she did. Like beckoning her master to come join her in the sky.

And in that movement, the titan's fingers exploded with the unseen force that did exactly that; Levi was dragged up into the sky where River wrapped a secure arm around his abdomen. He was the only one who could see that her crystalline eyes had that yellow ring once more. His skin was freezing as she flew with him tucked carefully into her arms, her chin raised above his head.

She didn't look down when she whispered, "I'm not letting you go."

He was more than aware the statement had nothing to do with the fact that he was currently being held parallel to the ground, high up in the air.

River kept her word. She did not let him go. She did not land. They flew together the rest of the way, with her armored little arms tightened like cages behind the captain's back, clutching him to her like a child holding a stuffed bear. He didn't question her. The glittering water at the edges of her eyes was more than enough to render him silenced.

She could have let him die twice now.

She could have tasted freedom twice.

But she clung to her master with every thread of her strength, the only sign of her understanding these things was in that fluid and the wobbling of her chin.

Outside the walls, before they entered the city; that was when she let him down. She did not look at him afterwards. Her eyes watched her boots. She tucked her hands behind her back, pulling her wings beneath her flesh. Her fists shook back there, but he let her have that moment of privacy. It was the least he could do.


	18. Chapter 18

This time, it was River who suffered from the effects of emotions that did not belong to her.

She felt within herself the gaping hole that was ripped into her master's chest. Her eyes remained on Levi's back while she tried to remind her lungs that they needed oxygen to survive. As she walked, stones would tumble into that hole, scraping the sensitive edges and making it throb. She flinched with each new pebble but remained silent.

They'd entered the city with an unnatural hush, each soldier keeping their head bowed as the crowd whispered of their failure. Each voice adding to the blanket of guilt that splintered her shoulders. The walk through the city on the outskirts of Wall Rose was longer than she remembered when they left that morning.

River walked behind her shattered master and his leader. Levi's tight shoulders bore the weight of the dead and the living as the words of ignorance rained down all around them.

He had actively avoided her after they'd entered the city. Whether by a natural need to distance oneself from physical contact during their mourning, or by a mixture of terror from those seconds his mortality was tested, she wasn't sure.

The flash of recognition when he was pinned in the titan's fists still breathed in her chest. He would likely deny it if she ever spoke of it, but he'd resigned for just a split second as his blade cut into him. That's what snapped her resolve. What drew her attention. What saved his life.

A sliver of wanting to let go and bloody well die too.

This squad was not the first group to mean something precious to him and be stolen away by the beasts outside the walls. Her understanding this only made the agony she pulled from him even harder to bare. It was not just for those left out there today. It was a well-handled stone with no more jagged edges because he'd touched it often enough. His past and present were merging inside his chest and she was the only one who would ever know.

She felt her bones creaking while the bond wept for the man who would not. He was strong. Too strong. He was like cruel ice, carved out of pain and harsh decisions that no one else could have had the resolve to make.

He ached, but he would be damned before ever showing it.

River clenched her fists at her sides until the nails bit into her palm.

It wasn't until she felt the snap of something important in her chest that she realized a man had stepped up to walk alongside her master.

She narrowed her eyes, spearing him with a glare, but used all of her self control to stay away. Levi wasn't stopping him from being near. She would not cause a scene and make all of this worse. But who was he? What was he doing?

Hurting Levi even more. That's what he was doing. The hole in her chest became filled with jagged glass and she released a low growl. Levi did not respond to the man's mutterings and it must have been enough of a hint for him to finally step away. She allowed herself to exhale a breath of relief.

The wall loomed closer ahead of them and it seemed the soldiers all pressed forward subconsciously. They were mechanical in their walk of shame, though. She wasn't even certain if their hearts were beating anymore. Hers and Levi's had hardened into a chilled stillness in their chests. The only thing still alive was the bond. That ethereal cord between soldier and slave.

The ice across her body had stopped growing and had slowly begun to melt in the heat of the evening. It glittered across her armour like a coating of gold. She didn't question its presence anymore. Why did it matter? Whatever was happening with her powers should have come sooner. Maybe she could have done more. Yet now it was leaving again.

One thing she learned, though, was that the weight of one life had been crippling... dozens, though? It didn't get heavier as she would have expected.

It simply grew colder and thicker.

Like concrete.

Maybe that was why her heart had stilled. It couldn't bare the lives that she couldn't save.

The collective group released a unified exhale once they reached the other side of Wall Rose. It was hard enough to face their defeat and the loss of their comrades; it was unbearable to also answer to the families of those they'd lost, and those who were fine being cooped up inside their pens.

She had to put distance between herself and her bonded captain, though. Her heart would burst under the pressure of their combined aches. She let herself fall behind, slowing her pace as others passed her by, casting quick, questioning glances out of the corners of their eyes. She scanned the solemn faces and bandages, searching for another familiar face with a promise of kinship attached to it, despite her constant refusals before.

It was the raven-haired girl that she ended up finding first. Eren was laying in the wagon his friend sat up in. His arm was covering his eyes and River told herself she didn't notice the wet trails leading down into his chocolate hair. The girl had a dark sadness in her equally dark eyes and almost reminded River of the man she was avoiding.

"Is he alright?" she asked.

Her whisper seemed like a clap of thunder, making the soldiers flinch all around them. Some came back to life in that moment, their faces distorting with ugly pain though they kept their tears silent. The rest simply settled again into their stone casings. Retreating from the world.

The bond assured her that she was too far back to rouse Levi, long before she even realized that she was worried she might have.

"They're going to kill him," was the girl's response.

"Excuse me?" River refused to recognize the worried squeeze in her chest.

The dark eyes were unfocused, but they tipped up to meet the ice beside her. "Our mission failed. They're going to try taking him, I just know it."

River's jaw locked, and she glanced down at the boy, wondering if he was conscious and listening. She looked back to the girl.

"I won't let anyone outside the scouts take him," she found herself promising, not able to remember when she'd decided it. "I'll fight for him."

The darkness refocused and suddenly the girl was seeing her for the first time that day. Truly looking at the other freak in the ranks.

"Why would you do that?"

The inquiry drew a smile up from the corner of her mouth as she explained, "he promised that he would back me up, whether I wanted him to or not. If I needed help, he'd be there. The least I can do is offer the same."

The girl frowned, drinking in River's statement for a long moment. Eventually, she nodded and glanced down again at her dear friend.

"What's your name?" River prompted after a time of quiet settled across their shoulders again.

"Mikasa." She didn't glance up when she answered.

River had her mouth open to respond before the girl turned to her and stated, "I already know who you are."

The silence returned then, almost indefinite. Mikasa did not seem interested in discussion. She kept a watchful eye on her friend as he seemed to sleep under the darkness of his arm. It amazed River. The loyalty this raven-haired girl had for Eren was unbound and pure. It was a loyalty built from adoration and kinship. Something that River would never be able to have. She swallowed hard, turning her eyes forward to the shoulders of the men walking ahead of her.

"What is it like?" the question slipped out like a quiet, traitorous bird.

She swore she could feel the weight of Mikasa's dark gaze for a brief moment. "What is what like?"

River couldn't turn when she elaborated, "caring as much as you do... without being forced to."

"You can't be forced to care," came the automated response.

She clearly didn't understand the power of souls and magic.

As if she knew those thoughts, though, Mikasa elaborated, "you can be forced to go through the motions of things that can be mistaken as caring. It isn't difficult to follow an order, even if you don't understand nor like it. But your heart and your will are yours alone, and your actions are going to show the truth at every possible opportunity outside of those orders."

 _You could have been free today_.

The thought was so jarring that River stopped walking. Someone bumped into her, muttering an apology and side stepping just as fast, but she couldn't move. She was stunned. Her mind reared back to life with flashes of memory burning behind her eyes. _I didn't have to save him_. The hand enclosing on him could have freed her; the teeth coming down on him would have released their bond. _But I don't want Levi dead_. She'd blurted it out before, but the full truth seemed to wash over her as she numbly started to walk again.

Her mind wanted to venture down the road of possibilities, either out of a need for distraction or just simple curiosity, she wasn't certain. It wondered once again about how useful she would be without someone controlling her powers; if she would be able to use them the same way she can with a master?

After she'd left the remains of her last bond to rot, she had been too numb to do much more than fly. The inky power had spilled out from her skin for hours as she'd made her way towards the wall, but she didn't dare try to stop it, use it, or even acknowledge it.

She hadn't even considered trying to get back in with civilization originally, she just wanted to be closer to them somehow. Something inside of her had decided that she couldn't return to them. Not entirely.

Her thoughts shifted into that day in the office with Levi, Erwin and Hanji. It felt like an eternity in the past. Back when she had initially made the choice to come clean about who she was, it had been out of the logistics of survival that she chose to bond with Levi. Sure, she could have done it with anyone, and the commander would have been most people's first choice. But Levi was the one with an elite squad. And he was the one who bore the weight of humanity's hope on his shoulders. He would be trusted with her magical leash.

And back in the present, she had gone above and beyond the instinctive demands of the bond. _Twice_.

What the hell did it mean?

She cared for this man, of course she did. That was bound to build up with his constant urging for her freedom. By then, he could have been considered a comrade if he hadn't been the holder of her leash. Was it even possible to bridge that kind of gap while they were master and slave?

Would she _choose_ to follow his orders still if he didn't have a magical bond to force her cooperation?

 _Click._

Could it possibly be that she was beginning to feel that one luxury she'd always damned others for knowing? That thing which she'd always assumed could never be hers… the depth of caring that she'd thought was not part of her design.

Could it be that she may have come to love her master?

River had to remind herself to breathe, shakily placing one foot in front of the other. Confusion and terror swirled together within her, but she couldn't focus on that; Levi had enough to feel at the moment. He didn't need her having an existential crisis while everyone he allowed himself to possibly love was dead.

* * *

They were ordered to set up camp once they were out of sight from the wall. No one wanted to stay in the city, but Erwin must have realized his scouts were too tired to journey back to the compound that day.

The soldiers all moved with creaking, mechanical bones to set up tents and fires while River ventured further down the road, pulling on the bond with subtle urgency. _Leave his heart alone for a while_. Further away she walked until she couldn't feel the warmth of the crowd anymore or see the light from their fires. She couldn't stop just yet, it was easier to handle Levi's emotions when she was moving. She let out a long exhale, raising her hand to her chest. With two gentle fingers, she tapped the place where she felt their cord. It pulled taught for a moment that drew a gasp from her mouth.

 _Take it all in. Bring it all here. Let him rest._

Keep moving…

She had to keep moving, put more and more distance between them. She couldn't handle the agony otherwise. He was going to kill her if she didn't figure out how to slow her pull on his pain. How could any human feel so deeply and not shatter into pieces?

She kept on, her pace increasing until she was just short of jogging. The moon glittered overhead, illuminating what was left of the ice across her torso as she struggled to flee the torment of protecting her master's heart.

As she moved she could almost swear the physical shape of their bond was thickening with a weightiness like lead. Tug, tug, like he was squeezing it from his end and yanking her back to him.

 _No, I'm helping you, you'll see._

But she almost laughed because there was no way in hell that he would understand their connection enough to be able to manipulate it. Just no way

No one could do it before, what would change this time? _Everything is different this time, though_ … She ignored the thought entirely.

Yet she could almost hear him calling out to her: _River, River, River_...

Wait...

"River!"

Her heart stopped, and she turned.

Eren sprinted towards her, smiling once she'd turned to him. Something warm glowed in his eyes... Something akin to the care and worry his friend looked at him with not too long ago in the back of a wagon.

For reasons she could not fathom, she found tears welling at the edges of her eyes. She turned from him, but allowed him to catch up, wiping at the fluid with a furious hand in the meantime.

"Where are you going?" he asked when he came near.

She wouldn't look at him when she answered. "Away."

He chuckled from behind and prompted, "okay, are you running?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head and decided it was alright to be honest. He wouldn't do anything malicious with the knowledge.

She explained, "Levi is in pain. He won't show it, but he's breaking inside. Past and present are mingling and eating him alive. I'm trying to help in the only way I know how... But it's too strong even for me. I have to get farther from him, spread the bond out, so it takes longer for his aches to reach me... Maybe then... I won't feel so tired by it, and I can still help him."

 _Stupid_ she heard behind her eyes in a silken voice of smoke, even as Eren drowned it out so she wouldn't have to respond.

"Where were you going to go then?"

"Back to the compound," she admitted. "I figure it's another day's travel... But if I fly, I can make it there in a few hours. Then I could sleep until you all made it. I'd be unconscious for most of this siphoning at least."

"I'll come with you," he offered.

She spun to face him, eyes wide.

"The hell you will!" she spat too fast.

It only made his smile tilt up to a lopsided grin.

"You're overdo for some company with someone who's _not_ supernaturally tied to you," he declared.

She narrowed her eyes, but she couldn't argue. He was right. River hadn't even realized how badly she craved a breath at normal until it stood next to her in the form of a young freak who could turn into a titan.

She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him, "and just how do you plan on _not_ slowing me down?"

All she got was a mischievous glow in his eyes before he stepped in close to her. On instinct alone, she sucked in a breath and held it, though her chilled glare remained.

"How does anyone join you if they don't have wings too?" he whispered.

She eyed him with suspicion, wondering at his intentions. This close, she had to tilt her head back just to look at him. She had noticed he was taller than Levi the first time the two walked side by side, but this was the first time she actually realized how much of giant he was compared to her. Shaking her head, she dropped her eyes.

"We wouldn't make it there. You're too tall, which means you're going to be too heavy," she muttered, edging her thoughts away from the disappointment in her chest.

She wanted to be alone anyways... And if she kept reminding herself of it, she might believe it soon.

He let out a laugh, "then let's just walk for a while together and if you still want to go in... like thirty minutes, I'll let you go alone."

Her eyes snapped back to him, narrowed to slits. " _Let_ me?"

Eren furrowed his brows in confusion. The woman shook her head, a mocking chuckle tumbling out.

"You don't have any control over me, _boy_ ," she spat.

He raised his hands, backing away a few steps as the understanding struck.

"I didn't mean it like that, River," he defended, still moving backwards from her. "I just want to be a friend; I'm not trying to control you. I meant I wouldn't bug you further, just give me a chance to help you right now."

During her following silence, he bit his lip and added, "please?"

River pulled in a long breath through her nose, letting her eyelids slip further up until she looked somewhat less murderous… she hoped…

"Fine. I accept your offer," came her whisper as she turned from him. "Let's walk then."

He came up beside her, keeping a distinct distance between them now. She clenched her fists and avoided noticing the ease with which he seemed to understand her mood swings. She'd never fully understood how friendship was supposed to work. Eren was crossing into territory that she wasn't sure how to handle.

Sure, Hanji was considered a friend too, but she encouraged River's strange flurry of emotions rather than trying to actually bring her comfort.

This was entirely strange.

But having someone nearby had dimmed the unbearable pull from her bond. She hadn't realized it at first until the silence reminded her of its presence. It was pulsating in her chest, still pulled taught, still incredibly heavy. Yet the heat of it had cooled somewhat, and she didn't feel like there were stones falling into the hole anymore. It was simply clogged with everything that had already tumbled in before.

"Wow."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Eren start at the sound of her voice. Then he glanced at her carefully.

"Wow what?"

She stopped and turned her face up to the sparkling night sky. "You _can_ help me."

His burst of laughter sent a jolt through her bones, but as it continued, she found a bubble of the mirth welling up within her too. She released it, chuckling with him.

"That's good to hear," he declared, smiling down at her.

He placed a hand on the back of her shoulder blade, light enough that she decided she wouldn't punch him for it while the pressure guided her to continue walking. That's when she noticed that they'd turned back towards the camp. Her throat closed off, but she didn't turn away nor protest. Eren didn't remove his touch either, instead using it to continue guiding their path. They circled around the set up of tents, remaining just outside the light of fires and lamps.

River appreciated the silence. She didn't know what to say anyways, but it seemed he knew she didn't need more than just the presence of this strong perfect hero beside her. She appreciated it. Somehow, she would need to repay him. Thank him for the comfort. He was a good person, and those were hard to come by.

 _River_.

No.

 _River._

Get out.

 _Damnit River!_

"The fuck do you want!"

Eren froze as she came to a halt after the outburst.

She held her hand up to silence his following question, scrunching her eyes shut and letting out an irritated breath. She waited.

 _If you don't get your ass over here in the next ten seconds, you're sleeping outside._

River let out a cruel laugh, shaking her head. She opened her eyes, glancing over at the confused boy.

"I guess one of the aspects of this bond is a connection to the mind as well," she explained with a biting edge.

Eren's mouth fell open for a moment before he collected himself. "Uhm. So… you shouted at… the captain?"

She nodded once.

"Oh." He scratched the back of his head, glancing around them and behind her towards the glow of the camp. "Why?"

"Because he's bloody annoying, that's why. Let's go."

She wasn't going back. She couldn't. Her collarbone was going to shatter under the weight already; how much worse would it be to return to his company now? Sleeping outside didn't sound too bad in comparison.

"River?"

A growl was her response, but she turned her glare to appraise him. He hadn't moved to follow her. He also wasn't looking at her, and his smile was wiped away. The frown which replaced it made her worry.

"Are you afraid of him?" he questioned.

That was the last thing she'd expected from him. Perhaps an inquiry to what made him annoying, or about what he might have wanted. Not… that.

A physical weight settled into her mind as well. She heaved a sigh.

"No, I'm not," came her admission. She turned away, her eyes downcast to her boots. "I was at first. If you knew what my other bond was like, you'd understand why… but… he's had more than enough opportunities to use it wrongfully, and it's almost like…" she trailed off, furrowing her browse as she fought to make the words make sense. Finally, she continued, "it's like he can physically see each of those moments, and he steps around them wide enough that I never miss it. Every time. He's made it blatantly obvious that he has no intention of forcing me into anything."

Eren nodded. "Do you trust him?"

"Yes." That one was automatic.

She watched his jaw bulge as he flexed it, grinding his teeth slightly. His face was pale.

She realized a little too late, that he wasn't staring into the camp blindly while his mind worked; he was actually focused on something.

"Then I can guess you probably don't need someone stepping between you two despite that look on his face, right?"


	19. Chapter 19

Turning with a sudden stiffness in her neck, River locked her jaw as well. Her fists tightened as the subject of their discussion stalked towards them. His silver eyes were like daggers, stabbing her even from that distance. As he neared, the bond hardened.

"I'll be fine," she hissed, not taking her gaze off the man.

Despite the statement, she held her hand up in a gesture she'd intended to stop Levi with. He was still advancing, though, and the stone encasing her bones was making it hard to breath.

"Levi, if you come any closer, I _will_ attack you. Bond be damned," she announced, trying to hold back the desperation creeping into her voice.

He 'tch'ed at her, but he didn't heed her warning. Just kept walking. She couldn't breathe.

Just his proximity alone right now was enough to threaten her life.

"I said STOP!" she snapped.

As she did so, a midnight blue thread shot from her palm and sliced into his cheek. The power made no sound. The night was perfect silence.

Eren's sharp gasp sounded like thunder, her shallow breaths were the rushing wind of the storm, and Levi tilting his head to slide his skin off the magical weapon was the rain drops singing.

He continued.

Her hand trembled and the power disintegrated, returning to her palm with a familiar warmth.

In spite of what she'd assured him, a tall, muscular shadow fell over her; the boy's arm blocking her view as he became a barricade in front of her.

"She told you to stop, Levi," Eren asserted, despite the fact that his shoulders were trembling.

"Yeah, I heard," he hissed. "Move, brat."

He didn't.

Instead, he spoke again, "have the decency to listen to her commands; she doesn't get that choice with yours."

Levi came to such an abrupt halt, she was certain he'd even frozen the breath in his lungs.

When he moved again, it was to cross his arms over his chest, roll his eyes, and let out an exasperated groan.

"I'm not going to hurt her, you idiot," he muttered.

It was River's turn to roll her eyes. "You mean to tell me you can camp out in my head, but you can't sense that _you're already hurting me_?"

To that, he simply frowned, peering past the taller one in a long silence.

"That's _your_ fault, River," he finally spoke; his voice grating just higher than a whisper. "That's why I'm here."

A hush fell over the trio. River didn't reply with anything but a glare and Eren didn't seem to know how he should continue in this bizarre situation. Of course, it was Levi who broke the stillness.

Eren groaned and doubled over as Levi pulled back the fist he'd met the boy's stomach with. For good measure, the shorter man snapped his foot into the boy's face too. His gaze had returned to its half lidden boredom as he came to stand before her. In her space. Leaning down until she was almost cowering beneath his stare.

"I'm going to make an order. Understood?"

From behind him, Eren was scrambling to stand as he spoke again, "Levi, don't! Leave her alone!"

The boy received another kick to his cheek as a response and what was left of the ice on River's body seemed to thicken for a long, tense moment. She didn't respond, though she was well aware that his eyes were reading the terror on her face.

"Give. It. Back," he growled.

The stone encasing her bones sighed with relief, becoming like water washing off inside her. Their bond released the tension in an instant, like letting out a long breath after holding it for too long. An audible sigh left her mouth. All of her aching muscles quivered as they released too.

Levi's only sign of any change was the darkening of the storm clouds in his gaze.

" _Don't_ do that again," was his final order.

She thought he would leave, but he didn't. He grabbed her wrist in a hold that pulsed right down to the bone and all but dragged her into the camp while Eren yelled out her name after them. Anger should have flared up. Possibly eating away the terror that had swept through her a moment ago. Instead, she just felt confused, edging towards numb. Hadn't she helped him? Hadn't she made it easier to handle the deaths staining his heart? Hadn't she been good?

Wrapping its arms tight around all these thoughts was one question that made her legs stumble like gelatin as she followed obediently. _What was he going to do now?_

He stopped in front of a large yellow tent and unceremoniously shoved her through the opened flap. She hit the ground inside. Her cheek grew hot with a pulsating ache.

Behind her, he stomped in and tied off the entrance.

River remained low, just shuffling enough to sit up and look at her master while he plopped down on the ground in front of her, the bored mask in place and legs crossed.

She wasn't going to stand for this. He had to let her take the brunt of these emotions; for both their sake. And she only had one more option left to her.

Her cheeks reddened while she offered on a flat and somewhat sarcastic tone:

"If you won't let me _take_ the pain, then at least let me help you work it out of your system." She watched him tense and felt the snap of heat that her words spurred in his chest, but when he didn't respond, she continued. "I won't hold it against you if you take it out on me. That's what I'm designed for, and you know damn well that I can take it."

"You have no clue what you're talking about."

His tone was not angry. It held no emotion. Neither did his face or the swirling clouds in his eyes. He was a perfect stillness inside.

She rolled her eyes once more. "I belong to you, Levi. It's time you accepted that like I have. I'm not…," she paused as she searched again for the appropriate words. Finally, she found them, "I'm not afraid of your touch… and you wouldn't have to order compliance. Alright? I _won't_ fight you. I _want_ to help you."

"You can't run from pain, River. I've told you that already." His voice had softened, which surprised her almost more than the words. Then he continued, and sounded more like his biting self, "and I sure as hell am not going to beat you to make myself feel better, nor am I going to even respond to the filthy fucking double meaning inside your statement either. Understood?"

She didn't speak. Nor did she nod. She just stared at him with her mouth slightly hanging open. _Filthy_? So, that's how he felt about her then. Good to know.

"Look, just leave it alone. I'm fine and we've got more important shit to talk about," he glowered.

When she remained silent, he spoke again. "You were telling Eren the truth… about not fearing me. About trusting me."

He was stating it as fact, not asking her to confirm. Her offer essentially solidified that fact anyways. She narrowed her eyes, suspicious where he was going with this and he continued on her unspoken command.

"I can't justify remaining like this with you any longer. It's driving me crazy and I am _not_ a goddamn slave-owner." His voice had risen throughout so he was almost shouting by the end. He reigned it back when he continued, quieter and out of character, "I want to release you. But I'm going to need that trust for what I want to do."

She didn't reply. Her throat had closed to the size of a straw. Eventually he took that as his invitation to elaborate.

"I want to break this bond. But I also won't take advantage of you in order to do it," he explained slowly, like he was certain she'd miss something if he packed too much information into one breath. "So, I am going to order the damn thing to break itself."

Her eyes widened and her mouth was suddenly dry.

Balling her hands into fists, she protested, "I don't think it works like that, Levi."

He shrugged like he agreed. "If not, the most that can happen is like the time I ordered your power to heal you and it wouldn't."

"No, you don't understand!" she shouted as she stood up, stepping towards him with a wild look coming into her eyes. "You were there with me when you heard this stupid bond is a twisting of fucking souls, you idiot! How the hell do you think you'll break this thing without _killing me_!?"

"Because you can't follow an order that will kill you. You said so yourself," he replied smoothly, unphased by her outburst.

He wasn't looking at her, though. Just staring straight ahead with cold eyes that felt nothing.

Her mouth hung open, lost for words. The silence pounded in her heart and strangled her.

"You're completely serious," she finally stated in a soft whisper.

Levi gave her one curt nod.

She gulped, then spoke again, "sir, do I have any say in this?"

His lack of a response was one in itself. He narrowed his unfocused eyes and made a disgusted face.

River glared at him. "What exactly is so horrible about me that you would risk the stability of my _soul_ than just release me the easy way?"

That brought his thinned stare to settle on her face. His lips were pulled down in a deep frown.

"If I could have it my way, _no one_ would ever be able to violate you again," he hissed. "I am _not_ that kind of man, River."

"I don't think you fully understand what I'm saying," she pressed on, her heart rate speeding up to the point that it was all she could hear in her ears. "I _belong_ to you! That's the entire point of putting that metal band on you, Levi!"

His frown shifted into a hard glare that would have burned her if she cared. She fell to her knees, grabbing his wrists in her strong hands.

"I trust you, okay? And I don't mean that lightly. I trust you with my life and if I can trust you with that, then I can trust you with my body too. It _won't_ be a violation."

"You were the one who said that this bond would force you to live entirely for the sake of bettering _my_ life. That means your trust doesn't mean shit right now," he all but growled.

She released him and groaned, standing up again to pace the length of the tent as she ranted at him, "I know the fucking difference! It _terrifies_ me when my mind and my heart do things that I don't them to! When that monster would order me to enjoy what he did to me, do you think I didn't have a will of my own that dreaded and loathed and _fought_ that order with everything I had until I succumbed to it? I can tell when it's me or this god forsaken bond!"

He was entirely unphased by her outburst, the anger even ebbing away into boredom.

"A few weeks ago, you were terrified I'd raped you when you passed out from blood loss. And you want me to believe you're not afraid of this connection right now?"

River heaved a breath, returning to stand above him, "I'm not. You're a good man and you've proven time and time again that you're not perverted by power. You're not going to misuse my magic _or_ my body. I know that as clearly as I know my own name."

He crossed his arms and leaned back, letting her words tumble into the silence between them. "Are you trying to convince me to sleep with you or keep you enslaved? I can't tell anymore."

"If you won't break it properly, I'd rather stay bound," she admitted on a flat tone.

Heat was rising in the pit of his stomach again and he clutched his hands into fists.

"No one _chooses_ slavery _!"_ he shouted, his voice lifting halfway through, so it sounded more like a desperate plea.

She shook her head, "I don't have a choice. That's the whole point of this."

"You're wrong," he muttered.

"Levi!" she barked, drawing his steel eyes to meet the ice of hers. Once she had his attention, she proceeded gently, "it's alright. I'm okay with this. I trust you."

That did it.

He was standing right in front of her within a heartbeat, his large hands encircling her frozen biceps and giving her a solid shake.

"None of this is alright, River! You're a person! Not a goddamn animal or a tool. A fucking _person!"_

 _"_ I'm not even human, you imbecile!" it was out before she realized her mind had formulated the words.

They created a strange reaction in River as she looked up at the man she'd bonded with. Something welled up inside her chest, but it was unrelated to the connection. It shot off into her eyes, and before she had a moment to suck in a breath, she was crying. She didn't make a sound, but the frosted tears dripped down her cheeks like silent accusations.

Levi froze. His hold tensed, tightening around her arms and cracking what little was left of the ice. His mouth hung open, unable to formulate words. With deliberate care, he took a step back, releasing her arms.

Finally, a question found its way to his tongue, and he let it slip out into the quiet, "and why does that mean you can't be my equal?"

With no hesitation, she whispered, "because it's not part of my design."

"Bullshit."

Her next action could have been out of her anger, or it could have been for her pride.

Either way, her fist met his face before he even realized she'd moved. His following, dark glinted smirk should have been her warning, but she wasn't exactly in the frame of mind to notice.

"Oof!"

His knee struck her belly, shooting the air from her lungs in a rush. She locked her jaw, pulling up her fists and bending her knees slightly. He punched, but she blocked with her arm, striking out with her other hand. They traded blows back and forth, each able to stop the other's advance and dancing around each other with jagged grace.

River's arm hooked around his neck, yanking him towards her as her fist drove home towards his nose. He grabbed her at her ribs at the last second, his fingers digging in with bruising intensity while he hooked a leg behind her and twisted, ducking his head down from her fist. He let her go just as she began to lose balance, sending her crashing to the ground.

He stepped back, rubbing his reddening jaw as she scrambled to her feet and lowered into a fighting stance again.

"See? If submission is part of your nature, then I'm a goddamn giant," he muttered, misplaced humor threading into his voice.

She narrowed her eyes on him, a fire raging behind the ice and threatening to melt it.

He pointed towards the entrance of the tent as he asked, "do you want to know what order I gave you when we faced the female titan?"

No response came, and so he proceeded to tell her, "I commanded you to act as you saw fit."

Why did that statement send her heart down towards her toes?

He took a careful step towards her, noting the way that she grew rigid with the advancement.

"You," she stopped herself. Gulped a hard breath down. "You mean... I acted on... on..."

No. Impossible. Not for her. Never for her. No.

Levi brought his hand up to his chest, recognizing their bond as he reached out with his other hand. As soft and slow as the soldier was capable of, he placed his palm against the wild beating of her heart.

"Your free will, River," he finished for her.

And in that moment, something happened. It shifted between his palms, splashing across skin like rain drops and tightening inside their collarbones. The bond thrummed with a strange joy that sent laughter tumbling through River's bloodstream until she found her mouth turning up in a wide grin.

Levi was more concerned with watching this change than acknowledging that he felt it as well. This was all bizarre and foreign to him. He didn't do the touchy-feelies. It was distracting and mostly pointless.

But he did understand exactly what was happening.

"You _are_ not and _will_ not be a slave, River. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let magic call me a liar." He spoke in a flat voice, void of emotion.

He watched her shift to understand what he meant. Joy left as she remembered why they were having this conversation in the first place.

Stepping closer and dropping his voice low, he continued, "why can't I order it to close? It obeyed me when I wanted it stronger during our mission, and I didn't even actively order it. Why can't I close it the same way?"

River didn't have an answer to that, but it didn't quell the knot of terror that sat at the base of her throat beneath the hush of a ruined joyous moment.

He took her silence as an answer and continued. "I'm going to do it, River."

With the last of her energy to fight her master, she pleaded, "please… please don't."

Levi placed a hand on her shoulder and held her cheek with the other. Keeping their eyes connected as he whispered the command.

"River, you will be free of my commands. I order you to break this bond and take that freedom."

The instant the final word was spoken, something within her snapped. She thought it was simply the weight of the supernatural force moving, until the widening of Levi's eyes told her it was a physical and loud sound.

Her heart sped up, but she had no chance to react as she was dragged into the greedy hands of unconscious.


End file.
